Blame

[Certain Hope]

On Dangerous Ground     http://www.obgyn.net/young-woman/young-woman.asp?page=/yw/articles/Romeopart6

Blame is a dangerous thing. And it is a necessity when trying to recognize any source of harm, because harm cannot be prevented until its origin can be identified. Blame’s necessity lies in the fact that it seeks to discover who is responsible when something goes wrong in the world and then put a name to the accused. Naming the accused is the first step toward righting a wrong by defining its source. But blaming alone can become a disastrously false step.

The danger in blame is that it can also be a way of avoiding a solution to harm, because it is easy to accuse. When we are frightened or angry in the face of a great wrong, it is that good thing in each of us—justice—which cries out for satisfaction. It is right to want to stop a wrong. It is one of the best instinctual qualities in sane human beings, but it is a quality that can quickly turn upon itself and become the very evil it seeks to defeat.

Nobel Peace Prize recipient Elie Wiesel tells a wonderfully haunting story of how he almost became what he hated. He spent part of his adolescence growing up in the Nazi concentration camp at Auschwitz. One night, he was telling an old rabbi about his greatest desire.

He was relating a series of extremely violent fantasies to the rabbi, which were elaborately detailed images of exactly what tortures he would inflict upon their Gestapo guards---if he "ever had the chance." The tortures were all those that he had seen inflicted upon his fellow inmates.

He went on talking to the rabbi for quite a long time and, the longer he talked, the more his voice filled with cold-blooded rage and hate toward the Gestapo. Finally, he was so emotionally choked with hatred that he simply could not speak.

There was a long silence.

Then the rabbi steadily looked the young boy in the eye and simply said, "Oh. I see. You’ve become them."

Wiesel describes this as a major turning point in his life regarding his understanding of hate. Hatred, itself, can transform one into that which is hated. It is a realization vital to remember whenever someone who has been under a Controller’s "spell" decides to break that spell. Once counter-control springs into action, it must be tempered with restraint, because a desire for revenge can turn you into the very thing you most scorn.

[Gabben]

He went on talking to the rabbi for quite a long time and, the longer he talked, the more his voice filled with cold-blooded rage and hate toward the Gestapo. Finally, he was so emotionally choked with hatred that he simply could not speak.


Then the rabbi steadily looked the young boy in the eye and simply said, "Oh. I see. You’ve become them."

Wiesel describes this as a major turning point in his life regarding his understanding of hate. Hatred, itself, can transform one into that which is hated. It is a realization vital to remember whenever someone who has been under a Controller’s "spell" decides to break that spell. Once counter-control springs into action, it must be tempered with restraint, because a desire for revenge can turn you into the very thing you most scorn.

Another wow moment for me Carolyn as I read this.

About a month ago I was fuming with hatred for N-saint. I was reading Kathy K.'s work too much. I was studying up on P's and N's too much...it was if the only satisfaction that I could gain to buffer the pain was hatred through the knowledge of how wrong Nsaint was.

At one point I even added a post to my story thread that was seething with hatred. That weekend I met with my spiritual director who pointed out to me, almost like the rabbi to Eli, that I was feeding off hatred for Nsaint and I needed to work to overcome my hatred. It was a huge turning point for me. The next week I took down my post to my story, I felt embarrassed at my hatred.

Then I put up the thread titled "Letting go of hatred and anger..." From that point on I have worked hard to not allow myself to chew on hatred for Nsaint. As a matter of fact when the thought of her comes into my mind I bless her and practice releasing her with love. I wish I could have an opportunity to send her flowers, or a card in apology, for my anger which was not abusive in anyway, but rather a direct form of standing up for myself. Nevertheless, I was not gentle...that was my only fault.

Anyways...YES, it is easy to become the hate filled people we hate in the face of their aggression.  ( I still have growth here )

Last week I found peace in my heart towards N-Saint as well as the beginnings of love. I read the Gospel about when someone slaps you on the cheek to turn and give them your other one as well as if someone wants something from you to just give it to them.

I am glad that despite my angry email to Nsaint, I never asked for all that she took back nor did I rebel or retaliate, I just went away giving her everything. In that I realized that I had so much...I had more than her in my love for God as well as how God loves me. I knew that God too loves her and that He wanted me to give her all that I had that meant something to me. He, God, was saying "Lise, you have my love, she does not, perhaps if you give her all she wants then she may turn to me in thanksgiving and seek my Mercy." I dunno...Or perhaps God was saying "I will love her and try to save her up until the moment of her death." All I knew is that I had to cultivate love for her, deep love.

This has not been easy, but I can tell you is that the more I have prayed for her in love the more I have found peace.

Lise