I've always believed there's good in eveeyone, even the mean spirited. You just have to look a little deeper and try a little harder, but you'll find a good side in anyone. i never looked at the doing/detting things done and the dynamics that it took that way all these years. It started long ago, doing for the one I loved because I could and it made things easier/better for him, and I was happy to do what I could for the one I cared for. giving/lending help, doing for someone else because I wanted to and I enjoy giving a hand brought me to being someone, somewhere I couldn't understand how I could have allowed myself to get to.
It all came to a head last Nov. '07, when I filed my final divorce papers. That's about the time a reference someone made to me about the various disorders, and it was such a relief when I began reading on them and realised they actually applied and I could relate to things I was reading for the first time. Since then, I've come to realise I am not going to understand or be able to figure how and what happen with my ex, what I did or did not do, how to change or make it better...no amount of trying could repair/fix or make anything work out.
In response to one of the attacks from my exs' references to us, re: our dysfuntional relationship, I broke it in to two definition/componets: him= violent abusive narcisist
: me = developementalized codependency behaviorlisms .....NO, I did not send this to him. That would have really added fuel to the fire. I just sat back and really looked at what I had written and thought how ironically appropriate it seemed looking at the past. I can humph abd chuckle at my snide little retorte that no longer applies to me. Like I said, I have been so blessed, I somehow find my way to what I need most to help me get thru, some call it self preservation. I guess I have to accept and apply this to my ex, and perhaps was part of what drove him to some degree.
Nogadge