The Other Shoe Dropped

[ann3]

Hops,

Don't be embarrased.  You're going thru a huge ordeal & it's all so undeserved.

love,
ann

[Gaining Strength]

I'm so self-absorbed right now.  You need to be self-absorbed.  You know - oxygen for yourself first.  You have so much on your plate.  You must take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.  You deserve so much and you deserve to have this burden lifted.

Remember - justone bill at a time.  I have two that I must write tonight.  Thanks for reminding me.  Just one at a time - I have been cleaning one square foot at a time and thanking you every step of the way.  You can break it down and if you get stuck ask what voice, whose voice is causing you to get stuck.  You might be surprised at the answer.  My voice says you can do it and be free from the dark shadow.

Thining of you and thanking you for your help with my piles.  I sorted a whole table piled high this weekend and never got a stomach ache.  That's a first in my entire life.  Next step is doing something witht the  papers and I will do it this time.

Take care - really - take care of yourself - one step - one bill - one paper at a time.  You can do it.

[lighter]

I'm a bit mathphobic myself, Hops.

I understand.

Get a calculator.

Clear a nice clean area to work on, then take it one page at a time.

Is that guest of your's any good at math?

Asking for help isn't wrong.....  sometimes it's just what you need.

I'm glad to see you're focusing on your needs and business.  If you don't..... who will?

Lighter

[miss piggy]

Hey Hops!

I popped into to give you lots of hugs.  Bills and arguments, ugh!

Another strategy for dealing with Mr. BFL (Big Fat Liar) is to document the truth, that is, what you have done in the positive, rather than argue about accusations about his hallucinations etc.  That is, just the facts.  If there is some particularly nefarious position or point he is making, you might have to take that head on (like a political candidate!). 

But remember to act, not react.  I know it's hard when you are on the front lines.  I imagine myself as a matador and need to know when to dance, when to use the cape and let the bull fly by to wear him down, and when to use the picador.  Quite thrilling! 

Take care sweetheart!  MP

[sKePTiKal]

Hi Hops...

you know, Dec 5 is still a ways away. Lots could happen between now & then. Maybe your Mom up & calls your lawyer on her own initiative... and that may/may not be a good thing. Maybe BFL gives up the fight - or is rendered incapable of fighting it through some silly actions of his own... maybe he runs into a bigger stronger foe in some other fight... and has to walk away from this one...

but YOU will have gained mastery, once & for all, over the paperwork bugaboo... and will be qualified to work as a CPA after all this experience! And just think how neat & tidy things will be come tax time next year...

Your BFL seems to expect to be able to make you crazy. Guess he thinks he has that kind of power over you. Poor twit! Expectations are funny things; some people think that expectations = control over others. Their disappointment can be almost comical.

[Ami]

Thinking of you, Hops.I believe in the law"What you sow, you reap."It helps me when I feel betrayed by people. There is a Higher Authority than I.        Ami

[changing]

My Dear Hoppy-

Sorry that you are suffering the described "abuse by court" that was initiated by your brother. It sounds like a harrowing assault,and as Shakespeare wrote regarding "The law's delay" , the painful process to reach justice can be one of the world's most vicious and tragic experiences. Hoppy  iwhat has happened is not due to you or your actions, except for the fact that he is your brother- just like someone in a hurricane does not cause the winds and rain. i am proud of you, that you remain the good and loving person that you are, despite what is going on.

It sounds like a good thing that the interim minister is in the house, as an impediment to Bro if nothing else- and the financial assistance that the minister can provide at this time sounds wonderful. Perhaps the minister can assist in organizing the math items as Miss Lighter suggested, maybe preparing a spread sheet by hand or computer and arranging the receipts or whatever is required. When I was overwhelmed and at an impasse with my paperwork, answering filings, etc recently, Our Izzy walked me through reorganizing my pathetic files. Everything gets complicated and jumbled when one is dealing with snakes in court and the tasks seem endless and impossible. I felt foolish and childish needing such simple guidance, but thanks to Izzy's patience, things have improved so very much ( though I have misplaced an extremely important file last week- hopefully I will find it in the weekend) I actually enjoy the files now (sounds rather sick, doesn't it?!?!?!) You can do this Hoppy !!!!! Just do what you can in segments and enjoy- no more saying nasty things to and about yourself!!!!! You can do this!!!!

Remember Darling Hoppy- the abuser seeks to take or destroy what you value the most...it is not you that caused the problem, it is simply their own inexorable process!!!! Give yourself a nice pat on the back and credit for the strength and courage that you have displayed, and for your resilience in dealing with this insidious blight!!!!! And give yourself a break- you cannot fight interminably without refreshment, and you will be the sharper for a period of rest and peace.

Have a lovely holiday !!!!

Peace and Love to You Hoppy,

Changing

[Overcomer]

Hops:  This reminds me of how everything works.  You pray for more patience and God gives you an impossible mother who tries your patience.  You need more organizational skills and you are handed a situation which demands you to be more organized and with a DEADLINE to boot!!

I agree with someone above you suggested you continue to be your nice self.  If you turn and play the same game as your bro then it just becomes a mess.  You know?  It is no crime to be unorganized........as long as you provide loving care for your mom then who cares if there is a stack of papers.

I did something that helps me so much.  My kids bought me an ipod.  I downloaded every single song from my past that I love.  Most are very upbeat and just get me to dancing.  When I put that ipod on and go into the garage it is amazing how much work I get accomplished.  (the neighbors probably think I am crazy....a 48 year old woman dancing around the garage.)  But last week I took back $20 worth of cans and got most of my books inside.  I swept and threw a bunch of stuff away.  I gave myself permission to only do this side......so I wasn't overwhelmed by the whole thing!!

[alone48]

Hops,

I am so sorry you are going through this and I can directly relate. An N spreading lies is a terrible thing.....so hard to believe so many people get duped. I will pray for you, so far it has worked for me....I'll just keep praying.

[sea storm]

Dearest Hoppy,

Thank goodness you can be objective about nasty brother's behaviour when you need to be.  He is showing all the signs of being an out of control/ control freak. Not a pretty picture.  You can complain all you need to. This is a big, nasty, insidious, dragging on nightmare.  Probably about his unmet infantile needs but nevertheless, he is bringing his best, adrenalized self to the battle and doesnt seem to have the conscience gene. 
Continue to ask for help, please.  I am with you for sure and there are many others here too.  Some of us care and some of us have knowledge that may help you.

Lot of love,

Sea storm

[changing]

My Dear Hoppy-

Thank you for this thread- it gave me a renewed incentive to get cracking this past week ( I found the missing file!!!) Hope you had a lovely holiday and are being good and kind to yourself.

Love You,

Changing