My mother the rescuer-who does not rescue.......

[Overcomer]

Story.............my mom has been in contact with a former employee.  She has struggled with anorexia and bulimia for years.  For the past 1 1/2 years the 38 year old girl has been in the hospital.  My mom went to the hospital and signed her out and offered her to stay in their basement.

I told my mom that what she was doing was a huge responsibility.  The gal was supposed to weigh 130.  So I told my mom..........."If she is living in your house for free then you need to set a boundary and ask her to step on the scale each week...."  Mom wouldn't.  She didn't feel it was her place.

So the gal has lived there 3 months.  My mom has been gone most of the time.  I just shake my head at the irresponsibility of my mom.

So the stuff hit the fan.  The gal was caught stealing food from our coffee shop.  She had stole food from my parent's fridge.  My mom called her parents and they took her to the hospital and she weighed in at 90.......now the girl is still at my mom's house and rather than staying there with her until her parents make other arrangements, my mom comes into the store.......she cannot handle taking care of her.  Or my dad.  Or my gram.

She had my ex boyfriend living there a few years ago.  He worked at our store.  He hid in their basement.  He didn't not come into work for three weeks straight.  When I told him she needed to fire him, she tried to turn the tables on me and called me a jilted lover who held sour grapes.  It was MY problem in her eyes.  Can anyone else see that it was HER problem with boundaries?  She picks up strays and then does not hold them accountable for their behavior.....

She is SICK!!

[Ami]

I see her problem,Kelly. I think you should trust your instincts. You seem to have very good insights, to me.
 I have always felt that way about you. You seem very grounded in your feelings, but don't trust them. That is the biggest "flaw" I see in you, not trusting your own compass.
          Ami

[Overcomer]

Yes, Miss Ami, but isn't it true that the Ns invalidate you AND your feelings?  My mom has always made me doubt myself.  It is just in the last couple of years that I have discovered that she is actually the screwed up one projecting her screwed upness on me!!

My dad told me he told my mom to stop picking up strays....

[Ami]

I,totally,understand your dilemma,Kelly. We had our feelings so undermined that we do not know up from down.For me, I am trying to mine my deep feelings and share them with s/one who will not push me  away as many people will do. I feel hopeful that I can regain trust in myself, again.
 Having an NM is such a curse, as we know.
            Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

I cannot wait for the new book by Karen McBride..............Never Good Enough..........I think?  It comes out in September and she interviewed me for the book!!  I will post it note my story and stick it in my mom's office (the office that she is supposed to move out of and let me in!!)

[miss piggy]

Hello OC,

I'm new so I don't know the whole background, but does your mom live with your dad?  If not, does she live alone?  Is she afraid to be alone?  I have two family members who have masked this aspect of their personality for years and years and years.  They hate being alone, even if they don't necessarily want your company.  They need someone around for very reasons unknown.  Anyone will do.  Just a thought.

Careful though.  When confronted with that bit of reality, they absolutely FREAK OUT about being found out.  That said, are your mother's strays really a problem you need to solve? 

[Overcomer]

No, she lives with my dad and has a pretty busy life.................so she lets these needy people into her home and then basically abandons them.  When they do not get well, she wants to send them off to Teen Challenge or something like that.  My mom knows no boundaries.......so she let's people in but does not set boundaries with them......something like........if you are going to live here free of charge, I need for you to step on the scale once a week so I can be sure you are keeping your weight up......simple.....to the point................but no!!