I realized I had "found" my father years ago when I first read about Malignant Narcissism. I have also called him a sociopath--I believe he is. He tried to murder my mother in a way that would have made my brothers witnesses to his "innocence." They were far more savvy than he realized, and my oldest brother caught him at it and stepped in. The amazing thing is that for the past thirty years, this was never spoken of. Finally my mother said to him, "I wanted to thank for that day at-" and he finished the sentence with the location. Not a word, for thirty years, and it was so close to the surface that she could have been talking about anything and yet could only have been talking about that one thing, even after all that time.
You are right, though, Hops, regarding happiness. I made a decision not to marry or have children, because I honestly did not know--did not know, 100%, without question, that I could be sure of not passing on whatever gene made him what he is. This is something I have never regretted. Being in love would be (and has been) wonderful, but it takes a very special sort of man. In the meantime I've learned ways to access the joy in me, meet my own needs that way, to not run from sadness but to not run from happiness either.