Author Topic: For Lea  (Read 1549 times)

Lupita

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For Lea
« on: June 23, 2008, 09:40:06 PM »
Dear Lea. I wanted to reply to your scaoegoatin threaad but did not find the reply clik so I am putting int here.

Scapegoating is a hostile social - psychological discrediting routine by which people move blame and responsibility away from themselves and towards a target person or group. It is also a practice by which angry feelings and feelings of hostility may be projected, via inappropriate accusation, towards others. The target feels wrongly persecuted and receives misplaced vilification, blame and criticism; he is likely to suffer rejection from those who the perpetrator seeks to influence. Scapegoating has a wide range of focus: from "approved" enemies of very large groups of people down to the scapegoating of individuals by other individuals. Distortion is always a feature.


http://www.scapegoat.demon.co.uk/index.htm


This page is for scapegoaters' targets - people eager to have resolution of a scapegoating. If you are a target taking a stand for undoing scapegoating, then although this is written mainly for you, some other people involved may also be helped by these notes.
I do not think that evils can be cured by blind hatred of their perpetrators. This will only lead us to become like them. Although the effort is not easy, one should attempt....to understand the circumstances that turn men into fiends, and to realise that it is not by blind rage that evils will be prevented. Bertrand Russell, 1951
Truth and reconciliation processes recently have been much discussed as ways to increase possibilities for restorative justice. For some scapegoat targets the main restoration is that of reputation, character and standing. Scapegoat targets tend to feel this form of justice is a right. A right to such justice is denied by anyone involved in a scapegoating who prefers to look away, leaving the target in the prison that scapegoating so often is.

Throughout history it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph. Haile Selassie
It is a mistake to think that you can move healthily into the future without having strategies to defuse with the past. An undoing process is not simply a naive one of forgetting [how do we simply forget?] but of remembering and changing. For simplicity, we use the pronoun `he' throughout in what follows.

http://www.scapegoat.demon.co.uk/undoing.htm

Izzy_*now*

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Re: For Lea
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2008, 10:05:59 PM »
hi Lupita,

I thought I saw a scapegoating thread but it really has disappeared. Magical Thinking!

Do you know about where scapegoating began----in the Bible..... of all places. People could lay all their shame, lies, indiscretions, as you mentioned. on this poor goat and send it off to the wilderness and the people were free of everything.

It takes a number of people to scapegoat one person. It is not one on one.

My eldest sister told me via email in 2004 that she felt I was the scapegoat of the siblings (maybe family). It all fit after that revelation.

They were 4 redheads. I was a brownhead (still am, with one great streak of gray)

Undoing scapegoating is yet another thing, as I have learned. Very difficult.

(Sometimes) These things make far more sense when we have experienced them.

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Leah

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Re: For Lea
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2008, 10:14:06 PM »
Hi Lupita,

Please know that the the scapegoating thread and posting as per the link below ..... has NOT disappeared ( as has been implied) ... it IS still there on the same thread as it was an hour ago



 Damaging the Image of Others -- Discredit -- Scapegoating

« on: June 23, 2008,

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8140.msg130859#msg130859


Thank you for this thread " For Lea"    -- you are thoughtful.


Love, Leah   
       



clearly, projective introjection regarding deleting ... http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=7580.msg122407#msg122407

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8159.msg130940#msg130940
« Last Edit: June 24, 2008, 03:21:45 PM by LeahsRainbow »
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

lighter

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Re: For Lea
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2008, 09:49:32 PM »
Very good post, Lupita.

It got me thinking about the recent stand on the board....

Many stood up and spoke their peace, though it wasn't the easier thing to do.

Remaining silent is easier, no doubt.

Lighter

Izzy_*now*

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Re: For Lea
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2008, 08:00:11 PM »
hi Lupita,

Your scapegoating thread has been noticed and responded to.


There appears to be a lack of interest on this issue but Lighter said it well with
Quote


"Remaining silent is easier, no doubt.


If anyone feels scapegoated, she should check how to unscapegoat!

When I realized I couldn't do that with 4 siblings (maybe 2 parents)  I then realized that it was they, they, they, who had a problem , not me, and threw the blame on me. I feel cleared, fully, and from amyone else who has tried to debase me!

Thanks Lupita

xx
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Izzy_*now*

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Re: For Lea
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2008, 08:07:49 PM »
Let's see!!!!!!!! Time Zones-- AHA!!

I posted this on June 21

  http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8128.0 and it says so.

There are different Time Zones all over this world but it was still June 21, Pacific Standard Time.

Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Leah

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Re: For Lea
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2008, 07:18:00 AM »

Dear Izzy,

Please know that I have only ever extended to you my genuine kind respect.

I was brought up, schooled, to show respect for my elders, and this I have always done with you, regardless of any "contentless taunts"  (one of which Dr Grossman deleted with notation}

As you have expressed, we have never had 'crossed words' with one another.

Having searched my heart, I offer to you from my heart of my sincerest forgiveness to you for causing me to feel hurt and 'got at' as a result of your most recent choice of words and action.

Those were my real feelings as a result of you actions.

I don't want, never did want, a NC with you - I simply felt at the time, it was the best thing to do, for some space and respite, taking into account all that was occurring at that moment in time.

If my going NC with you has caused you to feel hurt, I sincerely seek your forgiveness.



Love, Leah
« Last Edit: June 28, 2008, 08:01:56 AM by LeahsRainbow »
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO