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should I worry?

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Anonymous:
Hi Pandora,

All along your stbxh's behavior has seemed really creepy to me. I have been concerned for you. I think you are right to be concerned.  

One book I read said that women are the best predictors of whether or not the abusive man will become physically violent.  That was Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?:Inside the Minds of Angry and Controling Men.  I think that book would recommend a restraining order.   That was a great book.  Simple to read, and it answers all kinds of questions I had.

It's understandable to not want to have to go that far.  I think you are absolutely right on in telling friends, and not having any unnecessary contact with him.  You are very self assured and that is good to see.  I think you did the right thing in the situation you described.  You were forceful in setting boundaries, and you excercised control.  You handled it perfectly.

phoenix:
bye

Onyx:
OK

Are all men Narcissist?

Are all women bunny boilers?

Does the sun come up in the West and go down in the East?

If a man smiles at a women, is he a rapist?

When divorcing, is it normal for the people involved to be upset...are emotions going to run high?

Joking aside, I feel that it is easy to tar way too many people with the same brush strokes. I had a relationship with a girl who it has been suggested suffered with BPD. The shear anger and hatred that spilled forth from her mouth at times would scare most people. It wasn't pleasant and it was frequent. I was stretching my ability to cope to the limit. But she had good reason to be as she is. I'm going to standby her as she receives treatment....from a distance! She isn't a bad person.....just a girl who's in trouble right now! Believe it or not, she is a friend of mine and aren't we supposed to support our friends.......

Now I could transfer my anger and feelings over what I've experienced from this girl to other women. I could say that all women are nasty and bad. I could tell all my friends to avoid women like the plague. I could......burst a blood vessel when someone dissagreed with the above. Or then again I could treat it as an isolated experience and learn from it. Isn't that what life's all about.....learning?

I compared this thread to my situation and found her experience unpleasant, but not dangerous. I've also just read her update concerning the fact that he's never been violent toward her. Therefore what I wrote, is with some degree of balance. Balance is hard to achieve when some are soooo shut off to others views. Sometimes we feel that only our view counts when we feel so strongly about issues.

I'd agree that most men are penis driven and are idiots for being so (I'm one of them)! But that doesn't make me a rapist and violent wife beating sadistic bully. One sizes does not fit all (shoes) and I don't subscribe to the 'Hang em High' brigade in all circumstances. Balance is just that...!

Chill out Liz, not all men are total a..holes :-)

Onyx

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
Can't agree with you more Phoenix :D As I've written, I think Pandora should have no direct contact with this chump and only do so via her lawyer. The marriage is over, bar the tidying up. His problems are no longer hers.......of which I'm certain she's very happy about!

I do feel for Pandora and all women in her situation. In fact I feel for anyone, man or woman, who suffers from such emotional abuse. We live at a time when marriages between men and women have never been so fragile.

I have three teenage daughters. I don't for one moment believe that I'll be 'walking down the isle' just once with each one! It just doesn't work that way anymore! And dealing with ex hubbies/boyfriends is going to become an issue that I hope the girls drag me into. I would never allow anyone to hurt my girls!!!

I know that this site is for people who've experienced abnormal stuff, that's why I came here in the first place. Unfortunately there are differing levels of abnormality in marriage breakdowns. My ex wife and I argued prior to our divorce. Yes there were tears and yes, one or two things were said that shouldn't have been. She would phone me during the night for a conversation that would inevitably turn into an arguement. She didn't want to divorce. Nasty things would be said. It was a time of tension and emotional turmoil....most divorces produce just that. It was a very saddening experience....it was painfull.

I remember especially her hurt at the thought of me sleeping with another woman. That really ticked her off and she would really 'kick off' at the thought of it! I'd listen over the phone as she'd slowly wind herself up until she was emotionally kicking the hell out of herself. I'd just say nothing and waiting until she'd calmed down from her short term roller coaster ride.

Anyway, I'm fully supportive of anyone who's in emotional distress of what ever kind! I'm Irish by birth and my 'mammy' always wanted me to become the 'priest' of the family. Every Irish mother wanted at least one in the family in those days! Not so sure now with all the bad press and things  these days:) ! I thank god I was saved from becoming one as I found the joys of women in my youth 8) , although then agian, maybe I'm changing my mind again on that one  :lol:

Pandora is scared. She asked for opinions...and I gave her one. That's all it is, just a guys opinion....sorry if it upsets people.

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