I think that Ami's fear of Lighter, and the hatred attached to that fear, is so strong that she lost all perspective on this.
It's had lots of time to build, too, as - during Changing's months-long absence - Lighter would occasionally post updates on the board re: Changing's circumstances.
Each one of those little updates likely reinforced Ami's conviction that there was a deception in process.
I've had some similar convictions/suspicions in the past - and I have shared those, on occasion, with a couple trusted friends.
Fear and hatred can inspire some pretty bizarre behavior.
Anyhow, I feel that Ami shared this info with Izzy because of Izzy's past, close relationship with Changing.
Optimal behavior? No. But I think she was genuinely doing what she thought was best.
What I think would be far less than optimal is if Ami and Lighter continue this personality clash ad nauseum (because that is really ALL it is) instead of getting it out into the open and each determining what it is about herself that creates such a stew in her about the other.
Carolyn
I really agree with everything you say here Carolyn.
On the flip side, a person can be downright wrong, fallible, and way-off, blundering, loopy, but it does not follow that they are a wolf in sheep's clothing, evil, deserving of obliteration, tarring and feathering or being run out of town on a rail. There's plenty of fear and hatred going in both directions and it would be really great to see the parties concerned make mature efforts to own their own responsibilities instead of harping on the evil of 'the other guy.'
Izzy and Ami and many others were terribly worried about changing earlier this year. I was one of those people. Her ex had done many frightening and threatening things. He had menaced her and actually described to her ways he had thought of doing away with her. Then changing abruptly stopped posting. As I am sure others did, I PM'ed her account to ask her to at least send a note if she intended to leave the board or take time away, to indicate she was alive, healthy, well and safe. After a couple of months, Lighter posted that changing was doing fine and had been in contact with her.
I had to think about it first, but ultimately I accepted that it was most likely true.
I would have much preferred if changing had posted that she was taking time away for no reason or any reason. However, my feeling is that changing in general believes she is worthless and nobody cares what happens to her, that she was upset by board conflict over the month of December, that perhaps her 1st semester grades were not what she demanded of herself - and I could easily see changing in such a situation cutting off all extraneous activities and only focusing on the necessary.
Dear Changing:
And you know what changing, that is okay with me, whether I am off or on in my estimation of what happened with you in your abrupt ending of board participation. I am glad you are alive and well.
I feel that it is hard for you to accept that board members would be concerned or worried, or even spare thought, about your fate. I also feel that reading that sentence would provoke a lot of guilt in you, and I am sorry because I don't mean to do that. I mean rather to say, I hope you will sit for a while with the reality that people, however tenuous and internet-y, do care for your well-being and continued existence. I don't believe you would ever, ever, ever knowingly treat people poorly or cause them anxiety, but I do believe that you would disbelieve that anyone would ever feel anxiety on your behalf.
Also, in general, because of the how much I have been hurt this way by my family, I will not have a third party intermediary relationship dynamic in any situation, on or off the board.
I think that the lessons I have painfully learned about intermediaries has general application and would be useful for everybody here to consider, going forward.
Despite the chaos in a teapot engendered by changing's sudden disappearance and sudden return, I don't think she should be obliterated, demonized and sent off from the board. I think it is okay for anyone to make a less than optimum choice and just because they do make a less than perfect choice, something you may not like at all, that is no reason at all to take an opportunity to attack that fallible individual.
Oh wait, nobody mentioned or would even consider demonizing changing or sending her off from the board? Of course not. Please extend the same to everyone. Thx. Best regards.
