Author Topic: Dealing with Sociopaths  (Read 12760 times)

debkor

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1070
Re: Dealing with Sociopaths
« Reply #60 on: June 17, 2008, 02:52:50 PM »
Hi Carolyn,

Thank you and I appreciate you also.  I am safe now and hope I don't ever run into someone like him again or wise enough to trust if it don't feel right then it's not..


Light,

Quote
And.... I think it's very difficult to give up on loved ones, esp if we share children and lives and keep losing focus of the BIG SOCIOPATH picture bc it's so awful, so terrible so horrible that we're unable to grasp the true scope of that reality.

I've never experienced anything like it before in my life.

The confusion and doubt and fear that creates an inhospitable environment for focusing.

Once focus is managed.... it keeps going in and out of focus.

It's true......

where there's terrible confusion, IME.....

 look around.....

there's someone without a consience nearby.....

trying to look very innocent......

and victimized.

A phenomenon we should be educate our children about, on some level, IMO.

And I cannot agree with you more.  Same words and thoughts, if they, came right out of my mouth and my mind.. I hope to God that many can not relate to this but I know it's very true that many can..


Love
Deb





lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: Dealing with Sociopaths
« Reply #61 on: June 17, 2008, 11:00:37 PM »
::sigh::

 I'm so tired....

so so tired, Deb.

I don't want my girls to learn this the hard way, any more than I want newcomers to learn the hard way here.

Just have to teach them well....

 and have faith.

Must to bed, go.

Nite

Lighter




Certain Hope

  • Guest
Re: Dealing with Sociopaths
« Reply #62 on: June 23, 2008, 08:54:20 AM »

There's so much wisdom in the Bible, in Proverbs... about handling fools, deceivers, flatterers.
I think it's a great resource for teaching our kids.
And this poem is pretty effective, too.

The Spider and The Fly
written by Mary Howitt

"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly;
"'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many curious things to show when you are there."
"Oh no, no," said the little fly; "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high.
Well you rest upon my little bed?" said the spider to the fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest a while, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
"Oh no, no," said the little fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again who sleep upon your bed!"

Said the cunning spider to the fly: "Dear friend, what can I do
To prove the warm affection I've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome - will you please to take a slice?
"Oh no, no," said the little fly; "kind sir, that cannot be:
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"

"Sweet creature!" said the spider, "you're witty and you're wise;
How handsome are your gauzy wings; how brilliant are your eyes!
I have a little looking-glass upon my parlor shelf;
If you'd step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you're pleased to say,
And, bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."

The spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready to dine upon the fly;
Then came out to his door again and merrily did sing:
"Come hither, hither, pretty fly, with pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple; there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer grew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes and green and purple hue,
Thinking only of her crested head. Poor, foolish thing! at last
Up jumped the cunning spider, and fiercely held her fast;
He dragged her up his winding stair, into the dismal den -
Within his little parlor - but she ne'er came out again!

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words I pray you ne'er give heed;
Unto an evil counselor close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale of the spider and the fly.

debkor

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1070
Re: Dealing with Sociopaths
« Reply #63 on: July 13, 2008, 02:37:10 AM »

Vindictiveness

Sociopaths are by nature extremely vindictive! Vindictiveness comes from the power/dominance system in our brains. Scientific studies show that sociopathic people derive great pleasure from revenge. Revenge is a very primitive emotion that evolved to ensure enforcement of social reciprocity. It evolved before the capacity for love. We know this because of studies of chimpanzees. Chimpanzees are very vindictive and vengeful when a comrade fails to reciprocate, and their capacity for love has not evolved much. It is only the threat of revenge that induces chimpanzees to cooperate with each other, because they do not have love bonds that motivate cooperation. When a chimpanzee shares his food, he does not likely get a warm fuzzy feeling inside, instead he knows that others will later do the same for him. If others fail to reciprocate, revenge is always taken.

Thankfully most humans receive a double reward when they cooperate with each other and a double punishment when they fail to cooperate. The double reward is the inherent pleasure in knowing we did a good for someone else, and the thought that good might someday be reciprocated. The double punishment is the guilt over harming someone and the fear that the harm will be reciprocated. Please hear me, sociopaths are like chimpanzees. They do not feel good when they do good for someone, they thus expect immediate reciprocity. They therefore feel it is necessary to get revenge in order to reduce the likelihood of future attacks on their status, power and possessions.
This is why prison is an occupational hazard for them. They also do not comprehend the guilt other people feel. This is why it is important to them to mete out huge punishments toward everyone who has offended them.

When you have to deal with sociopaths, be ever mindful that these individuals are devoid of pleasure from goodness and devoid of guilt over evil. Although they take advantage of other’s emotions, they have it in their minds that the rest of the human race is like them. They therefore feel it is necessary to get revenge in order to reduce the likelihood of future attacks on their status, power and possessions.


I always compared my ex to a monster... and he was a Chimp!!  [




Love
Deb





Certain Hope

  • Guest
Re: Dealing with Sociopaths
« Reply #64 on: July 13, 2008, 01:44:12 PM »
Wow, Deb.
I always understand that sociopaths don't feel guilt - lack of conscience and all -
but never considered the flip side of that coin... that they don't experience the positive reinforcement of good feelings for having pleased another!

This makes so much sense... and explains why it always feels like the Chimp is keeping score!
Life is just one ongoing power struggle/ competition to this person without the soul to place value of any sort on the wellbeing of others.
What an isolated, miserable, vapid existence!!

Carolyn