depression et al

[towrite]

My RM told me today that I never smile or laugh anymore. I felt that but was surprised to know it showed. I always think I live behind a mask. It's hard for me to show my true feelings in 3D. Always fear people/friends will walk away 'cuz they can't put up with me. Talked to an old friend last night for the first time since I lost my house. It made me so sad, remembering all the laughing we used to do. I just can't bring myself to unload all this depression and bad luck on people I like and care about. When they ask me how I am, I just cringe and try to slide to another topic.

I am so superstitious at this point that I am terrified of saying anything about a job I interviewed for last week. Might jinx it.

[Iphi]

(((((towrite)))))

[LilyCat]

towrite,

I know how you feel. When I've been in bad depression, I've almost never let anyone know. I doubt anyone could guess unless they really knew me. (Although I do tell certain people.)

You've been through a lot and you're still going through a lot. Just be patient with yourself. And, make sure you get in touch with any anger you might have. Lots of times depression is unexpressed or unacknowledged anger. My therapist helped me a lot with that.

But sometimes it's about loss, too, and it sounds like you've had a lot of that recently.

Just wanted to say "I hear you."

Be good to yourself. And good luck on the job!! I'm always afraid to tell people, too.

((((((towrite))))))

[towrite]

Lil - there's a lot of wisdom in your words. Thanks.

[LilyCat]

You're welcome.

I have enormous sympathy and/or empathy (i'm often not sure which is the write word...) for people who suffer from depression and/or are facing tough circumstances in life. Rough road to travel on.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

LC

[Ami]

Dear Kate
 I know what you mean about sharing feelings of depression. You don't want people to "run away".
 Sometimes, I am too down to care. Then, I usually have a good talk with s/one b/c I am so "real" and they respond ,likewise.
 After Scott died, I was so "real' that some of my "superficial" friends got closer .
 I never realized how much "normal" people were hurting b/c I put myself in a separate category b/c of my NM. It was a relief to be in the category of "human", although I don't often stay there b/c I go in to the category of "bad"--bleh(lol).
 It is really hard to decide when and how much of  our pain to share(IMO). I can really empathize with that.   Love    Ami

(((((((Kate))))))))))
 

[darren]

My RM told me today that I never smile or laugh anymore. I felt that but was surprised to know it showed. I always think I live behind a mask. It's hard for me to show my true feelings in 3D. Always fear people/friends will walk away 'cuz they can't put up with me. Talked to an old friend last night for the first time since I lost my house. It made me so sad, remembering all the laughing we used to do. I just can't bring myself to unload all this depression and bad luck on people I like and care about. When they ask me how I am, I just cringe and try to slide to another topic.

I am so superstitious at this point that I am terrified of saying anything about a job I interviewed for last week. Might jinx it.

I don't think I've smiled or laughed in literally ages.  People are always asking me if I'm okay, or telling me to smile and it usually irks me a bit.  I'm always afraid to share myself because I don't want to be a downer, or I'm afraid letting the skeletons out might overwhelm people.  Part of that might be true, since I don't share I tend to store it all up and then at some point it comes spilling out.  Sometimes I think if I share that I'll be a burden.

its great you're getting it out though... keeping things inside is always what keeps me stuck.  I can definately relate to not wanting to talk about being sad.  I do a lot of pretending that everything's okay when its not.  You aren't alone!

[Leah]

Praying for a good outcome from that job interview ((((( Kate ))))) an outcome that will be good for you.

Love Leah

[Izzy_*now*]

When somebody asks hpw you are, smile and ask back," Do you want me to say fine or to tell you the real truth?"  Then sigh. They will know, or...

...you might get a smile from both of you , or....

Izzy

[towrite]

And a cold bottle of Spaten to you, Iz! I think I will try that. But I'm smiling more now with the new med.

[Ami]

((((((((((Kate)))))))
Thinking of you, friend! Glad you are a little better.      Love   Ami