No Time For Introspection

[gratitude28]

I think the N never has time to reflect upon his behavior because he is so busy in his head keeping games and stories straight and figuring out how to act with each person. I think the only time we can learn about ourselves is when we are being honest, and they can't get to that point because they don't even know what reality is. Maybe there is no real person... it is just a collage of what they have copied...

[Gaining Strength]

I have begun to notice that the Ns I know are not capable of being introspective.  I have also begun to notice that people who are not introspective have real problems with relationships.  What is the relationship with lack of introspection and Ns?  Are all Ns incapable of introspection? Are all incapable of introspection, Ns?

[Lupita]

Thank you Grat for this thread.
I think they have to spend so much time to inflate thier weak ego, that, that is what keeps them busy all the time.
They feel so inferior deep in their  heart. PDs are considered a defensemechanisms if I am not mistake. Correct me if I am mistaken.

Love to you. God bless you!!!!

[gratitude28]

GS,
Which came first, the chicken or the egg???? I was wondering this too. Since they have halted development (mentally), as Lupe said, they spend all their time on building up the ego. So I would guess that they never had a chance to form any sort of self-truth or knowledge. I wonder, is there a point where the child could go one way or another? What makes them choose the more vile path?

[Juno]

Yeah, I would say that the disordered people are in survival mode at all times.  I picture their minds as being like those magicians who keep spinning plates on sticks, just constantly running from one to the other to keep them in the air.  Only they never stop, except maybe when they're asleep or they just take off for the next promotion or nicer situation.  Then all the plates come crashing down and we are left with the mess.  They never have to face that.  So, they don't even know it exists. 

The facade is very, very, very important to these people.  It must be attached to some part of themselves that is even more basic or deep-seated than the triggers we deal with and try to release.

Or they're just very lazy.  It is a lot of work doing this introspection process.

[Ami]

Dear Beth
 It is funny that you bring this up b/c I am just seeing that I do have introspection capabilities and I am SO thankful .I think that N's are  emotional "bricks." N's very rarely get jokes b/c jokes have nuances and N's don't see nuances, usually.
 My H very rarely gets jokes . I tell him that I am going to say or do s/thing crazy and he thinks I am serious.
 They really can not "help" their thinking. They can control actions, though. They chose WHO  they will abuse and when they will stop.
 The person's thinking stays  the same, though. They can't get away with their stuff with all people, all the time, so they modify. That is why you must be very,very strong with an N.
 My H and M are still beaten down, many months later. They tried to rise up a few times and it took a few good whacks(lol).   Love,  Ami

[Lupita]

N's brains are wired different, they do not have insight, they do not have empathy. Those cables do not exist in thier brains. I compare it with a form of autism, or Asperger, something more functional, becuase they are able to work, to function in te world and many times they charmy, and attractive. That is why maney fall in thier traps.

[Ami]

That is a very, very good point, Lupita, and really helps. You sound much better, Lupita, and I am happy for that!          Ami

[Gabben]

I think the N never has time to reflect upon his behavior because he is so busy in his head keeping games and stories straight and figuring out how to act with each person. I think the only time we can learn about ourselves is when we are being honest, and they can't get to that point because they don't even know what reality is. Maybe there is no real person... it is just a collage of what they have copied...

This rings very true and it is a good insight into the mind of the N. It can be helpful to see this about them because it frees me from the frustration of wondering why they do not see themselves.

It made me think of N saint and how much pretense she has going on in her; she has to expend a great deal of energy maintaining pretense which does not leave a lot of time leftover for self reflection.

There is a real person there and one that deserves dignity and respect but they are deeply disordered and their core is gone....blown away...they are a shell.

After my relationship with N saint I have no idea who or what she is really about. She was a carbon copy of a others taking and borrowing traits and characteristics of others she envied.

Once I asked her how she felt and the got the most perplexed look and tone in her voice as if I had just asked her how it felt to go to the moon and back....she fumbled and mumbled. Now I realize that she was trying to figure out the best response of how someone she liked or admired would answer such a question as "how do YOU feel?" Her answer did not come from her heart....

I feel for her now, I have pity and I pray that when she wakes up and see's how lost she is that someone will be there to hold her hand and help lead her back to reality with acceptance.

Everyone has so much to offer in this world including the N's who offer us a chance to heal and grow past the wounds of our childhood.

[gratitude28]

Lise,
I am with my NM now, and watching her is exactly as you described. I see her evaluating what response she thinks I will like, trying to keep up with whatever image she is trying to project at the moment. I had a moment of clarity this morning which was exactly as you said - I realized she will never see herself, because she never stops trying to figure out how she is supposed to "be." It is sad. I sometimes wish I could feel sorry for her, but lately I don't. All I feel is wary. Extremely wary.
Juno (PP), very astute description... It puts me in place (a shard-sweeper).
((Ami and Lupita))))))))))

[Gabben]

Lise,
I am with my NM now, and watching her is exactly as you described. I see her evaluating what response she thinks I will like, trying to keep up with whatever image she is trying to project at the moment. I had a moment of clarity this morning which was exactly as you said - I realized she will never see herself, because she never stops trying to figure out how she is supposed to "be." It is sad. I sometimes wish I could feel sorry for her, but lately I don't. All I feel is wary. Extremely wary.
Juno (PP), very astute description... It puts me in place (a shard-sweeper).
((Ami and Lupita))))))))))

Beth -- it is much easier to feel sorry for someone when they are far away but when they are directly in your path you have to put on a protective sheild to deflect against their toxic slings during which there is not much time leftover for us to pity, hence the wariness...you know what I mean.

Your in my prayers for strength and grace.

Love,
Lise