Where I am.

[Gaining Strength]

like a physical symbol of my 'unconscious'  they are like 'in denial.'
Amen sister.  I am with you on this.

The really exciting stuff is the way you are rewriting and engaging with where you are in the moment,
Thank you Iphi.  I'm moving forward and I am thankful for it.

Phoenix Rising - I needed to read your post several times over two days in order to begin to understand it.  I still have a way to go.  Let me try to put it in my own words.  By proactively, "creating" before I even need to "rewrite" that I am actually creating a new me rather than healing the old me.  I see the great advantage of setting my sights on creating, it puts me in charge, in control of setting the agenda rather than letting the old stuff set it.

Carolyn - I love being da Bomb!!
Now that lifts my spirit!  The day was good.  Each day is turning around little by little.  Thanks by to God.

[sKePTiKal]

Yep - you got it! 

Sorry I'm so dense to understand... I sometimes have the same problem with my own words!

[Ami]

Just thinking of you,(((((((( GS)))))))))))         Love   Ami

[Certain Hope]

Each day is turning around little by little.

Dear GS... it surely shows... and Amen!!! to thanking God for the increase... in strength and fortitude and progress!

Still, there are times (wish I could call them moments, but unfortunately they're a bit longer-lasting) when my mind threatens to leap back into some old whirlwind of stinking thinking. At last, it's come to my attention that this phenomenon is a reappearance of that old rut which lies alongside the little hill on which I stand after achieving or accomplishing some satisfactory goal. From that rut hiss all sorts of accusatory voices, beckoning me to join them in the muck, where it's never enough and it's never right. Maybe it's the remnants of old perfectionism, I don't know, but it's nasty and dark and threatens to paralyze...  and it is at just exactly that point where I've found it's absolutely imperative to simply do the next thing, even something small, but don't heed that siren call. Today was one of those extended moments. After work, the "next thing" to do was lie down for a brief nap... so I did. And the spell was broken. 

Gotta love tossin another shovel-full of dirt onto those old hissing snakes. Boa constrictors they are, I think... squeezing the life right out of ya if you don't watch out. No more!

Love to you and a wonderful day tomorrow,
Carolyn

[Gaining Strength]

After work, the "next thing" to do was lie down for a brief nap... so I did. And the spell was broken.
Way to go!!  It's no walk in the park but heaven knows it is worth the battle.  Humans were not created to live dark lives.

I am running into that old stuff regularly but I am not giving in.  Reading, rewriting, looking forward, labeling the yetch as old, old stuff.

[Hopalong]

Wow, GS. Just WOW!
 

Carolyn, thank you so very much for that simple description. I am thinking about staying present and Next Thing. That is a really really helpful concept for me.

big hugs to you,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

((((((((((((Hops)))))))))) thanks. Actually, you have taught me the most about not feeling compelled to be super-woman...  and that's a good thing, because I mighta died trying!!  Even with the head-knowledge of all the anti-perfectionistic truths under the sun and the deep heart-knowledge of my own dire need for the grace of God, I still needed to hear someone in-skin say that I'm not perfect... and that's okay.
What a novel idea, eh?  lol

No nap today, but I did just tell my son that I am officially out of "answer-woman mode" at this time and that I require a period of quiet restoration during which he will kindly keep his stream of consciousness silent... lol. whew. I needed that!

(((((((((((GS)))))))))))  My recent couple of yetches (not sure what that is, but it sounds disgusting and therefore definitely fits!) have revolved around not being able to find something/solve something/answer something which appeared to be urgent at the time. Had to talk myself down from that state of urgency (panic, really) by reminding myself that the earth was turning on its axis before I realized my ineptitude and that it would continue to turn as I pondered alternative solutions to the issue at hand. Suddenly, it all didn't seem so dire anymore. Next time (and I am sure there will be a next time) I fully expect to accept my own lacks with even more grace than last time.   Hope you were graceful to yourself today!

Love,
Carolyn

[Gabben]

when my worst fears come true, like I "feel" shamed, I can see that it won't kill me.
I am not there yet.  My worst fears have come true fear that we will be rejected, abandoned, ridiculed, not good enough) and it does feel like it has killed me.

Dear GS -- Is has killed you. No, you are not gone, but your spirit was taken. Shame is a silent killer...it takes our soul. But your growth and determination to overcome is your genuine voice...not the voice of shame. I see your gentle determination, it shines through -- it is beautiful. Reflecting on this shows me that our real selves shine above all the toxic waste that was dumped on us as children.

For me, mourning the loss of self, the loss of my voice, the loss of rescue brings relief. Once again, it is those healing tears that cleanse us and remove the shame.

Somedays I can find the painful memories of my childhood evaporating into a peace that is of another dimension, something that I want more of.

Like you told me once...the light at the end of the tunnel is there, right?

Love,
Lise

[Gaining Strength]

Somedays I can find the painful memories of my childhood evaporating into a peace that is of another dimension, something that I want more of.
This is so clearly the sign of healing to me.  Have you ever read Agnes Sanford?  I love her.  She found that as she healed her painful memories were no longer painful.

the light at the end of the tunnel is there, right?
Absolutely. 

I had another good day today.  A combination of processing dealing with my mother at "grandparents day" (ultra passive-aggressive) and rewriting creating a repore(sp) with people who have been difficult in the past.

[Iphi]

You all continue to inspire.  I'm pretty sure I saw some yetch in the baby's diaper this morning.   

[Overcomer]

GS-I have a mental picture of you climbing out of a dungeon.  With each rung of the ladder there is this monster grabbing at your feet trying to pull you back in....but with much determination you are climbing and up above is an organized yard, a neat and tidy house and a smile on your face.  You and your son have peace and serenity.  Your parents hand you a check for a million bucks and tell you, "This is for nothing........just because we love you...."

OK, so I took it too far.  I often wish my parents would do that for me.....

But the other part is right.  You are climbing out.  You are making progress!!

[Ami]

((((((((((GS))))))))
Thinking of you, friend!      Love   Ami