Howr'e you doing, Hops?

[towrite]

Hope the "informal meeting" with your bro et al goes well for you. Maybe a lack of fireworks and an abundance of reasoned discussion would be nice, eh? I will wish that for you.

What's a 3D VSMB, if you don't mind my asking?  What's a covenant group??

towrite/Kate

[axa]

Hiya Hops,

I was one of the people who advised against seeing him but so what.  As you will be aware it was from a place of concern for you and your precious heart.  I guess I also know how easily I can get attached to someone and the consequences of that for me have been pretty horrible.  But, you are keeping your head and that is the important thing.  I have no doubt whatever the outcome there will be a lesson in this engagement with your T. 

Its strange but for the first time in my life I am alone and Happy with it.  It really is such a shock to me.  I think it has to do with going back to school which takes up so much of my time and I find it so interesting.  I go to the movies alone, one of my favourite things, and it never bothers me.  I think a level of self care is putting things in place for yourself so that you are connected with the world in a stimulating way.  This has been my experience.

With XN I gave up on everything, except him, this has been a huge lesson to me.  If I met a guy I know that I don't have time to throw myself full time into a relationship and I like that feeling.  I have a life again and it feels so satisfying...........not sure why I am rambling on about this but I'll keep going.

Leah,

It is sad to read about your XH and the lack of softness and touch.  Being held is a lovely feeling.  XN was a big cuddler and to be honest the thought of someones arms around me freaks me a bit.  I associate it with waiting for the punishment after the gift of the hugs.

Good to talk to you both,

axa

[Hopalong]

Axa, so good to hear from you, and thank you. Knowing people care what's going on in one's life makes such a difference. In fact I haven't heard from him in a while so I am thinking he may have hit the Pause button. But I feel no trauma over that. I am okay in the present.

I've also been enjoying a bond with the younger man who gardens in my yard with me. He's smart, funny, a rebel. It doesn't have to be Grand Romance, it's just nice to have male interest in my life. As to the holding now being associated with impending punishment...oy. I know.

I saw my last bf, a huge N, on TV the other night. He was giving a presentation before City Council. Whereas before I found his face attractive, and his cold eyes beautiful, now he looks lizard-like. Funny how that works...

I am thrilled to hear about your health and wholeness. Me, too, movies alone have always been a pleasure. I shall indulge again, thanks for reminding me!

I've lately realized I simply must get the TV out of my bedroom and turn back to old bedtime habits of reading. I will get a neighbor boy to help, perhaps this weekend.

love,
Hops

[axa]

Hi Hops,

Great to hear you are well.  Gardener boy..........mmmmmh now why did the name Mellors jump into my head........oh what a bad little mind I have!  Male company is nice, I have met a few nice men through university and that has been fun but NO ROMANCE THERE.  I am exercising a lot these days and while I hate the thought of it I feel so good once I get stuck in.  On wed evenings I go walking with a friend around the city streets, it is lovely walking in nice neighbourhoods, admiring the architecture and gardens, having a fantasy about the houses we would like to live in.  There are so many interesting lectures going on around the city, free to students, I find my mind is on overdrive and I like that feeling......it has improved my suduko (do you have that in the States) skills no end.  There is a great Art House Movie theatre attached to the university and I love hanging out there.  My dear friend from the States has left and that was something we used to do together but it is still good doing in alone.  I am looking forward to the summer, planning picnics in the park, walks on the hills, etc.  There are a number of festivals going on throughout the summer and that is something to look forward to.  Next week is the start of an international street theatre festival so that should be fun.  Boy, I just feel happy Hops.........sending some of it your way.

hugs,

axa

[lighter]

Yup yup yup... Suduko's here in the States too: )

[axa]

Hi Lighter,

XN told me I would not be able to do suduko as I am not good at math.......... struck me the other day, suduko has nothing to do with math, its about patterns.....oh my goodness Mr Omnipotent got it wrong and I CAN do suduko...........slowly LOL

xxx

axa

[lighter]

Heh.... that's not the only thing Mr. Omnipotent was wrong about; )

::picturing you greeting him, mute, at your back door::

Bet he's still scratching his head over that one. 

That was the post that told me how strong you are.

Light

[Hopalong]

Me too.
I saw it at that moment too, Axa!
Your silence then was the opposite of voicelessness.

And you REALLY make me want to save up for a plane ticket!

xxoo
Hops

[lighter]

::Sending you strength and patience for the meeting ahead::

Let us know how the meeting with your brother goes, Hops.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Off to the meeting in a few...please send concentrated VESMB vibes for strength and a GOOD outcome at 9:00 AM EST!

thanks thanks,
Hops

[lighter]

It's 9am....

                  ::picturing Hops calmly seating herself::

yup yup yup....


           ::sending her thoughts of fellowship..... to see the truth more clearly, and respond with grace.... with self care::

A prayer for Hops then off to the shower with me.

Lighter

[Ami]

(((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))            Love  Ami

[Hopalong]

Thanks Lighter, Ami, Amber, everybody--

Guess what? My brother didn't come! He said it was a crisis with my neice (possible but could also have been an excuse). Either way, it mitigates his vigor in pursuing a suit, I think.

His lawyer came and was very reasonable. Between his and mine, I think they're on the same page about hopefully making all this go away without court involvement. Sounds good to me! I just need to finish up my Medicaid application with my lawyer, and we'll give copies to them.

As expected, my brother tried to have me allowing "relatives" to stay in the house when they visit. That would be his kids, whom he'd be using like chess pieces, so I said at some point, the kids, sure, but I'm not comfortable around my brother now. I think I need to even retract that for now. I just want them to leave me alone.

I'll always care about the kids, but I don't need to host them right now either. And if my brother needs a place to stay, he can ask one of the neighbors he was whispering to. Grrr.

I feel as though one anvil is off a shoulder and the other anvil is teetering and may fall soon.

(Just need to keep an eye on my toes, and remember with an N, it's never over until it's over.)

Feeling MUCH better, and thanks for all the caring and support and good thoughts, everyone.

love muchly,
Hops

[Leah]

Hope you are okay, and everything went well, for you Hops

Love, Leah


Edit in:  we posted at the same time!

[lighter]

Glad to hear there was no fretful drama..... tears and impossible terms set.

Curiouse..... what page are the attorney's on?

Lighter