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The shaming tactic fails to work on me

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tigerlily:
It's the control they want.  I remember wanting to find a really nice purse for Christmas that my mother would love.  She was so picky about everything. I made sure it was leather, the color she wanted, it had to have a zipper here and there and wherever else,, it had to have compartments where she wanted them, and it had to have little metal things for it to sit on the bottom.  I ran my ass off looking for the right purse, spent more than I wanted to spend on it but did anyway because I knew it met all the requirements, and I proudly gave it to her.  Her response?  "It's too heavy."  She never used it, although it was just like what she always picked (only cheaper).  Unbelievable.  So, it has to be the control.  If she would have been pleased with it, then that meant I had done something right for a change.  And she couldn't have that happen.

Discounted Girl:
See, that's what always had me in a catch 22. My kids would have said "look, grandma and papa acted like they didn't like our gift!" Then, I would have skirted the issue and made excuses for their rudeness, saying, well, they probably had something else on their mind,, or,, you think so? it didn't look that way to me. I did that all their growing up years, covered up the monster and faked a mask over her, so when they saw her in action on the day of my Dad's funeral, it blew their mind and they have been in a state of shock ever since. There was no time or energy left for me to protect them. Their reactions have been, "why would you hide it from us?" to "you should have dealt with her years ago and not let us get close to her." to "you can't wait till now when she is almost dead for us to find out, now what are we supposed to do? We can't be mean to our grandma, she's an old woman now, but if we have communciations with her then we feel like we are betraying you." So, I say to all of you with children, don't cover up the nasty N's -- but I still think it's traumatic to see your grandparent treat your mother in such a way. Well, it just got out of hand after so many years of abuse and making excuses, everybody is dysfunctional now and I think it's mostly her fault, no, let me rephrase that, contrary to what anyone might think, IT'S ALL HER FAULT  :!:

Ellie:
This will surprise no one on this board, but I must tell you someone. After years of Ndad getting mad that we sent cards and gifts for his birthday and Christmas, last year I simply stopped.

I didn't call, send a card - just went on like any other day.

A week went by and I got an email from my niece/adopted sister living with them) saying "Please call Poppaw or send a card or something. He's moping around like it's the end of the world. We can't stand to see him this way. He's been upset since you didn't send a card or call on his birthday. Everyday he asks me and Mommaw if you have called yet". She said he really wanted to hear from me, he really loves me...... :roll:

Of course I didn't give in. I got a good laugh from it though!

Moonflower:
...

ch:
That's a good point Moonflower.  Get her crap!! :lol: That is all they deserve after years and years of trying to please these ungrateful Nfolks.  

But really, everybody.  Don't take it personally.  Nparents just have a deep sense of self-loathing, so its really themselves that they can't stand and we as children are nothing more than mirrors to them.  This is why it always seems we are never ever heard.  We don't really exist to them, except to mirror them and be part of the sadistic game.

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