Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Emotional Divorce
ch:
Hi Ellie and Genuine, and everybody!
Thanks for your response to my query. You are both right.
I think i shall use my experience to screen out controlling people and gravitate towards the more compassionate,respectful, non-judgmental people. Good to see that some good can come of this terrible experience.
Since i hardly have contact with my N family, i hope i won't be venting much. I've already turned most of my sick experiences into humorous anecdotes. My friends think i am so funny. but i know the pain is still deeply imbedded inside my psyche so it really helps to read about everybody's stories here, and get it out for repair.
Do you think, as victims, we are missing something inside, or have something broken inside that needs repairing, or what??? Does anyone feel like they were tricked by a con-artist?
ch:
Sometimes, it s hard to forget that they have NPD. And we, as children, tend to go right back to loving and caring about them because we are capable of that. Isn't it ironic that children are always being tested for unconditional love of their parents and always succeed, however, Nparents, due to their disorder or illness, will fail time and time again. NOT FAIR!!! It is they who truly never love.
So, how can we remind ourselves NOT to do it. NOT to go back for more masosadism. The temptation to go back and try again is so hard to resist because we care so much about them, and want to share our happy selves.
We already have so much horror stories, which, i have found, over time, we tend to forgive and forget because we CAN. That is the beauty of our loving souls. But atlas, we need to remind ourselves that the parents will not recognize us for who we really are.
TO everyone, don't let any guilt get to you!!! Be strong, and choose your surrogate family as you have chosen friends.
Your sister,
CH
Ellie:
Hi CH,
I've just got to respond that I love your reference to Con Artist!!!!!
You wrote:
--- Quote ---Do you think, as victims, we are missing something inside, or have something broken inside that needs repairing, or what??? Does anyone feel like they were tricked by a con-artist?
--- End quote ---
I think you hit the nail on the head in my situation. When someone finds out they've been duped, they get angry, hurt, distrust all others, blame themselves, blame themselves, blame themselves.....
That's where many of us end up until we know about Ns. We blame ourself and think somehow we must have been able to do it better or different and they would have loved us and accepted us.
But we were in the hands of con artists. These con artisits had impressionable, trusting, non-defensive children in there hands. They molded us the way they wanted us to believe their sick ways. I was out of college before I realized every child did not grow up thinking they would never be able to please their parents. I assumed every person experienced that as part of growing up. Wow - what a con!
Plus when attempting to tell others why I have distanced myself from my family, it's easy to say - "They are dangerous con-artists. I don't want to expose my family to that behavior."
Case closed - who would question that motive?
Thank you for putting yet another title to what I lived with in my family! It just makes it a little easier to comprehend why I fell for all of the garbage so easily! :D
Ellie
genuine:
Dear ch,
--- Quote from: ch ---Do you think, as victims, we are missing something inside, or have something broken inside that needs repairing, or what??? Does anyone feel like they were tricked by a con-artist?
--- End quote ---
My 2 cents worth is yes I think we are missing something inside, which is the love, respect and acknowledgement we have been denied by Narcissistic Families BUT on that note I think we can fill that hole ourselves as best we can by other genuine relationships, whether it be a friend, partner or child. More importantly we should nurture our inner child. I am planning on blowing up a favourite childhood photo of mine and I am going to frame it and display it as if it were my own child. I encourage everyone to do that.
I always have a sense of loss because of the abortion but I know one day when my partner and I have children I will be alright again. I know one thing for sure, I don't want my mother to even see my children. I feel tricked alright, every member of my immediate family are con artists..always out for themselves. One brother called me a "slut" when I got pregnant, never mind that I was in a 2 month relationship. I despise them all.
I want to thank everybody for responding to my post. You are the best bunch of people!
genuine
Discounted Girl:
I quite often talk to the little girl in me, sometimes I am looking at pic and sometimes not. I quite often tell myself how much I love that little girl and what a prize and beautiful wonder she is, cherished and valued. It is done privately of course, so as not to confirm the suspicions the old bag has already aroused (haha).
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