feeling well one moment feeling bad the next

[Lupita]

I am watching TV and saw a movie of a retarded girl, everybody laught at her. I really felt I was that. I never felt so much shame. My friend N, his name start with an N but he is a little N. He makes me feel bad. I need to cut off that friendship. Always attract this kind of people.
I dont know if I should stop watching that movie or just face the pain. My heart is pounding at its maximum. Just not to think about shame is put a peace of chew gum in a roof licking.
I am going to move to a nice place, but will move with all my problems. I am starting to have problems at my dancing school and at my walking group, but if I move I will not be able to face those problems. I want to face them and fix those relationships, but I have to move. That movie makes me feel like a victim.

But now I know what is happening. The leader of the group feels intimidated with my personality. I always attratc attention unintentionally and people starts loving my talents. Then the leader feels bad with me and kicks me out. Dyer says that talents should not be display the same way that jewerly should not be displayed so thieves do not get tempted.

So, to be able to stay in a group and be appreciated in a group, and fit, i have to hide my talents so the leader does not feel threatened. Need to lay back and talk much less. That is why Dyer is helping me.

He says:

A country should not display his weapons, a person should not display his talents and his jewerly so thieves are not tempted.

Well, writing about these feelings made me feel a little better. I am still watching the movie but I have to dissociate that it is a movie. Not my family or co-workers humilliating me.

If I dissociate, next time a coworker gives me a bad look I will not feel like I am going to die. I will survive it. And will mnake that person my friend.

[Lupita]

This has nothing to do with having a voice. It has to dp with having an ego. In my last walk we met a russian guy during the walk in the park. The leader started talking to him. I could not resist the temptation to talk to him in Russian. Then they thought I was showing off. So, the leader told me directly, that is why you have so many problems. It is nothing to do about showing my voice, it is about not showing my talents. Dyer calls it the wisdom of obscurity. I need to respect the leader of any group so they can accept me and not to see me as a threat.

I don't have to show anybody that I am a doctor or speak several languages, or play the piano, I have to be happy, not right. I do not need any recognition. If I love my self I do not need anybody else. Then I will have nice good friends.

I better keep my slef occupied. I need to start packing and study the hymns ofr next Sunday.

[lighter]

Heh... started speaking Russian, lol.....

and your so called friends....

were threatened.

Understand....

you have enviouse associates.

Not friends.

When you make true friends.... you'll be accepted, warts, Russian, piano, doctorate....

and all.

[teartracks]

Hi Lulpita,


 wisdom of obscurity

Powerful words. 

There's an old saying, it goes like this:  People don't know care how much you know until they know how much you care. 

I think I would like being in the company of someone who speaks several languages, plays piano, and outgoing. 

You know others have said it here recently, In everything there is a lesson.  Life is full of lessons. 

OH, and I think that your transition into facing your upcoming move and new job has begun and that you're feeling very tentative about the things you'll leave behind and the things you'll find on the other end.  I think thiese feelings are common to all of us.  Don't be afraid.  All we are required to do is, one right thing at a time.  Then another.  Then another...

tt

[Lupita]

Wow, TT that is what Dyer says, just to the right thing today. Do not worry about next year or tomorrow, just today.

Thank you Lighter.

I am dwon today. I might not get to live on the beach.


 

[changing]

Hi Lupita-

You are talented and outgoing. Any friends that share time with you are fortunate and truly admire your gifts and want you to shine and will enjoy your company. Anyone who is not a friend may not feel happy when you are expressing the fullness of your being- that may be what Dyer is saying (I am not familiar with his work) Your loved ones love to see you adorned with beauty and sparkle on your person, soul and in your interactions- lower types will  envy and try to steal your light...

Be happy, Lupita- fly with the eagles and don't waste time in the dirt with the dummy turkeys!!!! I am rooting for you getting your fabulous new home!!!

Love,

Changing

[ann3]

Hi Lupita,

Then they thought I was showing off.   IMO, Lupita, they are not your friends if they feel threatened or jealous of you gifts & talents.  I think real, true friends enjoy our gifts & talents.  I think it's great to have a friend who can order blinies & wodka in the native language.

I need to respect the leader of any group so they can accept me and not to see me as a threat.   Sorry, Lupita, I disagree.  Let your light shine and be who you are.  I think one reason we became voiceless is because we were trained by our parents to alter our spirit & soul just to please them.  So, we've lived lives where we twisted ourselves into a pretzel in order to please other people and fit it, and we did this for such a long time, that we no longer knew who we were.

You are a multi-lingual pianist, educator & doctor.  Be proud of who you are & your accomplishments and don't allow other people to diminish you.  Those who diminish you are jealous or threatened and you don't need them in your life.

love,
ann

ps:  I vote for you to pay the $800 & move to the place you love.  Good luck.

[lighter]

I really want you to have that, Lupita.

Is it hard to rent apartments in your current area?

Are there available units, besides yours?

Have you read the fine print in your lease?

It would be so nice if you could get that cozy little nest, by the ocean.

Lighter