Hi
I agree with Allused up,life makes no sense there is no reasons for the cruelties we endure. There are no satisfactory explanations.
There is not many havens in this world that exist that narcissists do not infiltrate. These kinds of places need moerarators and protectors who are acutely aware of the word games and tactics narcissists use to gain emotional control over an expressive social mileu.
Sometimes being positive does not change the problem. Because positivity alone and self choosing,does nothing to confront the problem person who causes the problems..
The problem is a person who cannot let others be is seeking to control a group and wants to set the tone of what can and cannot be said.
All used up seems to need to cry to say her pain and be heard.
Her first two thread responses were bullshit, thee way they were so oblivious to All used up's pain They could have been written by narcissists.
They were not listening to all used up, it was discounting and dehumanizing of what her voice was expressing about herself and her space in her heart...
When people say crap like the first two responses on this thread to people in pain speaking up,it's sick. When people say platitudes like it's up to you to choose not to feel the way you feel ect.. it's not help.It has nothing to do with listening to thier voice say anymore..It's about controlling by putting it all on the speaker that they alone are the source of all thier own suffering.THis is new age bullshit pull yourself up by your bootstraps crap.Sometimes that can sentiment can apply to a situation sometimes it does not. You have to be willing to LISTEN to someone before you tell them advice,and if they don't want it,get over yourself....A person wants someone else uses advice or insult to tell someone else to not use thier voice to express thier own pain they are a narcissist ,emotionally immature,self absorbed know it all,or emotionally overwhemed..
Suffering is unpleasent to hear. And alot of people do alot of crap that does not help to avoid hearing the suffering.
Allusedup:
Don't let anyone else here belittle your voice and expeerinces and tell you you are not supposed to feel as you do...They can't feel you if they think they are entitled to tell you how to feel, what you should say or what is or is not healthy for you.
A nacissist is what does that kind of thing to people ,a narcissist can't stand someone else being who they are,and feeling as they feel without getting defensive,competitive, threatened or trying to drown out what you say/feel with distractions,insults platitudes or some other nonsense.
They are NOT you and because they are not you they do not have authority or insight into you like you have,to tell you hoe to feel or use your vooice..~ever~.
Other people are not living your life as you experincing what you faced as you do,and because they are not you they have no business telling you what hurts you or what is worth expressing for you,and what sanity or emotional intensity is for you or telling you what is not 'appropriate'to say if you are not being a bully and trying to control how others express thier voices..
Allusedup,I hear you,I hear your hurt too. and I will listen to what you say, and I won't run away or discount your experinces,you know what you feel and I cannot tell you what you should be.I can't be that arrogant to you it sickens me..
If you just need to be heard,I'm here..That is the least I can do.
I won't try to fix anything , if advice isn't what you say you need from me.I can't change you..I can only comment on what I hear you say about yourself ,and sometimes I can hear what you say wrong..It 's up to you how you want to use this place.But I can listen and that is something sometimes people who claim to be good listeners refuse to do,even on a board about being voiceless and finding your voice again ..
Sometimes people's voices cry out for want of compassion,sometimes they want aknowlegement,sometimes they want emotional or intellectual verification of what they see,sometimes they want someone to share with them, sometimes it's just pain.All of these voices are legit expressions and worth being sounded and heard.It is the narcissist deafining us.And full blown narcissists interfere with healing as they go on jockeyinging for positions of popularity to get in of contol of groups of people..
It is the narciusist who tries everything mindgame he can to stifle the voices of others he does not like to hear to make them silent or be a voice that sings his tune only..
Only than can he create the appearance and illusion of security that soothes the savage egotist,that domination illusion/ manipulation,blame the person for thier own shortcomings and pain game that he uses to tell himself he is in control of the painful thoughts and feelings inside himself.He does this thought control by controlling the emotions, thoughts and feelings,and expressions of that others have inside them from being heard ,he supresses what he denies is in him by silencing it in others around around him. A bully cannot stand anyone else expressing weakness and pain around him because he is weak,in pain and so afraid of himself he won't dare aknowlege it is in his own heart too. So he lies to himself ,and bullies to keep up the appearance of self control and power.So to keep his lie intact he won't let anyone else aknowlege your weakness pain or emotional voice.
He won't let others be who they are,unless they are like him...or willing to tailor who they are and what they express about themselves to fit his demands so that the power he uses may not be seen as hollow and the truth that he is miserable small,and has no control leaks out..and his popularity evaporates as the group consiousness changes to the point he has no cuulture for company and either must leave the group and go find another that tolerates him or change himself.
He'd rather live his lie and trip his own ego more often than not.
And I do detect a few narcissistic tendancies inpeople here. Just ignore them if you see them and seek out compatible compassionate people who'll listen to ya..
Take Care Ok?
