Thought Experiment for healing

[Hopalong]

Wonderful thread, GS, and you have done wonderful work.
I have to say that Beth's first post was the most powerful response for me...

There's a thing Martin Seligman (author of Learned Optimism) called rumination. Women "ruminate" more than men do, hence, women are more prone to intractable depression.

I think there are stretches in life where a great deal of thinking/reading/analysing must be done, to help us understand what our issues are, to see the shape of our brokenness and our wholeness. The more vivid these pictures, the better.

But then, when you know you really have seen clearly, it is time to direct the mind toward the next action.

Years can be lost in rumination. It's important to know how to keep a balance between introspection/reflection and action. It's not that I'll ever stop thinking, but I need to learn to suspend it, set it gently aside, and find I am doing a chore in a peaceful way. Or connecting in 3D with a person in a peaceful way.

love
Hops

[Ami]

Dear Leah,
 The words of the Bible are filled with supernatural power. One Scripture can heal you--just like that--IF you believe. Norman Cousins healed cancer with laughter by taking the Scripture"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine"
 I, am almost ,healed by taking,"You shall know the truth and the truth will MAKE you free."
 I am a poor "witness" for God b/c I am so fearful, but people should look to Him, not me.
 S/times ,I don't even like to say I am a follower of Jesus b/c I make Him look bad(LOL)
 I am glad that my post encouraged you,Leah.    Love to you,   Ami

[Ami]

Dear GS,
 How are you doing, today? i am thinking of you. I had another "healing" last night. I realized that I was always playing out "being weak" b/c that was the ONLY  way I got love from my M. I got punished when I was strong---bleh. What a freaking set up that was.
 I had to undermine my own strength all the time and continued on  with it. I was programmed to give away ALL that I valued and held dear, my integrity and character. I had to give it up ,on her altar.
 All for her, all my lifeblood for her, the voracious eater, like a pac man ,devouring you, from the inside out, the Vaknin zombie.
 Now, I have to claim my strength.
Thinking of you, GS. You are in my mind, often,as an encourager and a wonderful friend.     Love    Ami

(((((((((GS)))))))))00

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks for asking Ami.  I am at a real breakthrough.  I am on the cusp about to plunge through.

I was able to break through the anxiety and fear and shame and hold it for most of the day.  Every now and then I found myself slip back but was able to regroup and rise above the darkness.  This is the key - to hold onto what I want to be as though it already is.  That is what so many from such varying perspectives have all written of.  After years and years of trying to get there I have broken the shell and am moving in. 

It's a high five moment for me.  I'm working from the end - sitting back without shame or fear and letting it all come into being.

This place and this place alone has allowed me to get beyond the bitterness and insanity of the N parents.  I am almost to a point of getting completely beyond reaction to their horridness.  Now that is freedom!!!

[Ami]

GS,
 You sound SO good.You are doing what the Bible says. You are believing spiritual truths and then they will become manifest in the physical world. Your faith(belief) causes  your beliefs to manifest.That is a simple principle of the Bible. Why don't *I* remember it-lol?
We are already whole,in the spiritual dimension. IF we believe THAT and keep believing even when we don't "see", it, it WILL manifest in the physical world, in time.Great Healers knew this.
 I really need to hear myself say it GS.As I am writing it, I am realizing HOW true it is.
You will get there,if you prevail b/c we have promises of wholeness if we will take them. I am by your side, GS.     Love   Am

[gratitude28]

Hops is so right about women ruminating more than men... I see it so clearly in my husband. He had a ton of yucky stuff in childhood too, and he has put it to rest. It doesn't cross his mind much or bother him overall. I wish I could be like that!!!!!
GS, I am so happy to see you are falling off the plateau!!! This board gives everyone so much hope - there is so much movement towards a healthful, positive life here, whether we are NC or remain in some sort of relationship.
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

I am almost to a point of getting completely beyond reaction to their horridness.  Now that is freedom!!!

That is AMAZING and wonderful, GS...I am so impressed.
So happy for you!

(Send me some of your magic dust, for dealing w/brother, okay?)

love,
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Yes I will send you that magic dust.  You put up a shield so that what ever he says that appears to create chaos simply does not penetrate, in fact you simply cannot hear it.  I am definitely going to use a thought process to send that magic dust and to cover you with it.  You are mentally stronger than he and actually in a morally superior position.  He will be rustrated but you can't be bothered by that - perhaps compassionate but not bothered.

I'm sending magic dust to protect you and shield you.  Let me know if it works.

[Gaining Strength]

Another good day.  The house is a wreck but I actually got a good bit done.  I have found a way to shut down the shame.  I have a vision of how things are going to be and when the shame starts in I just set my mind against it.  The more I shut out the shame the more I focus on the vision of what should be then the other things are just beginning to fall into place. 

I'm thankful after all this time it feels like a miracle.  My work is going to be sustaining it.  I think I can do that.

[Ami]

Yes, GS
 You have done the harder part of breaking old patterns. It is easier to maintain your growth than get there ,in the first place.You are an inspiration for me. When I want to give up, I think of you . You keep on. When you fall down, you get up.
 The essential "you" does not have shame or any other maladaptive characteristics.
  All that garbage is not part of the real "you".  The real 'you" is who God sees. Your spirit is what He sees. That is fine. It has no shame or pain.It is complete. You ( and I ) need to believe and recieve that!                Love    Ami

[Gaining Strength]

Day 3 or 4.  A more difficult day today but I think I have found a way to keep my mind in the right thought pattern - ignoring the struggle that I find myself in right now and keeping my mind on the outcome I have  set for myself. 

I won't let myself be caught up in dispair - I'm keeping my eye on what is good and desirable. 

I read an interesting article yesterday that described the difference between pain and suffering as pain being the hurt from an initial experience and suffering being the continuation of that pain long beyond the incident.  The article went on to say that we cannot control the pain but we can control the suffering.  I am finally - after a good bit of initial healing - able to take advantage of controlling my thoughts and not sliding down into dispair when things go poorly.  It is not easy but I can do it and I will continue to practice is over and over until it is the norm for me. -

Just posting to help keep my mind where it must be. - GS

[Gaining Strength]

Day 5?  Same place sort of.  Struggling but not giving up the battle.  I think that as I face more and more of my own self-criticism I am getting stronger.  In the past this has been very, very painful - too painful but I have found the strength to not back down this time.  I see people are reading this thread but noone is commenting.  If anyone has some encouragement to offer I would welcome it.  Thanks - GS

[Iphi]

Hi GS, I am just reading your topic right now after a weekend away and I am thinking how much I encourage and support you with all my heart and will!  I find what you are doing both personally inspiring and really, how to express it, fresh.  Like a wind blowing through a dusty attic and blowing in new air and change.  I love it that you are confronting the self-criticism and supporting your son to confront it too.

Right away reading this topic raised my interior awareness about recent struggles with self-criticism that have gone on sort of underneath my conscious awareness.  It seems that a big part of the battle is about how incredibly familiar it is.  This is the air I've been breathing - a self-limiting, possibility destroying, blighting, criticizing, belittling air.  I may not have built this mental room, but I inherited it and enforced it.  And I want out.

Not to go into my personal beliefs too much, but I have made a choice to believe that whatever we can accomplish, whatever progress we make no matter how incremental, or how many setbacks, changes our future for the better.  I believe in an unlimited future that is shaped by our present.  And I believe even our greatest setbacks and failures or deficits (even the deficits of an N) will ultimately work toward our liberation from those confining bonds.  I came to this because my dad is such a nihilist and that nihilism had me under for some years and to avoid a long story, I came to a personal philosophy of meaning and positivity that I can by no means prove, but allows me to live my life with purpose, meaning, heart and compassion.  And elbow grease.  At a minimum, it's an outlook that helped me quit smoking.

Now getting back to you GS, given my personal perspectives as explained above, what you are doing is just about as exciting as it could be!!  You are claiming your power and walking step by courageous step.  I know how hard it is and you are sharing some things that I have not even yet attempted and it is also giving me new ideas about how to proceed with some things that are discouraging me right now.  Basically my personal deficits are really in my face right now and some ways that I have taken on straight from the N have surfaced in my roles as wife and mom - very upsetting - to see myself acting like my dad.  Just like a bathroom that needs scrubbing, I can see the work is cut out for me.  Forgive my rambling and stream of consciousness and hope it is encouraging, energizing and lifts you up!

[Gaining Strength]

I am thinking how much I encourage and support you with all my heart and will!  I find what you are doing both personally inspiring and really, how to express it, fresh.
Thank you so much Iphi.  It is so nice to read such words of encouragement.  It still astounds me that I can come to this place where gather people strangers to one another, and here I receive that which I and all humans need (encouragement) but which I could never and have never received from those people closest to me.   

 a self-limiting, possibility destroying, blighting, criticizing, belittling air.  I may not have built this mental room, but I inherited it and enforced it.  And I want out.
I'm with you sister.  I want out too, and I mean to get there.

Not to go into my personal beliefs too much, but I have made a choice to believe that whatever we can accomplish, whatever progress we make no matter how incremental, or how many setbacks, changes our future for the better.  I believe in an unlimited future that is shaped by our present.  And I believe even our greatest setbacks and failures or deficits (even the deficits of an N) will ultimately work toward our liberation from those confining bonds.  I came to this because my dad is such a nihilist and that nihilism had me under for some years and to avoid a long story, I came to a personal philosophy of meaning and positivity that I can by no means prove, but allows me to live my life with purpose, meaning, heart and compassion.  And elbow grease.  At a minimum, it's an outlook that helped me quit smoking.
I love to read your beliefs.  They make sense to me.  Your successful experience with your philosophy is really all that matters.  Success says alot in this struggle.

  Forgive my rambling and stream of consciousness and hope it is encouraging, energizing and lifts you up!
I have seen my N father creep into my personality as well.  It is very, very disappointing but I am finding my way out of that.  The most exciting thing for me right now is finding my way past yet another level of shame.  I am simply profoundly thankful.

Thanks so much for your response.  It is a true encouragement.  It helps me not feel so lonely on my journey. - Yours - Gaining Strength

[Ami]

Dear GS,
  Just thinking of you,today.
  We are on the same path, trying to modify old messages ,which do not make sense,(and never did). I have been having some strange days ,as I change.
 Today, I see,more, that  we are 'human",not "bad".
 My Aunt is as "bad" as we are, but she sees herself as "human' and so she does not give herself"bad" messages, as we do.
 My Aunt says,"Ami, dear, WHAT is it that you think is "bad"?*I* know you and you are NOT "bad".
 I try to explain that I was conditioned to think that ANY needs or wants were "bad"(selfish).
 She says "That is silly,dear."
 GS, WE are fine. It was just the conditioning (parenting)that was "screwy".
We will have fun doing our Bible study, together. Hurry and catch up to me(on the second part of the first set--lol)
It will help to see that we are part of a larger plan, which IS in order. That always helps me.There IS an order. I just have to find my small place ,in the order.
 It helps to take away the "bigness" of my life and make it a small"ordered' life, in God's  eyes, if not my own(lol).   Love and Peace to you,    Ami