N Relationships With Own Siblings

[gratitude28]

I was just thinking about NM's relationship with her own siblings. She has one older sister, of whom she is very jealous. She often copies what the older sister does, tries to "keep up" with her in all ways. I can remember when we were kids, she liked to joke about how much prettier she was than her sister and laughed if we said a picture of our aunt was unflattering, or, even better, if we said our aunt was unattractive. To her brothers, NM is blindly attached. She will overlook any horrid thing they do and laugh it off.
Although my NM describes my father's family in a very cruel way, her family is always painted as a charming little group (far from it!!!!).
So... how do your Ns relate to their siblings????
Love, Beth

[Certain Hope]

My mother is the oldest of 3 and the only one surviving.

I'd say she tolerated her sister and brother... barely.
Basically, she had no contact with my uncle (the black sheep/loser figure) and I doubt whether she would have ever contacted my aunt (the baby/whiner figure) if she could have avoided it. Since spinster Aunt lived with Grandma all of their lives, she was always a part of the picture... and always a thorn in M's side.

She never has had to speak poorly of anyone, really. One frigidly sour look says it all.

Love,
Carolyn

[gratitude28]

Hmmm.... I think the family dynamics in the N's homes must be screwy... I would guess in most of them at any rate.
NM is always amazed at how close my kids are (it's easy when you aren't comparing them and trying to make one jealous of the other).
Thanks again, Carolyn!!
Love, Beth

[Ami]

Dear Beth
 My M is pathologically jealous of her sister, the Aunt I love so much. In fact, I think that a big part of my M becoming an N was the jealousy to her sister. I think my M's mother was critical and perfectionist,but I don't think she was that abusive to turn s/one in to an N(just arm chair psychology, here).
 My M talks about HOW jealous she was and is of her sister. Her sister IS everything my M is not.
 My Aunt was a wonderful mother and her kids(3) love her.
      Ami


PS My Aunt lives near my M ,but has very little to do with her.
 

[gratitude28]

Yes, Ami, I think my NM may have had some roots in becoming as she is due to jealousy of her sister. Anything my Aunt does, NM has to copy or try to top. My Aunt had 5 children. They had their problems and I don't know that she was the very best mother, but you can tell she loves them. She is one of those people who can accept failures in people - maybe too much so, I think sometimes. But it is so nice to be accepted as you are, I am sure.
Since my Uncle died, my Aunt calls NM frequently, and my NM complains about it - having to talk with her so much. Yet she runs off to reunions... She LOVES to put down various members of the family (all the spouses). I can name negative comments she has made of every single spouse. She has mean little jokes about each of them and most of their children.
That the jealousy was also a factor in her becoming an N is a very good point! Thank you.
Love, Beth

[Lupita]

Hi Beth, I read that there is a stron genetic composition in the development of personality disorders.

But, my mom too, she wants to have what others have. She does not want something of her own, it has to be something that others had. Hmmm, what a coincidence.

She competes with her sisters and sadly, with me too.

I start to see my mom like an alien, a zomby, a non existent object, inanimated, she does not feel, she does not care

[jordanspeeps]

My mother is the oldest of my grandmother's children. She has four half brother and half sisters. My mother has a demeaning, jealousy with her younger sister.  The other sister, closer to my mother in age, and who died eight years ago, seemed to have earned more positive regard. She died of cancer at the young age of 54.  She was a real sweetheart.  My mother was extremely possessive of her around the time of her death.  My mother is also jealous of children, babies, pets, and sick people.  So no big shocker that she has a sick, controlling envy towards her siblings and towards me.

Tiff

[Ami]

It really helps to hear others talk about how jealous their NM was of them. I always felt very alone with this. I felt very set apart from other girls. I felt despair. My M would call me her sister's name.
 I still feel so sad when I think of it.
 Thanks so much for talking  about it.              Ami