another tearjerker--another cry

[debkor]

Iz,

When I decided that I would drink some cough medicine while my sister was calling to my mom to come watch the Beetles on the Ed Sullivan Show.  I loved this cough medicne taste and was told and re told DANGER!  DO NOT TOUCH and it was always put out of the way.  Mom ran to see the beetles and I took the opportunity to (neatly) pour some out on wax paper and try to eat it with a fork.  Mom noticed I was missing and caught me red handed, SCREAMED, scared the hell out of me and called the doctors.  Then we went through the speech how I should not touch medicine's and they could kill me if too much and bla, bla.

Now later we go to a place that was set up like an old time town.  They had a place that looked like an old time drug store, something like little house on the Prairie with barrels filled withl little seperate packages with about oh, 5 or 6 red pills in each one for free.  My mom grabbed a handfull and put them in her pocket book.

Later on I would see her digging in her bag and eating packages at the same time.  I was horrified and thought OH she could DIE.
I went running with her pocket book straight to the bathroom and dumped them all down the toilet as I was hysterical.

She asked me what was wrong and I said, YOUR EATING TOO MANY PILLS. 

They were candy, red hots, and I did not know. I thought it was pills. 

How was I supposed to know. 

Love
Deb

[lighter]

Aww, Deb.

You thought your mom was having a poison party: (

Poor thing.
 

Lighter

[debkor]

Light,

I really did.  That is why I would never bring in things like the Flinstone Vitamins or anything that looked like candy to my home for my children.  Now I understand they have ones that look like gummy bears.

I know, first hand, how confusing it can be at that age. 

Love
Deb

[lighter]

Must be careful careful careful with vitamins and children.

I agree, Deb.

Lighter

[Izzy_*now*]

It's maddening when one loses a post? 

I did and it had to do with not blaming my mom and previous generations because that was then and them. It can be hiurtful, can be severely damaging, but not one second of the past can be changed.

Perhaps I was not meant to send the post I prepared and it was lost for a reason (other than my pic being too large.)


My grandson at more of an age, like Trevor in the movie-- and before his father N-isized him..... as still with his mother.

[lighter]

Lots to sort through Izzy.....

tell me,
when you think of your mother now.... what comes to mind?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

You know that.

When you think of your grandson.... what hits you first?

Lighter

[Izzy_*now*]

hi
when I think of my mother I think of her  (picture her) at a family get together, sitting in her w'chair, alone, and looking at me, in mine, as though.....what? Face emotionless, as usual, so...............?

When I think of my grandson--younger? older?

Younger, just the most pleasant little boy who loved me to death.

Grown? as when he came out on his motorcycle ----very capable of many things and leaning toward N tendencies--a little too full of self. but not a hateful young man

He is one to be proud of, on one hand, and one to wonder about , on the other. Daughter days she doen't 'know' him anymore.

His N-father has the influence and KC thinks of his dad as his hero! That kills me!

[Hopalong]

But KC's still very young...and he had that amazing terrible experience of being lost at sea and his uncle dying in his arms...one day, KC will recognize his own manhood and realize he has experiences and qualities that are his own, and not need his Nfather's approval.

One day, he'll be just as smart as his grandmother, and find out (oh painfully) who his father is. But it will set him free.

(He has your beautiful eyes, doesn't he?)

Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

Thanks Hops,

Just as long as he doesn't allow that one incident to define his whole life!

Latest is that he joining the forces and going to Afghanistan---

oh my

Does he have a death wish?

[Hopalong]

Oh I hope not.
I hope you'll email with him a lot...tell him your stories.

It will mean so much to him while he's over there, if he does have the email access some soldiers do.
If not, you can write him letters...he may get a bunch at once...but what a gift to have from your grandmother.

I believe you'd become a whole new person to him.

xo
Hops

[lighter]

Izzy.... I agree with Hops.

Your Grandson will one day see his father more clearly.

When mean people are mean to everyone else.....

but you.....

eventually they'll be mean to you, too.

Just a matter of time.

Staying in touch with him......

 allowing him to come to his own ideas about his father......

 will strengthen your relationship with him.

You'll always hold the place of beloved Grandmother in his littl child's heart.... no matter how old he gets.

Receiving letters of support from you will be a great comfort to him when he's far away from home, don't you think?

::sending prayers for him::

Please thank him for his service and we'll all hope he comes home soon, unharmed.

Lighter

[Certain Hope]

Iz, he looks alot like my son...
and I'm so sorry he's going to join the fray over there.

You know, I think that most young people of that age group are quite N'istic... but that's a far cry from full-blown NPD.

Something else, too... in order to feel like a real man, I think that boys go through a stage where they practically HAVE to idealize their dads, or else they have no identity of their own. (Same for girls, too, to a certain extent.)  This'll pass, as he forges more of an identity of his own.
Praying for his safety.

Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

It's so interesting, Hops, your suggestion of emailing KC, as I had that thought in mind as I listened to the interview on the radio -him, his mother, his father, all spliced as one report.

I felt then that I had some things I wanted to share with him, about us, maybe about my life, my broken leg whatever. I'll know when I get started.

He will be 22 On Oct 3.

and lighter, I answered some questions of yours. Did you have any enlightened ideas?

Thank you, and Carolyn

xx
Izzy

[lighter]

Sorry Izz....

I read your thoughts on your mother and.....

it really struck a nerve for me.

I pictured my own father..... sitting in his wheelchair.... staring at me without expression.

Reminded me of a dream I used to have. 

Very sad and confusing.

I was a bit lost in thoughts about my relationship with him.... didn't want to revisit it for a little while.

I'll think about it soon and get back to you.

As for your Grandson.... that strikes a nerve too.  Loving a Grandchild like your own.... then having to be parted.

More unfair loss and heartbreak for you....

who've already suffered so much. 

How strong must you be.....

is all I could think of.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Lighter,

How strong must you be.....

is all I could can think of.

Hops