Questions for ONYX!!!

[ch]

Hi Onyx,

1. Do you think you are now a bit hardened or jaded as a result of your experience with the Nlady?  (Its hard to tell because you write so well and with so much humor. I am really impressed by your wisdom and mature attitude considering your youthful age. and yet, i still sensed you were so terribly hurt and in despair, and have given up on romantic relationships.  i do hope i am wrong about this part.)
 
2. Do you still continue to learn lessons from that experience that happened long ago?  

3. Have you worked on those childhood issues that made you vulnerable to the NPDers?

4. Do you think that your failed relationship with Nlady has traumatized you and added to your list of issues to work on?

5. Are you ready and open to a healthy relationship with a woman?

Thank you so much for writing your story and analysis in July.  It read like a suspense novel.  I was so hooked to it myself, and have found many lessons in it for me to take in, having survived more than several N relationships myself as an enabler. Your story woke me up to alot of things i have been telling myself for years, but somehow, it's more powerful hearing it from another soul.

[Anonymous]

Jezzzzzz......I love you and want to marry you right now!!!! I  Nobody has ever written such nice things about me before..............I'm soooooooooo shocked!!!!!!!!  I don't care if you've got a humped back, 3 nipples and you name is quasimodo!!! I don't even mind if you've got: in-growing toe nails, knock knees, a colostomy bag, hairy chest and bad breathe.....I ruv you! I do however draw the line at farting in bed.......if you produce supersonic biscuits (pass wind) during the night, then you're fired!!

As for your questions:

1. Yes.......and no! Of course I'm hardened, who wouldn't be! But then again, it is all part of growing older; we never stop learning! At the time, yes I was very hurt, but I really laugh about it now! In writing that, I'm not trying to cover up any shame or dented pride.....I really do smile about some of the things that happened! I didn't at the time.....and I never thought I would.....but I learned soooooo much about her.....and more importantly, ME!

2. And then some!!!!!

3. Yes. I came face to face with myself.....for the first time! I stopped focusing on 'her' and 'her problems'.....and started to take a real good and long look at myself! So much so, this is why I think I managed to sort myself out. Instead of playing the blame game and finger pointing at her, I turned my finger around on me! Why had I gotten myself so involved? Why had I put up with so much crap? Why had made me so determined to continue with it?......etc! Yes I did go right back and into my childhood and yes, the answers lay before me......I just never really looked for them before!

4. Yes it did.....but I slowly started to address them. I didn't complete the story I'd written during the summer.....I thought it had bored a few people, so left well alone. I did start dating again after a while......and quite honestly, I was bloody awful to be with.....I promise! I found myself asking so many questions and of course, mentioning her name far to much! I pity the poor girls who had to endure me......I was absolutely crap!

5. Now I am.......and I can be very honest about that! I haven't been honest in the past about this issue. A number of women thought that they could pick up the pieces and sort me out so to speak! But quite honestly I was never in any real position to offer any of them much! I became emotionally sealed off.......actually quite cold really! I wouldn't let anyone get on my inside......not matter what! On the one hand I was 'good relationship material' as far as girlfriends would view me, but inside I kept it quite that I had no intention of doing anything with them other that girl friend/boyfriend stuff! I didn't want anything heavy and actually walked away from women if I felt pressured in anyway!

Now I'm a damned site more relaxed and easy going. I think that if you've had a relationship with an NPDer, it's going to take some time to get them out of your system. In a relationship, I have healthy boundaries  these days, I didn't before hand! I walked straight in to a situation that I was totally unprepared for.

In business, at the time I very much was involved with companies who were in financial difficulties. I'd help turn them around or put them under. I was a rescuer and could turn situations around. I applied this to a relationship......and paid the price! I didn't give in easily.......I damn well do now!

I knew nothing about NPD...absolutely nothing!! I now consider myself very well read on the subject and balanced at the same time. I do however feel that the entire issue is being hi-jacked by some, for no other reason than greed! I also believe that the same people are doing their level best to incourage the masses to believe that there is a NPDer around every corner! This is not so! If anything, it really belittles those who have come into direct contact with a person(s) with NPD.

Once again I thankyou for reading my material and responding as you have  Now is you can: cook, darn socks and wear a pink tutu in high heels, then my offer of marriage is confirmed

David

[Onyx]

One day I'm going to remember to log in before I post things!!

David

[ch]

Hi David,

I'm not kidding about what i am about to say, and i am in shock myself. Here goes.....  I dare say that you have read my mind in your opening line.

YES, I would like to marry you as well!!  Is that crazy or what?  I think you have read my mind across the Atlantic Ocean in the past  few weeks while
I have read everything  that you have ever written on this board in the past month. As a result, i really have come to admire, like, and love you from afar.

I wrote to you in the past few days hoping you will come back to the board and write some more.  And this morning, I am NOT kidding, i woke up and said to myself, "Hey,  i like that Onyx man, whoever he is.  I think i could fall in love with someone who has been through hell, not only survived it , but has come out  so well-adjusted and with such humorous and healthy outlook.  He must be an incredible person."  Then, i turned off my alarm, brushed my teeth and started my day.....

I don't know and care too much what you look like either because i am not visual like most men are, however, i am very audio, so i hope you have a nice voice.  Thankfully, i am not bad-looking if i do say so myself.  I am very honest in my self assessment.  I am not drop-dead gorgeous, but i'd like to think that i own a balanced and honest face which is classic and beautiful, which one cannot grow tire of looking at such as like most of the hollywood types these days.

Yes, i have worn tutus and danced on point as a teenager.
I can cook!  not English though, but in other more flavorful style...

The farting thing....you might have to give in or compromise a little bit sometime.  These sort of things depend on alot of factors, such as the gaseous foods and the condition of the stomache, intestines, and nervous system, etc...I cannot promise, but will certainly try.

Also, you don't need to log in as long as you sign your name at the end of your message.  As for me, i don't sign there, but i sign under username.  i don't  logging in because it never works and i didn't bother to figure it out.  i think the only diffence is that logging in keeps track of how many postings you have made and what city, state you live in.  and that maybe you can delete your postings in the future like that one lady did recently when she said goodbye to everyone.  i don't understand why she had to delete her old postings as if she never existed in the first place. and when you read some old postings, it's hard to follow and doesn't make sense anymore....

I will have to look you up in London the next time i head in that direction, cause you and I are getting married!!!  Yippee!!  Something exciting to look forward to....  

So, tell me, do you sound like anyone famous so i could attach the voice to your postings.  

[Anonymous]

 I am swooning under dizzying twilight zone like spirals.  Is it just me or what?

[Anonymous]

I have two responses:

(1) Maybe you two should get a room.  

(2) Woah. You don't even know each other and haven't met. British men are extremely flirtatious. American women need to be aware of that. Internet offers of marriage need to be taken with a grain of salt. But hey, if you end up getting married, congratulations and good luck.

bunny

[Anonymous]

CH

I was only joking

  But what about Bunny and Portia, Phoenix and all the other girls on here.....I'd break their hearts if I ran off and married  Alas CH, I must share myself around, bore the hell out of the many and waffle for Ireland in the next Olympics  

Now I do have a terrible sense of humour (humur for you Americans) and yes I am, as Bunny says, British and flirtatious (actually I'm Irish by birth......so that means I'm even more full of BS and blarney)!! Anyway, just around the corner from you, there's some nice American chappie who can't wait to spoil you rotten!!  

Besides, I don't even know you name! Other than the two letters, CH, I know nothing! Come to think of it, I'll call you Switzerland from now on. As with America and it's international designation of USA, Switzerland is known as CH.

I loved the bit about you not being able to do "English" cooking! English food is loaded with grease and stodge......it's bloody awful!! Thank god for the Italians, French, Indians (curry) and Chinese! Talking of Indian food reminds me of a joke: If the bottom is falling out of your world,
eat vindaloo (very very hot curry) and let the world fall out of your bottom!

What's actually very healthy about our little post here, is that it shows to others on this site that there is life after NPD death! People like you and I haven't become too hard faced about our past life experiences. We're able to function and laugh/joke about things. No doubt a lot of people on here are hurting like hell at the moment, but there really is light at the end of that dark tunnel So much so, I could pop over the the States and marry you one day  

I've spent quite a bit of time over their......I've even got an American pilots licence......no joke! Great country, but I like it over here lots. It would be nice to know more about others on V&E......kind of good to put a face to a name

David
Hugs and kisses

Would you believe it, it's sunny over here yet again today!! That's two whole days of sunny weather and no sodding rain.......amazing!

[ch]

Hi David,

It is so good to hear from you again and to see your smileys.
You know, i was just trying to get you to talk again on this board, and well, i have to use flirtation to get through to you.  So that was my shot at it.  ALot of fun, i might say.  I think i will do it more often, but only if i feel the person has good humor like you.

The Vindaloo joke...hah-ha ha....btw, I love indian food.  Can't cook it, and won't cook it, cause its messy and stinks up the whole place, but i like to eat it at a nice romantic restaurant overlooking my um, well, ..lover.  There, i said it!   Oh, goodness, this flirtatious talking just isn't natural and suitable for me.  

Ha ha ha.  sunny in london for two whole days??!!  ha-ha-ha

Ok, i will read that long email you wrote in the other post.  Thanks David!!!

Switzerland

[Anonymous]

Damn, does this mean the wedding is off? What happened? Granny always said "Beware smooth English gents with those cute little er-um little whats   ? Can't remember. Little whats   ? (cough) Oh no no no! I know, oh yeah, accents."

Whirlwind romances, they never last. Was it the gaseous emmissions admission? Probably   . Is that what doomed it? Oh David, there is still hope   . We can get ch aka switzerland some little pills for that.

What are they called again?    Oh yeah,   "Flatuscents - turning nasty odours into soothing healing aromas".

Little tiny comfy heart shaped pills you just pop up in the back end. They come in all different lovely scents. Your gas will  be turned into enticing lovely relaxing aromas for the whole family to enjoy   . Jasmine one day. Ylang Ylang the next. Gardenia the next. And they make the perfect gift too, for the person who has everything.  Would that help get the relationship back on track ?

Did you know breach of promise causes trauma? Are you okay CH? Sorry David, too many witnesses, you have to marry her now.  I'll order the pills. What do you say ch, would you have him back now? Seems he wants to be free for a while longer. And I guess you know the saying, "So many women, only one Onyx."

Damn, and really, I was just so looking forward to a cyber-wedding.

And hey, Peanuts could have done the flowers.

CG

[switzerland]

I'm still ok. Thanks for asking!!
And i am still game.
Still looking forward to romance and love, and all that good stuff...oh  yeah, and a man to enjoy life with...

I'm still waiting to hear Onyx's answers to my original questions.  Did he cover all of them?

[Onyx]

Whats this about "smooth English guys" I hear? Enough with you CG, I'm a pure and rough arsed Irish man with unspeakably bad habits and awful manners   ! ....and why prey tell does one need to pop anti smell piles in order to improve ones odour? I'm organic and in demand in the shop! I'm farm fresh with nothing taken away or added! I'm your pure and original "Old fart"!

Right that said and out of the way, I can tackle the fun stuff now!  

CG.....will you marry me as you write ever so proper and I bet you can do joined up hand writing and can spell big words? I promise to pass wind in silent and never to: burp at the wrong time, scratch my arse in church, fall face first in the gutter having had a skin full or shout Eureka every time I visit the toilet for a poo poo! .....and oh yes, I also promise to put the seat back down on the toilet after I've used it!

I'm sorry Switzerland.......but you didn't yoddle long enough or deep enough for me, the weddings off!

Hope everythings OK with you ladies, as I've been away recently with work! I have been watching Ivan's as it's swept up the Gulf and I did wonder if it was going to head Texas way! I know I talk 'dirty' so to speak....but it's only a bit of fun......and anyway,  I always say "pardon" afterwards

David

PS I'm feeling very good these days.....the worlds not a bad place after all.....just one or two places...that's all

[Anonymous]

hahah damn, meant to come BACK sooner!!

I hope I'm not tool ate - tool ate - what's tool ate? Must be my George animus at the tools again    dreaming of eating his tool!!!   But I guess it's every males dream, hey?  

Whats this about "smooth English guys" I hear? Enough with you CG, I'm a pure and rough arsed Irish man with unspeakably bad habits and awful manners   ! ....

roguh 'asked' and awful manners. Stop it Onyx- I'm beginning to like you.  
 

and why prey tell does one need to pop anti smell piles in order to improve ones odour? I'm organic and in demand in the shop! I'm farm fresh with nothing taken away or added! I'm your pure and original "Old fart"!

   The fart bit is okay, but I'm unsure about the old. How old. Old is over 90 to me. But under is okiedokie.

Right that said and out of the way, I can tackle the fun stuff now!  

CG.....will you marry me as you write ever so proper and I bet you can do joined up hand writing and can spell big words?

Joined up handwriting   , you mean with both hands tied together,    kinky   No, but I'm willing to learn. Er um Sorry ch/switzerland. Forgot myself for a moment, I'm here advocating for answers to your questions    :shock:but I got caught up in his spell.  Spank me out of it, quick!!!!        But he's so roughishly charming and all grubby like, ahhhhh and at the same time too.        

I promise to pass wind in silent and never to: burp at the wrong time, scratch my arse in church, fall face first in the gutter having had a skin full or shout Eureka every time I visit the toilet for a poo poo! .....and oh yes, I also promise to put the seat back down on the toilet after I've used it!

Well Onyx, really?   What more could a girl want or have ever dreamed of in man. Just the kind mother would approve of. You'd like my mother. Actually, I think you may be more suited to her. Maybe I shall arrange an intro.

I'm sorry Switzerland.......but you didn't yoddle long enough or deep enough for me, the weddings off!

No ch/swiss baby, he didn't answer all of your questions, and look now. He's gone and proposed to me. And hey, I don't know whether I accepted or not.  

I know I talk 'dirty' so to speak....but it's only a bit of fun......and anyway,  I always say "pardon" afterwards

That's cool Onyx, a bit of dirt between consenting adults never hurt anyone - did it?      hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

David

PS I'm feeling very good these days.....the worlds not a bad place after all.....just one or two places...that's all

[/quote]
Here here, I'll drink to that. And here here, I'll drink to that too. And anything else you wanna drink to. Here here@! Burp @! Fart@! Belch again. Ooooops -   . Too much. Oh well, you're a gentleman, you'll clean up for me, won't you Onyx.  Please?

CG

[Anonymous]

oh boy, i haven't been on here for a few weeks.  got busy with outside life again.  now, i've got CG taking over my honey, flirting with my fiance, getting a proposal, and whatnot.  hmmm......
well, as long as its true love between two people, i am all for it.

YoddelAYHEEEEEEHOOOOOOOO!!!

switzerland

[Onyx]

You two are ever so naughty and god, I ruv that   ! Well anytime you want to exchange wind with me in the future.....feel free to 'Ivan' my way!

David