how to elicit a positive response?

[Lupita]

Can we work together in how to teach others to treat us with repect?

Can anybody give me examples?

Can anybody help me how can I teach my students to be respectful without being authoritarian?

Can anybody help me to elicit more respect from otehrs?

Cab we model some behavior that I can copy?

Thank sfor your help.

[Lupita]

I guess I have to learn how to play in the paypenn, something I did not learn not only because I did not go to kindergarten but because I come from a very disfunctional family.

Share toys, be a nice person, etc.

[Leah]

Hi Lupita,

How are you today?

Any news on the "new" teaching position hunt?

I am still praying for you.

I don't think it matters as to whether or not you attended a kindergarten.   How did you engage / play along with your friends at school ?

Love, Leah

[lighter]

For me, learning to gaurd my heart, instead of extend it to everyone who appeared... esp the those needy, was the difficult part for me.

I can't tell you how many times I've been slapped verbally by someone who took an open kindness from me and turned it on it's head in a sly backbiting way.... or the traps I've fallen into and still struggle with.

That said.....

1) extending respect to everyone you meet.

2) Giving your students choices and consequences. (you always enforce, of course)

3) Believing people when they tell/show you who they are. (refiling them accordingly in your heart)

4) Living behind healthy functional boundaries you've taken pains to internalize.

It might just be that simple.... at least from where I'm sitting now.

(((Lupita))  How is your son?  How are you?

Lighter

[Lupita]

Hi, Thank you so much for your responses Lea and Light.

We can do another thread for my career problem and my son. I need to keep this thread on track, how to elicit e good response, how to teach others to teart us with respect.

Wayn Dyer says that we teach others how to treat us  by putting up with the way they do.

If somebody treats us ina discomfortable way we need to enforce boundaries.

But how, I need models, pattenrs to foolow, I have no idea what to do. I nweed examples.

Your ideas are nice Light. Thank you.

Still I need something more. Coaching in how to behave to inspire respect.

[Lupita]

One of the most important questions to answer in a teacher interview is:

What do you do if a student throws a paper ball at you while you turn your back to write on the board.

Are you going to ask who did it? Nobody is going to tell you.

OK, somebody give me ideas here.

Somebody told me, they would not do it to me, they know they are dead meat if they do.

How can you do that?
Nobody wanted to give me an asnwer.

Hmmmmm!

Any ideas?

[lighter]

I suppose the entire class suffers?

Like in the army?

That way the class begins to enforce the rules, for the sake of their own priviledges and comfort?

Maybe they lose some special something, unless you receive a letter of apology and the promise to do better, etc?

If someone apologizes and makes restitution, that's a wonderful lesson to teach/enforce.

Gutting out the discomfort of enforcing a boundary is awful but.... they won't ever stop testing you until you provide consequences and follow through.

Of course, you have to tell them what the rules are, up front, so you aren't arbitrarily TAKING unrelated priviledges from them.

The consequences should relate, logically, to the ball of paper incident, which is respect and a personal boundary.




I can picture your first day's converstion and introduction going somehting like this:

Teacher:  Class... there are rules in here. 'I've provided a list of priviledges we may enjoy if we A) B) C) D) by the end of the day."


That is a very clear expectation with a clear choice and consequence.

They may enjoy the priviledge if they comply, or lose it if they do not, as a group.

If the Class allows one individual to disrupt their ability to enjoy their priviledge, then that's their choice.

What else could you do?  Let them all enjoy the priviledge and no one recieves consequences? No.

I can imagine your setting a boundary regarding discipline and respectful behavior on the first day of class,

sounding like this.

Teacher:  "With respect to disruptions in class, those who cause disruptions will be A) B) C)"

depending on the level of disruption, you choose one of the consequences you provide, without exception.

 I'd post the consequences and give verbal reminders to engener the spirit of cooperation.

"I really want you guys to enjoy priviledge A) this afternoon so.... let's make happy choices and make sure you get to enjoy that."

Creating an advesarily spirit wouldn't be my goal..... and the children need to understand it's THEY who are responsible for their choices... not you.

You're happy when they earn their priviledges, and sad for them, when they don't.

Does that make sense?

Lighter

Lupita, I really want to know what your Personality test comes out as.

[changing]

Hi Lupita-

You are a wonderful teacher , and take your students to heart- it is not simply a job to you. I think that your classes are blesed to have you there giving them your knowledge and spirit. I know that you want all children to have what they need and strive to do your best. But we all have free will, even children- according to our circumstances , we can exercise our free will more or less.

You are a good lady and your work will help so many children.  Many children will be forever transformed by their time with yoiu, some children will remember you and wish that they had appreciated you, and others may continue in folly.

Lupita, I think that your intelligence,dedication and dignity teach others respect, in the most meaningful way. I hope that you have a wonderful day, and are proud of yourself and the great work that you do.

Love,

Changing

[Lupita]

Changing thank you for your kind words. You bring tear to my eyes. Thank you so much.


I still need some more ideas. Lighter thank you, your ideas are good, but it is only one aspect.

When I answer to that question in an interview they will want me to address it in different aspects.

From the progressive aspect from the classical aspect and from the discipline aspect.

You are adreesing it from a moral aspect.

The question again is

What will you do when you are writing on the board and students stop working and one throws a paper ball at you.

In the first place you have to say that you never give your back to the students. Never.

But in the case that happens you have to have plan B. I do not have any ideas.

[Lupita]

Now, I have proven that positive stimulus cause positive responses. I have it here, when I say something positive to people, people respond in a positive way. I have ben negative all my life and start to change now, I will see results in a short time.

Also I belong to a fitness website where I got o check for events and I alays post positive things about the groups and the poeple and always get positive responses from them.

How to applay that yo the classroom?

Many students come with a negative attitud already. No posityive is going to help them, they need structure. What to tell, what to do.

My first question stil is unanswered.

I need to have an answer for that question for my next interview.

[Ami]

Dear Lupita
 *I* have noticed the change in you, more inner strength.
  I don't know the answer for the kids. My sons had a teacher who was a young, petite woman and she could control a class of teenage kids, with love.
 I  am not sure how she did it.She had a glow,  an aura. You could feel both her strength and her love. It was poweful.
 The kids listened and behaved. I wish I could give more specifics, but I don't have any.
  You are dong so well, Lupita.               Blessings,   Ami

[Lupita]

Ami, what is the name of that teacher, what school, I miht be able to contact her and ask her for help. Jost give me her name  and school. I willf ind her e mail and ask her.

CB - That is a wonderful answer that in fact I can use in an interview. I will copy and paste and adjust to the education interview. Percect possibility that might touch the soul of one interviewer. When you are in an interview, you have five to six persons, in a commitee to ask you questions.

CB you are a very wise woman. Your answer is a progressive answer. Great!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lupita]

So, after the interviewer ask the question i say:

You are not supposed to turn your back to the students, never, ever, but if you commited the mistake anyway, then you have several possibilities. That is why you prepare your class before thes tudents enter the classroom, and that is why you use the overhead projector, so you are facing the students while you are wwriting.


Now, if you still did it anyway for X or W:      (then I proceed to say the following)


I don't think that a kid who throws a paper wad at you with your back turned is necessarily disrespecting you, even though he might appear to.  Maybe he is acting on a dare, maybe he is trying to see what your response will be, maybe he is doing one of those brainless things that kids do without thinking.  If I assume that he is doing it because he disrespects me, and I reprimand with that in mind, I might reinforce an attitude that might not actually be there.  If I assume that he is doing something brainless, and address it from there, then I help in the process of defining our relationship.

Does that make sense?  Turning and saying something like:  You are too old to be doing stuff like throwing paper wads.  That's what little kids do.  You are on your way to being adults, on your way to university, to responsible jobs.  Grownups dont do stupid stuff like that.  Think of who you are about to become and start practicing that. 

That sounds stilted and awkward the way I write it, but put it in your own words.  Don't put the idea in their heads that you feel disrespected.  Don't put yourself in any way in the victim role.  Stay the grown up--draw them into your world instead of letting them pull you into theirs. 

You can also stop the lecture immediately and give everyone extra busy work to do that makes everyone feel the consequences.  Don't send them home with more busy work--make the work start right then.  That might be better saved, though, for a continued problem. 


This addresses one aspect. I need two more ideas. That was brilliant CB.

[lighter]

Yes.... assuming better intentions.

Very good, CB.

Giving them the chance to be understood, instead of assuming somehting negative.

It's always a good idea to treat people the way we want to be treated and nurture our relationships into what we want for them.

We detach and teach by example, if nothing else.

Lighter

[debkor]

Lup,

This always worked like a charm.  Think of the football team. How they are a family (a team)

No different then the classroom:

22 students in a class.  Yes they are individuals in a team setting.   

One gets out of hand, throws something, does not step up to the plate when asked to come forward.. others just look, say nothing. not going to rat.. that is teaming up... They are a team.. they are acting as a team... and your the coach...but one big team..  So you are supposed to respect your team your team mates whatever you do as an individuall effects your team mates, respect yourself, respect your team...and the whole team will suffer the consequences of the one that did not take responsibility.. Hey they teamed...afterall... United as a team...United we Stand, Together we fall..  Thier choice...

Love
Deb