Light,
I think, light, when I was questioning and investigating the seceret *life* which I was not sure of what it was, thought women, drug abuse, drug dealing, all three, danger, well maybe I'm over reacting to danger, I was NOT, I looked for the doubts.
The innocent people with thier doubts were truly that and ment me no harm. They really did not know, as I did not, but wanted to squash my danger feelings wanted thier doubts I wanted to Doubtttt.. so bad. The others that had no doubt not exaxtly knowing what was going on, I blew off, I resisted..
I remember talking with my sister and discussing sociopath and I instanly got the ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not me.......... can't be.......that is not something I married.........where are my Doubts!!!!!!!!!!!
I was harder on the people with no doubt then the ones with them. I kept contact with all. And yes I can see how they had them. You have to be 24/7 with a person to know. I mean really know it's beyond your everyday problems and a very Dangerous Person.
I am sure that there are some that still have them. Yes they know what has taken place and the secerets are out but I think that people do doubt most probably that it's over, it's fixed, it's changed and life is good for him now.. A miracle, A cure. I know this because when his sister called here to say her mother was dying she said, ex, looks really good and doing really well.
Me, I'm real, I know he is dangerous and will always be.... that I do not doubt... when it kicks in again... one never knows but I do not doubt it. .. just when, with who, and how bad...
The No contact with family members of his kind of just fell into place. It just happened. And that is alright. They are good people and we pretty just went our own ways for reasons and then for no reason.
I'll tell you one part that is very funny now but show you how I so wanted to say in Doubt back then.
In my car when I had it one night, my sister, for some reason opened my glove compartment and found a mustache and make up, I reached into the back seat found his duffel bag felt it and said OMG please don't let this be a gun and sure as hell was, I said to my sister, Do you think he has a GF? WTF? I wanted to doubt anything else. We laugh now over that.
But I wanted doubts even with evidence on my Lap of Danger.... It was so creepy and I wanted to be brain dead to this that I had to face and deal with. A freak of nature. Something missing. No concious. And I married it.
And oh hell, Light, although it was over it took about a full four years to purge it out. totally.. and accept that there are just some really sick people that will never be cured and they are not just who you read about or watch on TV they can be sleeping right next to you.
Love
Deb
