Disgust

[gratitude28]

I am consistently amazed at what a disgusting specimen of a human my NM is...

[gratitude28]

I guess I should add some more so that this makes sense. But I know you have all heard it before.

I called NM. She never calls, and I felt like hearing her voice to remind me what a piece of **** she is.

She went on to talk about what she bought herself- a $600 camera - AGAIN. She bought one last year because I have one and she thinks it takes good pictures (uh - maybe it is my eye that gets the good pictures????). Last month it was a new computer... and so on and so on... She also buys at QVC when she is not buying for herself at stores.

Of course my daughter's birthday is tomorrow and she didn't manage to get the presents in the mail (the usual). Also, she is giving her a pink box she made in a class. My daughter likes nothing pink. She reminded me to tell her that it is a gift, so she should like it. She also sent my son more comics from the dollar tore. She sends the same ones over and over - she likes to shop for herself, but needs to show she got something for someone else, so she gets them the same dollar store stuff over and over. The EXACT same things.

Of course, she has been out with my pregnant sister constantly and they have already named the baby as a joke. She was completely uninvolved with my pregnancies. Completely. But that is my fault for not living near them (their excuse).

I sent her a picture on the telephone of my kids getting prizes at their Tae Kwon Do championship this weekend - total disinterest. How cute, she says. But she never even called them to ask how it was.

She told a story about how she pretended to be one of my aunts she 'hates' and called up another aunt to pretend to be her and they nastily laughed at how the third aunt 'hates' her too.

Lovely person, eh????

She also wants to come and visit me in Florida because I will have a nice house with a pool.

Oh, and she remarked about how quickly my sister's med school passed and all - she has never mentioned my degree. It is 'worthless' as far as she is concerned. That is why she helped my sister through med school (well, she IS going to med school... you understand, don't you) and I got to pay my full way and pay off all my undergrad stuff too.

Ugh ugh ugh ugh.

But I did it to myself...

[sea storm]

Hey, try not to put yourself down. This is a bit of hard wiring aquired when you were a defenseless kid.  What you see is really hard to take.

Telling these stories here is a good way to expunge these horrible visions of toxic parenting and you have my sympathy. Well deserved sympathy.

You mom sounds like she is very, very unconscious.  This is no excuse for being so hurtful and such a twit. You really deserve better. I always like to hear what you have to say.

Sea storm

[gratitude28]

Sea,
Thanks for listening. I just really need to vent terribly today with people who will understand.
Love, Beth

[darren]

Sea,
Thanks for listening. I just really need to vent terribly today with people who will understand.
Love, Beth

I agree also, you deserve better.  I completely understand! 

[Ami]

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, Beth. I hear you saying it was, down deep. I know b/c *I* did it, too, for a lifetime.
 I am sorry she is such an A##hole!It was  NOT you. Anyone would be proud to have you for a child.  Love   Ami

(((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))

[gratitude28]

Thank you, Ami. I am actually mad at myself for contacting her. It's like I put myself in this situation from time to time. Maybe I need to prove that it is all real. I don't know. Why can't I just let it go???
Love, Beth

Darren, thenk you too. (((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))

[towrite]

Beth, I wish there were a scale to measure the intensity of feelings we both have for our NM's. Like there is a machine to measure ringing in the ears. An internal thing. My NM two Christmases ago gave my bro's wife a cashmere shawl and me a check for $100. I found out the shawl cost $100. Then when my NF died, she wanted me to march down the aisle at the funeral with this sis-in-law. So I was no more important to her than my bro's wife was. I cannot put into words how that made me feel, except a bone-deep pain and rage. Later the woman turned out to be a raving bi-polar, who kept the silver goblets my NM had given as a wedding present - they had been in our family for 2-3 generations.

Then when I went to visit her on M's day this year, and she smiled such an evil, malicious smile when I told her how much it hurt me that my bro had stopped speaking to me. Did he go to visit her on M's day??? Hell, no. That smile will haunt me for years - I felt like it was saying she was enjoying my suffering.

Hell hath no fire hot enough ....

[Ami]

Dear Kate,                                                                                                                                                                                        That smile is what I have been talking about when I say my M "leers". I HATE it. It feels so creepy and evil and is horribly mind blowing when it if from your own M.              Ami

PS It is Jack Nichlolson in the Shining(lol)

[Juno]

Yep, need to prove it's real.  You're getting validation when you call and she behaves in these 100% predictable ways.  I imagine eventually you will get over needing to do this.  But in your own time.  I very much identify with this need.  It's like you're teaching yourself something.  Or maybe it's related to grief.  I am continually amazed at the forms of grief and the various events we actually need to grieve.  And you mention disgust.  Maybe this is your own form of aversion therapy.

[gratitude28]

Ami and Kate - ugh - the leer. It is so nasty. Just like you said - Jack N. blech. It is accompanied by some sick statement that they are trying to shove down your throat.
Juno, Thanks for seconding what I thought. I am not sure why I am doing this now. I am feeling nervous and angry (the move???) and maybe wishing I had some support. I guess it all pisses me off at times. Really, when you said about sitting at school events feeling angry that you never had that courtesy... I think that is a bit where I am now. I would never take anything from my kids or change anything I do, but I sure wish someone had given any thought to me at all.
Kate, sorry you have so much crap... I know it has been hard for you lately.
Ami, you really hit that nail on the head.

[Ami]

Dear Beth,
 It is so funny that you said 'I hit the nail on the head". It IS a very distinct "leer". I thought I was alone in  this.
 She  squirms and then "changes" in to another person with a smrking,'devilish grin(God Help Me--lol).
 I never knew other people had this.        Love   Ami

[seasons]

Beth,

So sorry you had to have a reminder slammed at you. NMs hurt, over and over again. I wish it wasn't true ((dear friend)).


love seasons

[Hopalong]

I know that creepy, inappropriate smile.
It's even in the N literature (somewhere)...

Sort of like a primitive reflex when some sort of emotion is called for (often compassion) but the N has no idea how to produce it, and the confusion produces that reflexive empty grimace.

Yoigg.

Hops

[Ami]

Oh Hops,
 You described it. I hated that worse than anything and still do. I can "hear" it over the phone. She "morphs" and even her voice changes. Did your M do this, too, Hops?       Ami