What would YOU have done.

[James]

Izzy...No doubt your willingness to explore yourself and speak up at times may very well have rattled their repressed traumas and then their latent anger forces them to scapegoat you in order to soothe their emotions inside all the while making accusations that may support their hostilities which very easily might prove untrue. I wouldn't try and explain any of this to them they not be receptive at all and you can't make a person understand anyway, unless they are willing to learn and experience for themselves. More than likely the abuse left all the children in your family feeling like they're bad and scapegoating IMO can be a form of denying these very painful feeling as they split off these and project onto the "bad" scapegoat. This is what the N does......James

[Izzy_*now*]

Yes Jim

I expect my search into my life would be a rattling thing for them, and I doubt anyone would follow my lead, as that would show that s/he also has issues with the past and would have to take back all their 'lies' about how they had put the past behind and that our parents were good people and did no harm! They would have to admit to scapegoating me from the time I was little.

Our parents were 'good people', granted, but they had their issues as well from their upbringing.  Their issues affected all of us!

Izzy
thanks for your insight.

[James]

I expect my search into my life would be a rattling thing for them, and I doubt anyone would follow my lead, as that would show that s/he also has issues with the past and would have to take back all their 'lies' about how they had put the past behind and that our parents were good people and did no harm! They would have to admit to scapegoating me from the time I was little. Hi Izzy.......It sounds like your sibilings are in as much denial as mine are. I don't know about you but I tried for years to establish some kind of honest dialogue, now I don't try anymore and I do feel better. It feels strange and lonely sometimes when I think of growing up with these people and then realizing how little they really cared and know about me. Distance and acceptance of what happened is proving to be the best solution to my family problems. I have one sister who is slightly aware of what happened but unfortunately I still remain the scapegoat in her eyes and we don't speak anymore. As to the rest of my family they won't look at the truth b/c this would involve searching their own past and thats something they fear so I get the impression that it's easier to deny me and make me look bad than face what happened. Oh, BTW way they do this in such a "nice" way that for a long time I actually almost believed them. Not anymore...Thanks Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi James
You speak to me as though you already knew my life and it has helped more than you know. Thank you.

This last post has everything in it that I have felt.

EDIT} At the outset I was approaching everything as though they were all normal and I was the dysfunctional one. It all fits so much better when I view it from the other perspective.

Thanks
Izzy