Hi everyone,
I thought of you all while I was at group last night. (It's so interesting lately -- basically I'm the only woman in a group of 3 men, plus male therapist, because the other woman travels a lot for work. I mean, a LOT!)
I opened up and talked about how I've been feeling about the N pastor lately -- about how unspeakable his violation was and how it was a professional violation of the most outrageous kind.
OK, good, you would expect support on that.
But then I admitted that I was still very deeply in love with him, and here's where the entitlement to feelings comes in:
My therapist asked why I was so distressed by it, and so did the guys. My therapist asked why I was being so hard on myself and beating myself up for that. "Your feelings are your feelings," he said, "why are you beating yourself up about them?" He continued to explain that we all have mixed feelings about a lot of things, and that it wasn't surprising that I would have opposing feelings to the same person. "In fact," he said, "you may always be in love with N..." and that's okay.
So I just double-checked to be sure: you mean I should just go with the flow? Even though this was a bad man and destructive to me? And he said yes. And the guys concurred. (Even though - ha, ha, ha, when it comes to them they'd rather die than express a feeling, LOL. But it's just great having them there, they're wonderful men. They've been GREAT at helping me with the dating thing. They love it!)
My point is, it felt SOOOOOO good when he reinforced my entitlement to my feelings (of love). It was so freeing, and relaxing, and, well, therapeutic. So, I wish you all entitlement to your feelings, whatever they are and whoever or whatever they're about. Allow yourself to have them without criticism or judgment; just let yourself have them. You'll feel so much better.
xoxo,
Lily
(PS -- I am up to REAL phone contact with someone from eharmony. And another one is going to come by church in a few weeks and we're going to go to lunch afterward. Woo-hoo! Giggle, giggle.)
