Passwords, PMs, Presumption, Pathos, Pity, Motives & Mystery

[lighter]

I found her e mail in PM's from months before she dissapeared.

She sent me rare return e mails from the library, which I was very happy to receive.

It seems odd to me that people.... who claimed to know changing so well.... doubt her posts are her own.

Lighter

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Bean,

You have stated a few things that are really your opinion as fact.  I like your opinions and think you have something valuable to say.  It makes me sad to see that you've expressed them so poorly.  Could you please try again?

Thanks!

I value your opinions, too, and I'm sorry your you're sad at my expression of my own.

No, I don't know any better way to express what I've said, all of which I prefaced by the words, "I think"....   
in other words, yes, it is all nothing more than my opinion.

Love,
Carolyn

P.S. on edit -  Bean, I'm sure that you're a very good friend to those whom you choose to support.
Personally, I'm not trying to support any one individual here above another, but only to see all of the bigger picture without the emotional involvement and to offer my own thoughts, for what they're worth. No offense taken if someone decides they're not worth much! oxoox

[ann3]

Hi all,

Haven't posted in a while.  I hope Changing is safe and OK.

IMO, I think Lighter should focus on the topic of ::toilets and snakes:: because they suit you!! LOL!!      

Can't wait to hear you gush about next flush!! 

annie

[Certain Hope]

It seems odd to me that people.... who claimed to know changing so well.... doubt her posts are her own.

Lighter

This seems odd to me, as well.

When all of this hoopla first began, I read back through "Changes" posts and thought they sounded just like "Changing" (whoever she is).

Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

Ami,

I don't know. Anything I could say about Changing would only add more confusion to the mix... which is why I haven't said anything till now, and then only that her words as written in her public posts on the board sound like the same person to me. Same style and cadence.

For the sake of your peace of mind, I do hope that you get the answers you need, and soon.

Carolyn

[Ami]

Thank you, Carolyn. 
 I hope Changing is alive and well. She was very special and deserves the best.     Blessings to you,   Ami

[lighter]

Phfff--

That changing...

 didn't make her return....

 about ami?

That's what this is all about?

Why not pm her with an update....

she's been overwhelmed and sabotaged and.....

never mind.

Lighter

[Certain Hope]

Okay, Bean... I see, at least partially.

You're right, I should have re-phrased that sentence to say -   "(because, imo, that is really ALL it is)"

But my opinion stands, along with the other view which I expressed, in saying:

I think that both Lighter and Ami - each one - should sit back and work on figuring out why they're afraid of each other...

... and stop trying to convince the rest of us that we should be afraid of either one of them.

As far as standing on morally higher ground, I'll have to give that some continued thought. I don't think I'm neutral, more like equally disenchanted.
One thing I would not want to do is determine based on my own subjective opinion that one individual is more deeply wounded than another.
If nothing else, I think that we should each stand in equality on that here.

Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

People we support vs. a person who feels like a friend..

I have noticed that there are some who choose to not respond to me, and I think I have seen that they choose to not respond to others …all on an ongoing basis.
Two that come to mind are bean and Bones.. I think they are both female. but from day one, I was never drawn to their monikers. I have absolutely nothing against them, but we are not close friends.

Do all of you understand what I am saying?

I have always said I am an atheist. I do not respond to Bible Preaching and  being told to check verses . I don’t respond. I have an N sister who hides behind the teachings of the Lord. I wave them away as far as speaking is concerned. Yet I do tell myself that God knows everything I think and do.
I think that anyone who is filled with the Love of the Lord will show it in his/her way of expressing him/herself. 

Do you understand what I am saying?

A radio show recently had a preacher on as a guest and after being introduced and all his qualifications mentioned, the host and guest turned to the topic of Domestic Violence. It was so heavenly to hear the preacher come up with opinions and never mention the Lord and Christianity. He spoke as he lived! He never said, “Be saved and you will be healed”.  (I made up that last quote.)

It is my belief that people who are automatically living as God wishes, would never be cruel to another person, would never accuse another person, would never sabotage another person…………none of that crap. These people are always kind.

Do you know what I am getting at?

I did announce that I was going to become a lurker, then I received Ami’s PM. Why? It seems I have been drawn back in to try to support my friends and question the apparent sabotage of one of them.

(I've made my mistakes in the past. I know, so it doesn't need to be mentioned.)

This is about expressing on the Board what has happened to us outside the Board, and since we have all be abused, please let us try to not abuse one another.

IMHO
Izzy

[teartracks]

Hi Iz,

People we support vs. a person who feels like a friend..

I have noticed that there are some who choose to not respond to me, and I think I have seen that they choose to not respond to others …all on an ongoing basis.
Two that come to mind are bean and Bones.. I think they are both female. but from day one, I was never drawn to their monikers. I have absolutely nothing against them, but we are not close friends.

Do all of you understand what I am saying?

According to a study by JWT and as reported by The Economist, 80% of young Chinese people believe that digital technology is an essential part their life. Compared with 68% of Americans. Twice as many Chinese as Americans (25% to 12%) said they would not feel okay going without internet access for more than a day. 82% of young Chinese agreed that “interactivity helps create intimacy, even at a distance,” compared with 36% of Americans.
Just 30% of Americans said that the internet helps their social life; 77% of the Chinese respondents agreed that “the internet helps me make friends.” And not just friends: 32% of the Chinese said that the internet broadens their sex life, compared with 11% of Americans. According to JWT’s chief trendspotter, Marian Salzman, “our study confirms that the Chinese internet is buzzing with virtual pheromones—‘cybermones,’ if you will.”Mr Diller has another term for a unit of emotion flying about in cyberspace: the emobyte. In general, he regards America’s emobyte deficit as a problem: yet another sign that the balance of power is shifting to China. “More activity online means a more connected and a more evolved workforce—just what China needs as it makes its move from being the workshop of the world to a developed economy in its own right,” he says.

Iz, maybe with your advanced computer skills, you just got the jump on the rest of us with those  'cybermones'!   

tt

[teartracks]

Hi Iz,

It is my belief that people who are automatically living as God wishes, would never be cruel to another person, would never accuse another person, would never sabotage another person…………none of that crap. These people are always kind.

Do you know what I am getting at?

No.  I can only guess at what you're getting at.

Automatic

a. Acting or operating in a manner essentially independent of external influence or control: an automatic light switch; a budget deficit that triggered automatic spending cuts.
b. Self-regulating: an automatic washing machine.

Kind of leaves God out, don't you think?

tt

[Izzy_*now*]

Aha I used automatic, as a try. I don't know the word for someone who has G_d within himself, and his speech and actions show this, but yet he does not Preach!

His abilty to show his spirituality shows in his behaviour and speech!

{Christ ! I know nothing about being religious. Gimme a break on my choice of words!}

[Izzy_*now*]

For one thing, I am not interested in studies. They are of no help whatsoever to the people on this board!

It is my belief that people who are automatically living as God wishes, would never be cruel to another person, would never accuse another person, would never sabotage another person…………none of that crap. These people are always kind

automatically--well people who have accepted whatever they are to accept to be baptized in a river and be guaranteed a place in Heaven. Those people.

That being the case, they don't have to preach to others about G_d, they just have to live a life of which G_d would approve and then there would be no fights on board!

Ain't that the way it works?

Eh? ' Ain't it?

[Certain Hope]

Why would I try to extend a helping hand to someone who appeared so self-sure, so not needy?

bean

Now there's a haunting question.

I hear you, Bean...  but I see the acting-out all over the place.
Maybe it's something from my own past which does not allow me to see the one variety of acting-out as any more acceptable - or less damaging - than the other.

Nonetheless, I will try to help... whether I consider someone a friend - or not.

Love,
Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

Bean,

I like the idea that talking this through is helping one another Feels like it to me, too.
Back in the day, I felt that I saw alot of myself in you, too. Of course, that was ages - and many changes - ago.

Oh, I remember (here on the board) you trying to remain neutral and asking people to behave appropriately! You did alot of work on communication techniques, I think, and I benefited alot from the examples you set.

Sometimes it is a matter of timing, I guess.  If a person is ready to let go, and ignore then they're ready.  Often they're just trying to sort things out for themselves and are not seeing the big picture, yet.

Yes, I absolutely agree.
I know exactly what it's like to not be ready to let something go and ignore it!
It's in the saying and sorting that I've uncovered the real issues, within myself, that were stirring up such angst related to someone else's behavior.

Are you suggesting that I'm contributing to bad behavior if I post to a silly thread?
It's okay if you are!
But I don't think that folks posting to silly threads are doing anything but being themselves ...and so I disagree.
It's not for me to tell others that they should view a silly thread (or threads  by one particular poster) as poor behavior and abstain from replying there.
If others are able to simply be silly for the sake of silliness, then more power to them!
People have various, individual ways and voices they use to cry out for help, Bean... along with individual ways and means of letting off steam.

I like straightforward. It works for me.
I also appreciate the styles and approaches of others, who've not had my life experience or traveled my road.
It's been a struggle for me to shake loose from my own judgmental tendancies re: how something should be handled...
so I don't want to approach that precipice again in any way, shape, or form. Different strokes for different folks, and all.

In my own life, people who have helped me the most are the ones willing to step up to the plate and say "you're really angry, aren't you?  Why?"  Not the ones who go along with my often silly or exaggerated attempts to label the one I'm having difficulty with as the "bad guy."  Also, equally unhelpful is when seeing me angry/hurt/confused, those people tried to help me by shouting "wake up!  It's not so bad!"  (not that you're shouting - I'm thinking of others who've tried to help me, in particular now).  I'm trying to be more compassionate to those hurting, without enabling more bad behavior.  Sometimes the delivery of the message is crucial when trying to help.  Sometimes you gotta ignore some bad behavior and let people see things for themselves.  Else, I've found I can easily be drawn into the problem rather than the solution.  tricky stuff

Yes, I'd rather hear it like it is, and not have somebody agree with me that so-and-so really is a louse - poor me, etc, etc.
And I'm all for ignoring bad behavior... to a point. It's when there's a consistent pattern of it that I'll speak up at last.
Definitely tricky stuff.

My blood pressure is stabilized... thanks for asking   Been able to regulate it - so far - by taking a very low dose of med just every other day.
Still hopeful about being able to wean myself off it entirely, but that hasn't happened yet. If I go three days, it spikes.
Feeling great, though! I have a second grandbaby now... another little girl, born March 29. Wish she wasn't so far away, but I'm loving all the photos and putting together little care packages to send. Communicating regularly with my oldest daughter now, as well.... which is a huge sign of healing.

I'm sorry to know of the ongoing hassle at work, Bean... but very glad you're taking a break!
 Maybe you really should monitor your bp...   the guages are inexpensive and can give you some assurance in that regard.
They always say that high bp has no symptoms until it's too late, but I can definitely feel when it's out of whack.
Please don't mess around with it and wonder... not worth it!

Thanks for writing... it's good to visit with you and to compare views. I don't want to be narrow minded, so even if a few hackles get raised, I'll try to smooth them down and listen quietly.

Love,
Carolyn