Untangling from Nmom

[flower]

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Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

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[mighty mouse]

Flower, as a person who has broken with the Nmom, I understand your dilemmas. Since I live in Texas and the rest of family essentially lives in Pa. or surrounding states, I have it easier since I'm so far away. I used to go to everyone's weddings, graduations, etc. at great expense and time to myself. But I just decided last year that it was enough. I didn't get so much as a congradulations card when I got married 13 years ago.

Essentially, I guess I decided that I wouldn't be kicked around anymore. I felt taken for granted and even after all my time and effort at visiting pretty often I am now being compared to my sister in Philadelphia who hasn't bothered to visit for years. So all those years of going to stuff didn't mean a thing to my Mother.    

Ya know what? Even though I haven't seen my Mom for 2 years and not spoken to her in over a year I don't miss her a smidge. But then I think you start to second guess yourself when you aren't in the line of fire so much and say - was she really that bad? That's what I'm dealing with right now. It's not a daily thing but there is a little niggling thing that I think sometimes. Maybe that's something that will never be resolved and it's just a little thing I'll have to live with. Maybe I'll make friends with the niggle.....

Hi to Les. I'm back from SMA.

MM

[Moonflower]

.....

[Discounted Girl]

this is really a great thread -- thank you flower (the strongest little flower in the world) for starting it.

I am savoring each and every word from each poster. I agree totally and nod my head here and pat my heart as I read. None of you can see me, nor I you, but I can feel you. Only those who have hurt as I have could write this stuff. I cannot describe how "good" it feels to be validated. It's not about liking the pain, or wanting to drag it out so much as a strong desire for acknowledgement. If only others out there could understand this, but, alas, if they could, they would be victims.

It's as if this is a horrible secret that only those who have been eaten by these monsters can really understand, and even then, it takes a precise mixture of qualities of the heart, mind and soul in the victim to be so deeply scarred. There are many more who suffered ruined childhoods as we did but who have managed to go on into adulthood without the long-term ramifications of the abuse. I don't know how it is possible, but others have done it.

We are a select group, in a special class, members of a secret society in which we did not apply.