Dealing with Sociopaths

[Certain Hope]

Primary Rules for
        Dealing with a Sociopath

by Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door

1-The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience,
and that these people do not often look like Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender.
They look like us.

2-In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on
-- educator, doctor, leader, animal-lover, humanist, parent--
         go with your instincts.

Whether you want to be or not, you are a constant observer of human behavior,
and your unfiltered impressions, though alarming and seemingly outlandish, may well help you out if you will let them.
Your best self understands, without being told,
that impressive and moral-sounding labels do not bestow conscience on anyone
who did not have it to begin with.

3-When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes,
and the responsibilities he or she has.

Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy.
One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead.
Two may involve a serious mistake.
But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.
Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly.

Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.

[lighter]

Hear hear.... Carolyn.

Lighter

[changing]

Hello Hope-

This knowledge should be more widely disseminated- at least one required course for school children (middle school?) about victinmization, grooming of victims, sociopaths, etc., how and where to get help.

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

Changing.... I've been writing about the programs I'd like to see added to primary school education since I was in m early twenties.

Teaching them to identify dysfunction and predatory behavior.... so they recognize it when it's happening to them.

Yes.

Teaching them to identify the offender....

so they don't believe it's their fault.

Yes.

Now.... how to G rate it so the children from functional homes aren't traumatized by what's actually happening to thier less fortunate school chums?

Lighter

[Leah]

Hello Hope-

This knowledge should be more widely disseminated- at least one required course for school children (middle school?) about victinmization, grooming of victims, sociopaths, etc., how and where to get help.

Love,

Changing

Hi Changing,

Over here, over the pond!  They have been rolling out a program to schools here in the UK for sometime now.   With protected and strictly moderated websites solely for children.

Precautionary care needs to be taken -- so that children don't go home and try to impart their new knowledge to abusive parent(s) -- else they get a beating etc., from their disordered parent(s).

I can well imagine what would have happened in my household for all of us children, had we had any knowledge as such, and had dared to impart to our parent(s).


Also, we have (as you do too - having read the websites) websites for children to turn to with regard to being:  Targeted / Victimized  and being:   Bullied  -    Cyberbullied  -   Mobile Phone Bullied.

And how to keep safe on the Internet.


My heart is for innocent children with no voice and no choice, globally, worldwide.

Love, Leah

[lighter]

If we don't teach the little victims to do better....

how can they do better?

Lighter

Breaks my heart to think about (anyone) dealing with the abusive parents, who rally against such programs.

But.... where does the cycle end?

If anywhere?

[Leah]

Lighter,

But, that's just it ......... the children are being shown a light..... via school outreach programs........ signposting to the websites.


Why not research was is happening near to where you live etc., 

Maybe, get in touch with the nearest women's dv support group and help volunteer .......... who most likely do outreach.

Websites to campaign - link to women's dv support organizations.


Practical stuff that we really all can do, globally.    Talking about it alone, achieves nothing.     "Out of Action - Into Traction"

Love, Leah

[changing]

Hi Leah and Lighter-

I love the idea of educational websites dealing with the enlightenment and safety of children. I know that there are 3-D programs here taught by where children learn to be proactive in protecting themselves from physical  harm- I think that a 3-D school-based program raising awareness and providing resources, would prevent so much abuse, especially for feral children ( I was one)

Love,

Changing

[Certain Hope]

Hello Hope-

This knowledge should be more widely disseminated- at least one required course for school children (middle school?) about victinmization, grooming of victims, sociopaths, etc., how and where to get help.

Love,

Changing

Oh, I agree, Changing.
In many ways, I do think they're trying... but how to place a finger on the sort of culprit who often has everyone fooled?

For the past five years or so, our local schools have made quite a shift toward emphasizing sound character  (through the "Character Counts" program, for one) and implemented a zero-tolerance policy toward cheating, lying, aggression, and other such anti-social behavior. Through this program and also personal experience with my ex-husband, they've definitely learned to see through the smokescreen and recognize the absence of character.

Around this same time, it became mandatory for all students involved in extra-curricular activities to submit to random drug testing... as it can be nearly impossible, it seems, to distinguish between someone using drugs or having a psychotic episode (especially where meth is concerned).
According to the signs posted all around the school buildings, there is a hotline number to be called - 24/7 - in order to make any sort of report, anonymously- if desired, re: potential threats and hazards within the student's school or family associations.

And just a couple weeks ago, on the table outside the Mid School office, were placed some leaflets on various mental health topics, including depression and obsessive compulsive disorder.
Can't say I saw anything directly about sociopathy, but many of the same principles are there within the stuff which deals with handling peer pressure, control freaks, the drug culture, etc.

All of this to say that I'd commend our local schools, anyway, for all of their efforts to prevent the victimization of our children by those who have seemingly made it their mission in life to destroy others. Trouble is, the place for this to be taught is in the home and, sadly, this is often where most of the damage is being done.

Carolyn

[changing]

Hi Hope-

That is really encouraging!!!

Love,

Changing

[Leah]

Home is Where the Heart is ...................... OR ....................... Home is Where the HURT is ?




Love, Leah

[Certain Hope]

Hi Hope-

That is really encouraging!!!

Love,

Changing

It is, Changing!

I only hope that when my oldest granddaughter begins school in the fall, she'll be someplace that shows at least as much awareness.

Thanks for making me think about it in these terms.

Love,
Carolyn

[teartracks]

Hi,

I think public programs along the lines y'all speak are good backup for what should  already be in motion in the home.  I've been pushing the book Safe People for years here on the board.  It teaches adults a lot of how to's when it comes to developing relationships.  Any adult reader can then teach it to their children.  It's a tool to start the process in the home. 

Last night at church we broke up into twos to pray.  The current leader's theme for the year is prayer.  The group was made up of adults except for two girls about ten years old.  For some reason, the leader paired me with one of the girls.  I suggested that we take a walk in the church yard and pray and talk as we walked.  The child was bursting with the need to tell me her prayer needs.  Both parents are in prison.  She misses her daddy the most because the mom was in from the time she was three.  Daddy was just put away.  My heart broke.  She lives with her grandmother.  I don't know the grandmother or if she is good roll model.  The thing my heart mulls over and over is how by the acts of her parents, she is starting out  life with a terrible handicap. Without a set of compassionate, caring, dedicated  witnesses/mentors intervening  in her life,  the generational effect will take its toll. 

tt

 

[Gabben]

 Both parents are in prison.  She misses her daddy the most because the mom was in from the time she was three.  Daddy was just put away.  My heart broke.  She lives with her grandmother.  I don't know the grandmother or if she is good roll model.  The thing my heart mulls over and over is how by the acts of her parents, she is starting out  life with a terrible handicap. Without a set of compassionate, caring, dedicated  witnesses/mentors intervening  in her life,  the generational effect will take its toll. 

Ohhhh....tt...how saddened I was to read this, thank you for sharing this story, I'll keep the girl in my prayers. I have a sympathetic heart for those that have been abandoned by parents in any way, I know the suffering.

Lise

[lighter]

Hi,

  Any adult reader can then teach it to their children.  It's a tool to start the process in the home. 

tt

The abusers aren't going to read those books or share those lessons with their vulnerable little victims.

Where do they find information, if not at school?

The Govermnent uses the Public School system to recruit for the Armed forces, bc it's a wonderful opportunity.

Why can't it be used to teach/help/educate our children about dysfunction and domestic abuse, with the same attention?

Lighter