The family reunion I didn’t miss tho’ I wasn’t there.

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi all

I received an email from my sister about things and some pictures.

This sister said “Pickled beets always remind me of Mom”.
N sister asked, “Why would pickled beets remind you of Mom?” (‘I can hear her tone’ that implied that was stupid.)
Finally, at the table, another sister said, “Pickled beets always remind me of Mom.” Apparently there was laughter for those 'in the know'.

Had I been there I would thought “I love pickled beets” and my mind’s eye would see a 2 Qt. jar of them amongst all the rest of Mom’s preserves in the cellar. That would be me before.

The pictures showed a table large enough to  fill the back ‘fenced in’ patio, when normal chairs were around it. No room for a wheelchair or turning space, a narrow door to go inside, and steps down to the grass, and this made me think of many family gatherings that if I stayed on the edge of things to  be able to go use the bathroom when necessary, I’d be asked to move as my wheels were in the way. Room would be made for me somewhere, then people would fill in on the floor in front of me and, in that case, I would have people in my way. What’s the difference? No wonder I began staying away and living in MY own world.

Izzy

[Certain Hope]

Izzy,

About the pickled beets...
laughter for those "in the know" ?

In the know about what?

Surely at their ages, your siblings have encountered plenty of physical limitations of their own, haven't they?
It's hard to imagine that they could still be so ignorant about things like this... and very sad, if it's true.

Carolyn

[sea storm]

Hi Izzy,

The pickled beets thing reminds me of people who don't have much sense of poetry. They are very concrete and miss the boat when it comes to metaphors. How charming that pickled beets remind you of mom.  They glow like jewels in the bottle.

People are so insensitive about disabilities.  Thoughtless cruelty.  I walk with a limp and people complain that I dont like to go walking rather than realize it is painful for me to walk.  I guess they are triggered by the helplessness of it. I say grow up to them.  I am sorry they are so boneheaded.

Lots of love,
Sea

[Izzy_*now*]

Oh, Carolyn,

In the know!! The ones who were present for all comments!  They would notice N-sister's comment.

My sibs are 66-72. They are all quite agile and look 20 years younger, as I do.

My guess is that they were'relieved'? that I moved West. I looked at the pics again and the patio also had a BBQ and all the coolers piled up and I am glad I am here. Thank you N for bringing me, even though I paid half the travel expenses to spend 4 awful years with you---and now I say you paid ½ my travel expenses.!!

..that and hi sea, Yes, very thoughtless and I will no longer tolerate living in an inaccessible world. Wheelchairs don't do well in sand or on grass or climb mountains, and might nick yoiur doorframes if the user is careless.

Mom pickled everything that she could and yes we did not have a sense of poetry---I still don't. That's why I just state the facts that are not dressed up with fancy words.

All in well otherwise....

... oh just thought of legs pics- I sent to sister.. -morning purple legs not much swelling (or pantyhose) compared to later in the day and swelling that 'shoves my leg crooked'

Izzy

EDIT I forgot that these were not resized.

[LilyCat]

Izzy,

That rots (!!!) about the wheelchair thing. This really struck home to me because of my brother. He was always "in the way," so to speak, but he was never in the way. (Meaning, he's not heavy, he's my brother.) How rude and insensitive of your family.

And how awful that it's encouraged you to isolate yourself rather than to feel comfortable joining in. As if families aren't difficult enough.

Have you ever contemplated just telling them how you feel? I don't have enough sense of your family, and your relationships with your family members, but sometimes there's an honest and candid way of letting someone know how you feel. (Sometimes. I never do this with my sister, for example. Wouldn't get me anywhere. It's not that she doesn't care, it's that she's ... sort of a dud.)

Anyway, I am feeling very sad for you. What a loss.

You do have a family here who welcomes you and loves you, wheelchair and anything else you care to bring.

(((((Izzy))))  and about a thousand more.

LC

[Izzy_*now*]

Yes LC

My family is weird and actually toxic to me.

We were never nice to each other when younger and had Mom and Dad withholding attention/love/affection and Dad beating us, yet now they don't want to hear a word against them.

I was affected differently. That was the beginning of my troubles with self

They get together now and are nice, but the talk is all superficial, as I know from my attending those get togethers,

When I was injured my Dad came first, and my eldest sister (a nurse) came daily to read my mail (I was on dearh's doorr then.)

When I was coming arounnd, the visits were less but my N-sister began coming every week and did for a whole year. She told me that the nurse sister stopped coming because she couldn't stand to look at me. There was no need to tell me that, as I was saying to that sister that she had her own life with her family etc., so daily wasn't necessary. I thanked her too.

N-sister had my 5 yr old daughter for 2 days and she remembers being spanked when she cried for me. Then younger sister took daughter for 2 months and came to see me only once and brought daughter. I was angry as hell about that. My brother came but once.

I was on my own and disabled for life and in hospital One year. Then back to my 6 year old daughter. I was on my own and still am after 39 years and my daughter is 44.

There is no trying to explain anything to them as they, for some reason, seemed to be all right, but then I often wonder.

xx
Izzy

[Certain Hope]

Ahh, I get it, Izzy... thanks.

I thought there really was some story associated with pickled beets... something I'd missed... lol.

My memories are of things like brussels sprouts and rutabeggy (as we used to call it)...
sour smells and attitudes.

Like you, I am still quite grateful to Nwhosits for moving me away from all that.

Love,
Carolyn

[gratitude28]

Izzy,
I didn't need a chair to be made to feel as you did. Really - I do everything wrong. My parents were always afraid I would break their treasures (piles of stuff they bought - topsy turvy and everywhere, but it was always my fault if it toppled). I never used the right pot or pan, never put them away correctly. I didn't turn off the lights fast enough. I didn't like to eat what they did (even if I did). I didn't understand politics (theirs) or current events (their version). I didn't appreciate anything they liked. So, Izzy, there was so space for me either. There never was.
A little pickle story for you, Iz... My mother pickled like crazy when we first moved to where they are now - 30 years ago. She still has jars of those pickles somewhere in the basement (botulism surprise I guess you could call it).
Love, Beth

[Izzy_*now*]

I read you Beth...........loud and clear!!!!

When there was mould on the preserves, we just removed it and if the fruit, whatever underneath, was ok we ate what was in the jar!

I swear we could have been dead years ago, and one thing we've said is that we could have killed ourselves or each other, on the farm.

I must have known my N-sister was an N and shoved a broomstick down her throat when I was 3. Mom stopped me.

Yep yep yep. That's the way it was in the '40s and '50s.

Izzy

[changing]

Hi Deer-

If only your family recognized the unique beauty of Our Izzy. They have missed so much- brilliance, loyalty, intelligence, strength, goodness, warmth and affection. And you have not been given the support that you deserved- but you have prevailed- wonderfully!!!
Love To You,

Changing

[LilyCat]

Izzy,

I cannot say anything more true or eloquent than Changing just wrote ... how right she is.

But in my own feeble words -- how awful. Just how terribly, terribly awful. I cannot imagine being treated by family that way under any circumstance, much less yours. How did you ever do it? Raise a daughter on your own like that? My hat is off to you. It must have been hurtful for your daughter as well, not being able to see you, being shut down all the time, wondering where you were and needing you and not being able to get to you -- have you been able to work through some of that with her?

I am just stunned, and floored. It doesn't matter what they talk about - they are not nice people. They're rotten and heartless to the core, and it doesn't matter if one is N -- none of them is better.

I guess, since you've been dealing with all this for such a long time, you've integrated it into your life in some way -- but Izzy, I am just so sorry to hear this. You are such a wonderful and gracious person, and to have gone through all this is just horrendous. My hat is off to you for your strength and tenacity and tremendous spirit.

And a thousand million hugs (((((Izzy))))))

LC

[Izzy_*now*]

Thank you changing and LC

Now that it's all over, so to speak, and that since I was always analyzing things as the years would go by, I have had a long time to deal with it and realize that I survived it all, before I really knew I had.

I realize that I compartmentalized all my life and this was my salvation from going over the edge! BUT now it's all locked up in a  large filing cabinet!---alphabetically, of course!

xx
Izzy