How to hande this.

[Lupita]

A friend of mine  reads this board, she does not post, just reads, then tells me why I do not tell her what I say here. And why I thank some people here and I do not thank her because she writes me e mails. I wish I can educate her about not asking me these questions but I get irritated. I do not know how to handle her. I wish I can keep talking to her but I get so irritated with her that sometimes I want to tell her to go to ......&*%$#@

But if I do that I go back to leaving everybody and leaving everywhere because I cannot cope with annoying people.

What can I do.

Oh, I have another friend who reads here too, and she does not post, but she always thinks that what I write here is about here. So, I was thinking, that when she reads this she is going to tell me something stupid.

Am I being judgemental? Am I being unfair to my friends?

[Gaining Strength]

Well, I don't think you are going to have to worry about it any more Lupita.  I suspect your message will get through loud and clear this time.

One thing that I have found is that when I ask myself about why someone bothers me I learn so much about myself and it always points to some original wounding that i am working on and struggling with.  I wonder why her questions are so irritating to you.  Maybe if you can figure it out you will actually find some freedom from that irritation. 

Best to you in this problem - yours - Shame Slayer

[Izzy_*now*]

hi Lupita

You are not being unfair to your friends. You have been sharing all your problems here for them to read.

Now they have your message above and I hope they understand. If they become angry about the post then they have something within themselves to search and try to understand, just as you have been doing.

Good for you!

love
Izzy

[Lupita]

SS and Iz, thanks for your answer.

It is hard when they know who I am and they come here and read when I am pouring my heart here, and they get mad. I have pormised my self that it will not happen again. I will never let anybody know about lupita here. When they talk about me, they do not disociate about lupita in the board and the perosn that is talking to them.

For the first time I stopped first. I stopped it.

I dont want anybody to tell me about what I posted here later in my life. This is here nad they do not have the right to tell accuse me why I feel the way I feel. I do not even know.

[Lupita]

It is not fair that they know who I am and they come here and read aout my heart and they resent me the way I feel. I cant even control what I feel, much less they cant control it.

But if we control what we feel, then we are free, forever free.

It is so simple and so difficult.

For me, almost impossible, but I know it is possible. just I cant doit, not now, but m goal is to do it, my goal is to be able to feel good no matter what.

Inner peace is the secret for everything, and what is the secret of inner peace? Love your slef.

So, loving onw slef is the secret to inner peace.

[Izzy_*now*]

On that topic, for me, I haven't told anyone about this Board.

What I say, because some things 'pop out', is that I found a forum where women my age share recipes, life, children, grandcihldren computer problems and it sounds so friendly, as opposed to what this board Can Be.

[Gaining Strength]

Lupita - how did your friends find this forum and how did they know which one is you?

[Ami]

Dear Lupita
 I think it would be so stressful for people to be able to see my deepest thoughts , on here. I shudder to think of it.I can see why you are  distraught.
 I wish I could offer a solution,but don't have an idea about how to handle it, in a practical way, other than to change your name and then just post in a way that people could not identify you. Then, maybe,in time, they will give up coming here.
 My heart goes out to you was what I wanted to say.       Ami

[Juno]

I will not tell anyone in my life how to find this place or who I am here.  I have suspected that someone in my life reads here because we seem to have some of the same knowlege about this stuff and also sometimes I just sense she wonders more about me than she should if she doesn't know I write here.  But she has never brought it up so I leave it be.  She is not someone who would give me a hard time about it.  She understands boundaries far better than I do.  And it could be she is just getting her information from other sources.  Could just be all coincidental.

I guess honesty is best in this situation.  This thread lays it all out there.  So, these readers who know you are probably now the ones who have to decide how to act from now on.  It sounds to me like a boundary issue on all sides.  At any rate, the cat is out of the bag now.  I guess just ride it out and don't do anything much about it at this point.

I know I can't reveal as much truth about myself if I think people in my real life are reading it.  They won't be able to help themselves from wondering and possibly judging.

[Lupita]

I met her here. Started PM and then e-mail. I totally regret. I dont want to change my Lupita. I like Lupita. I like Lupita more than I like real me.

She took me out of my private zone, comfort zone, just to humilliate me in front of her friends.

I already broke up with that group. I do not dislike the group but dislike her so much. I regret. Wont do it again. No!!!!

Second friend I told her about this place because I thought she would benefit from it.

I screwed up.   

My son knows about this place, and he comes sometimes, he knows who I am, but I totally trust him. He never posts, he only reads.

My one day T said that this is a good plce to start but you have to leave and only come back ater you finished healing because if you stay, people perpetuate the victimhood state.

I like it here very much. And as long as I am welcome I will stay. The h++l with my ex-friend. I dont like her anymore.

[Lupita]

I was used. I was her N-supply. I fed her without knowing it.

I know very few people who has not abused me.

Wain Dyer sayd that we elicit a response. We teach others how to treat us in the way we put up with the way they treat us.

I have to perform better judgement.

[lighter]

Wain Dyer sayd that we elicit a response. We teach others how to treat us in the way we put up with the way they treat us.

I have to perform better judgement.

I've been pondering this lately too, Lupita. 

We can educate ourselves and learn to do better.

Lighter

[Lupita]

I am going to end this chapter by owning my responsibility. I was needy and allowed this woman to abuse me. I have to stop looking for protection. I can protect my self.

I have to stop looking for love. I can love my self.

This woman cmae to invite me to participate in her group and I was looking so much for aproval that I did with out taking into consideration all the red flags I saw. She also wanted me to invite other people which I never did.

It was my fault. I will never let that happen again.

Case closed.

[Iphi]

Dear lupita - It seems to me that your conclusion is so fundamentally healthy.  I struggle to implement the same ideas - that I must give myself approval and not hang upon the approval of others or allow others to dictate what I ought to do or how to live, must find my responsibility and learn from experience so I do not repeat the same mistakes.  And I have definitely made the same mistakes with friends.  But if we learn from the experience, then we will make new, better mistakes.  Love to you and I hope your job search is going well. 

[Lupita]

Iphi Thank you so much for your kind words and your encouragement.

God bless!