I have started on a new road, where I am letting down some of my defenses, at least being willing to look at them. I try to face my reactions and feelings ,rather than just dismiss myself as "neurotic" as my M did.
It is scary to see myself,but scarier ,still, to live in numb and gray.
I guess "numb and gray" is when my feelings are shut down.
It is really scary to go more in to 3D, for me. I realize that I know who I am ,on the board.I have certain traits, good and bad, and feel that I am "defined".
In 3D relationships, I feel paralyzed. I feel like it is hard to walk or even "move" at times. I feel a sadness, deep painful sadness, come over me. I feel like I am under glass.
There must be so many emotions there that are trying to surface ,so I can face them and heal. I must do this, even though it is painful.
You shall know the truth and the truth will MAKE you free. The truth is the healer. I suspect I know the "answer" at the end of the road.
I was not inordinately good OR bad, just 'human". I need to know this in my heart, not just my head.
I will write about my progress in 3D as I go forward. Ami
