I don't know if this will help or not, but from experience, I believe you WILL do all those things you listed. Not right away, and not all at the same time, but over time, yes. Twice in my life, my heart was so broken it manifested physically, like you say here: chest pains, and I had trouble breathing, and really felt like giving up on life. One was over ten years ago, the other two years ago. Neither did anything wrong, as you say here. And in both cases, if I see him now, it's completely twinge-free. The time I've spent getting up each day and focusing on what I want out of that day, hard though it was at first to put one foot in front on the other, made me feel so much stronger, more content, genuinely happy much of the time. It couldn't come without first taking that long walk through the sadness and disappointment and in my case feeling totally worthless and unlovable (not coincidentally these are the things my NF used to say to me as a child: "you don't know how to love, and nobody will love you," and "you're not worth anything anyway"), yeah, OK thanks dad. For me it meant setting small goals at first, and being kind to myself, even in small ways.
Postscript: one of them did come back. And I decided he wasn't right for me.
Take care of yourself now.
