Introduction

[Madame Butterfly]

Hello everyone,
I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself.  I feel very fortunate to have found this place.  I just recently have found a name to place on the actions of my mother.  It was an answer I have been searching for more than half of my life...the answer to "why"!  After suffering years of emotional and verbal abuse from her, I ended the relationship.  I feared for my safety as well as my children's.  I haven't regretted a day.  In releasing myself from her I began the process of freeing myself.  It took years of self growth and personal strength, but I have made it to the other side.  Hence my username:Madame Butterfly.  My closest friends who have been with me throughout this process of un-cocooning myself call me this.  It means a great deal to me.  It stands for me finding my own wings and flying my own direction away from my mother.  Every time I see a butterfly I am empowered to fly free myself and spread my message of hope to the world.  I look forward to messaging with you all.  May we all find strength in each other and fly free...

[BlueTopaz]

Welcome Madame Butterfly...

Your message was truly inspiring.  So glad you are in a much better place right now.   It couldn't have been easy, but by the sounds of it, it couldn't be any more rewarding on this other side of things, either.

Congratulations.

BT

[MadameButterfly]

BT,
Thank you.

[flower]

Welcome Madame Butterfly!

I hope to hear more from you on this board. Thirteen years is way ahead of where I am.

 ------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

Does it get any easier through the years? Did she try to get back with you herself or through others? Also I am wondering if you live near your mother?

 ------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

 I hope I can move far away or that she will.

If you feel like giving a little perspective from your journey it would be valuable for me and other board members with NMothers.

My username signifies how I am starting to bloom now that I am free.

[MadameButterfly]

Flower,
It does get easier.  I have to say that my mother has tried to contact me twice in the 13 years.  Because I was unwilling to "play" anymore, she quit trying.  To be quite honest with you I do not know where she is.  The hardest part for me was trying to make sense of it all, and as hard as this is to believe, I just in the last MONTH found a name to put with her actions.  This whole Narcissism thing has been a huge eye opener for me.  It is the answer I have been searching for for half of my life.  No other "disorder" fit, this fits her perfectly.  Breaking away from her, not having any relationship at all, is the only way I survived.  It is the reason I am still here.  She nearly destroyed my life and had it not been for my husband (we celebrate our 20th anniversary this thursday!! ) I would not be here.  He really is a knight in shining armour because he saved me from the nasty dragon! ha  We started dating when I had just turned 15.  
We've been together ever since.  Having support for your decisions is a huge part of this, most people don't understand that you have cut ties with your own mother.  It's not acceptable in our society, unless you've lived in a mess like this, of course.  
I think the best way to move forward is to first believe that YOU deserve it.  And then fight for your freedom and your own identity.  It's one day at a time, kind of thing.  Because I broke free I am and have been able to find a whole new meaning to life.  It's something I just didn't know before.  Over the last 13 years, I have grown in leaps and bounds.  My life has been transformed.  I feel like I have been freed from the black widows web.  And I have no intention to ever have a relationship with her again.  It isn't necessary.  I have other "moms" in my life.  And that is another thing I have learned, to surround myself with people who lift me up, not tear me down.  I steer clear of "emotional vampires", people who want to suck the life right out of you!  
I know I am rambling here, but I just can't say enough about finding your own way, whatever it is.  Do what your heart says do.  You can't go wrong there.      This is your time to "bloom"! I love this quote, I just thought of it as I was thinking of your name, it says: "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" ~Anais Nin
Bloom, Flower, Bloom!

Peace-
Madame Butterfly

[flower]

Thank you Madame Butterfly for the hopeful response!  I found your perspective very helpful. Once again, Welcome to the board!


Congratulations on the 20th anniversary!!!

[MadameButterfly]

Thanks flower!  I am celebrating already...
 

[Feline]

I grew up in the country,and  by our house was a big field. Some years it would be planted with corn or soybeans or alfalfa.. Every few years the farmer would just let it grow wild so the topsoill wouldn't go fallow,

It was one of the wildflower years. The field was blooming with all kinds of weeds and wildflowers that year it was late summer. It was a nice sunny day.I was playing outside and got tired so  I laid on my back and the sun was warm,the sky so blue,the clouds were fluffy  and eventually I  fell asleep in the field. I must have not been out long..

I awoke to tickling.On my face my arms..

I sat up fast and saw there were orange  fluttering things all over the place. As I looked around me I saw they were thousands  of monarch butterflies sitting all over  the field  and perched  on  flowers and all around the area  where I was laying.

I stoodup to see more of  this amazing sight,and they startled I guess, and  suddenly took off almost like a crazy flock of birds, they swarmed  around..I was inside a tornado of  orange butterflies,There were so many  butterflies in this swarm you could hear thier wings beating in the air almost  like the sound of rustling leaves . And they were in my hair and everywhere else , fluttering in a million  different directions. Suddenly these butterflies all seemed at once to move  like they had a psychic link to where they were all heading and got a signal where to go.

Then they all flew and took flight in  the same direction they rushed by me and I watched as they flew around the field like a looping orange river, and  they stopped suddenly and alighted on a bunch of multiflora thorn bushes sprawling  by the edge of the woods in the distance .All the butterflies were  perched there in a mass, opening and closing thier wings in unison. It made the bushes appear to color blink ..Green to orange to green to orange,than as quickly as they appeared  they  all took off in a swirl again, and flew up and over the treeline until they just looked like an orangey puff of smoke.
I will never forget this.I wish so bad I had pictures because it was awesome.


Later when I was a bit older and learned about butterfies in science class and they talked about migrating butterfies ,I realized I was caught in the middle of a monarch butterfly migration, going south.


May the wonders  in you  make your heart 's mystery go  free, like a million loving wings of  little jeweled butterflies you discover  as you awaken are indeed  lifing you out of dispair..
Take care,Feline

[mighty mouse]

Feline,

Your writing is so evocative....!!!!! Splendid.

MM

[les]

Well done Madame Butterfly! Breathtaking writing Feline! and hello again MM!

Les

[Anonymous]

Wow, Feline, if you're not a professional writer, I'd definetly look into it!

Madame Butterfly,  You're an inspiration.  You talked about cutting ties being socially unacceptable.  It's so hard for other people to understand this most powerful need.  I could never go back to the spider web, which is how I, too, described it.  Having the life choked out of me.  It's been 2 years since our blow-out.  During that time, I would try to reconcile, but it was like beating my head against a brick wall.  I gave up last Feb. and will never try again, even though I still fight the feeling to make their lives easier. After all, I'm the healthy one.  I, too, am beginning to surround myself with "blessed friends".  It's a process, but I'm getting there.  My vision of myself is to be in field, wearing a long, filmy, white  dress twirling around joyously.  (Was that a deoderant commercial???) Anyway, I'm looking forward, not backward.  Thanks for inspiring.    Dinn