Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Adult Siblings Who Were Raised in Narcissitic Families
Dawning:
Hi Ishana,
It sounds like you have made a sincere attempt to forge a relationship with your brother. Maybe give it a rest for awhile and try again later if that's what you need to do. If you believe that he is a racist and you are part of a bi-racial couple then let it go. Racism is deep-rooted stuff and usually stays forever. Sad. That's not your fault. Maybe your brother is limited and no amount of kindness and good-intent on your part will get him to come around.
Btw, I just realized what I omitted from my story... I have a half-brother. My father remarried and my half-brother is several years younger than me. A relationship between us was never encouraged by anyone. I only met him once when I was 12 years old. Similar situation to Jenocidal's in some ways. He was the golden boy and I was the result of the first failed marriage. Father's new wife was cold to me and blamed me for everything that went wrong that summer of my 12th year but I was already used to it so it didn't bother me as much as it should have. My fantasy world had already kicked in anyway and was keeping me alive.
I think my half-brother is married now and has a child. When I spoke to my father on the phone in January for the first time in 19 years, I asked how my half-brother is doing. Dad's answer: "that's a good question." In the foreseeable future, I may ask my father for my half-brother's contact info. Half-brother has never reached out to me. Sometimes, I give myself to wondering if he ever thinks about me. I haven't given the attention to this aspect of my dysfunctional family that it obviously deserves.
bunny:
Ishana,
It sounds like your brother feels irrationally threatened by you. Possibly he fears you will make some demands on him that he can't fulfill (financially and emotionally). I think he feels guilty, hence the avoidance. Do you two share any interests (sports teams or something)? That may be a way to reach him.
bunny
bunny:
Jenocidal,
I think your brother is paying a very heavy price for being the favorite. And I think he knows it's abnormal to sleep with his mother. He still chooses to do so. At 18, he can do whatever he wants and no one can stop him. I wonder what his girlfriend thinks of his sleeping arrangements!
All you can do (imo) is be there for him in case he starts questioning his own choices and wants to talk about it.
bunny
Ishana:
Bunny,
Yes, a relationship with your half-brother could be very rewarding. Good luck with whatever your choices are with that.
As far as my brother, I have no idea what his interests are and he has no interest in sharing with me on that level. What I have given him, in the past, when he requested it or for special occassions like his birthday, are positive memories that I have from the days before our mother died. Since he was only 2 year old but I was almost 7 years old, I do have memories that I can share to let him know how loved and cared for he was and that I am sure she would not have wanted him to have been abused and mistreated in the ways that he was. He has told me these memories mean a lot to him, even though he doesn't have any recollection of them himself. I think it helped him understand more about the circumstances of his life (he was adopted by my biological mother and father.) I will try to keep in touch with phone calls (phone messages more likely), e-mails and cards and letters. That is what is comfortable for me. If he would like more I would step up to the plate (as I have in the past) to whatever degree he requests and I feel comfortable with. If he never does agree to have a relationship with me I still love him the same and understand that he has a great deal of pain and hurt also. But I can't force someone to be in relationship with me that doesn't want to. :(
Thanks for your replies, Bunny, and good luck on your relationship with your half-brother.
Ishana
Ishana:
Bunny,
By the way, what does "imo" mean? :)
Ishana
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version