Thank You ,James

[Leah]

Quote:   People are hurt on many levels:  intellectual, emotional, physical, psychic, relational, spiritual.

It was the emotional hurt and pain that made my stomach churn.

Someone being flippant and dismissing my pain with words of "she could not help it"  AND "suck it up - forget about it and move on"

only served to create angst and make my stomach churn even more! 

The additional pain, angst, and bewilderment, of not being listened to, and my experience not being understood, pervaded my entire life, and I just know that this is exactly the same for other people too, worldwide.

Iphi's posting on the subject of "Silent Inner Agony"  spoke validation of my lifetime walk along the journey of life, and I feel sure, multitudes of other people too.

The "Silent Inner Agony"  having never been heard, because no-one would listen, is just one aspect.

"Like one's soul being on fire all the time" - is profoundly accurate.

What does that do to one's stomach?    No surprise then, that so many people have stomach complaints and ailments - created by emotional turmoil?

Psychological Invalidation and Dismissal of a person's reality is not good!  A person's feelings and emotions belong to the person who owns them, and as such, they ought to be acknowledged and respected - for the integrity and value of the person. 

Disregard, tears a person apart - it objectifies.



Ami and James,

Truly, I am so glad to know that you are healed from your 'stomach ache'


Love to all,

Leah

[Ami]

Dear James
 So many layers, so little time(lol) .I have more to talk about,later, on this thread.      Love  Ami


PS Leah, I hear you sounding so clear and strong. You are doing so well, Leah.

[Hopalong]

Iphi,
I was thinking there might have been an early trauma in your father's life that we don't identify as trauma...if he was constantly, constantly praised as a child, and taught that he was SO special and bright and wonderful, and over indulged, that may have been a trauma to his emotional health, because you can't develop into a balanced person if you are over-exalted for the ordinary. Priase and delight are fine responses to children, but when they're overdone, a kid's ego bloats. I read something to that effect that this can produce narcissists...

love
Hops

[Leah]

Iphi,
I was thinking there might have been an early trauma in your father's life that we don't identify as trauma...if he was constantly, constantly praised as a child, and taught that he was SO special and bright and wonderful, and over indulged, that may have been a trauma to his emotional health, because you can't develop into a balanced person if you are over-exalted for the ordinary. Priase and delight are fine responses to children, but when they're overdone, a kid's ego bloats. I read something to that effect that this can produce narcissists...

love
Hops

Hops - I am so grateful that I was NOT praised or indulged!!   lol   Leah x

[Chamomile]

When a parent gives praise instead of messages of love, this is called conditional love and the child is left feeling that they are unworthy outside of their actions and achievments-- and that their actions and achievments are only worthy when they are recognized.  In otherwords there is no real confidence, no real security, no anchor of self-worth.

You can never spoil a child with too much time and attention of the right sort.  But you can spoil and starve a child's soul when in place of real expressions of love you offer things and praise.

Real love is choosing to spend time with your child as often as you reasonably can (they'll understand, I think, if you have to work or whatever, they'll know when you're really trying) and when you really listen to them, and when you tell them, every day, for no reason, that you think they are beautiful and you love them.

I feel bad for the child who is spoiled with material things, lessons, and praise.  How sad.  They learn to equate their self worth with those things.  Perhaps one of the reasons I didn't turn into a narcissist (when at least one sibling did) is because I had people outside of my Nparents who validated my worth unconditionally, outside of all of that peripheral stuff.  I thank God for that. 

[Leah]

Perhaps one of the reasons I didn't turn into a narcissist (when at least one sibling did) is because I had people outside of my Nparents who validated my worth unconditionally, outside of all of that peripheral stuff.  I thank God for that. 

I do think that is so true, having wondered so many times as to how I made it through.  And I do thank God that I had people in my life who made a real difference for my life as a person.

Leah x

[Iphi]

Thank you for your thoughts regarding conditional love and 'spoiling,' hops, chamo and leah.  Your thoughts help me see my dad's plight with more compassion.  I have always had compassion for his apparent situation, but in a lot of ways I have missed his true situation and it is only here and now that I am realizing that.