I don't know a title for this....

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi all

Recent activities with my temporary Therapist, who I am seeing to validate all the results of my self-searching are paying off.

Thanks to James , too, for his insight to the dynamics of my family, who I have come to believe are still living with unresolved issues from childhood and from stress related illnesses. I doubt any of them (4 siblings) would understand if I were to try to explain, so I keep this between my daughter and me, which has brought about a better understanding of our relationship, and more honesty has been coming from each to the other.

I sent D a lengthy email with more information than before and hoped  her answer would not contain any criticism or support of her Aunts and Uncles over my distressful upbringing. She answered with a lengthy mail and more understanding than before, as well as more information from her. She questioned a couple of things and I answered with another lengthy mail to comment on hers  and to better explain where she questioned.

We spoke much of memories and each sent our own memories of the incident, proving that everyone’s perception is not the same. In fact I had mentioned an event and the disharmony surrounding it, but she said there had to be a gap in my writing, like I wasn’t telling all, so in return I mentioned that she was there and she answered with a ha ha  The joke’s on me remark.

She can now see that after everything, her N-husband only added to my distress and now he has taken their second son from her, bought with a motorcycle, and now wants her to pay support for him,. She said Like Hell…as he owes her 3 years back support.

She misses her sons and has her daughter only part time because of her D’s boyfriend

She has a hypnotherapy business and can hypnotize herself….which I don’t understand but will take her word… as she  “went inside’ and fixed her back pain, L4-5 degenerative discs and is now pain free. Next trip is into her eye.

She has a good life being a midwife, too, and bringing life into the world, but she has her sad issues too but she is strong and persistent like her mother and will learn to live with them, as we all have to learn to live with an unsolvable, or irreparable, issue in our lives.

Nothing is perfect, but I feel as though I have improved 100% from being here

Thanks everyone

Love
Izzy

                   

[Hopalong]

I think the title for this is

love and honesty

What a wonderful post, Izz. I am so glad for you and your D. You are an amazaing person and you have passed it on.

xxoo
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

Thank you, Hops

I appreciate the kudos. I never thought I would make it to this point when she married 24 years ago, or when I was banished 17 years ago.

And I don't even hate him, but no soft spots in my heart for him...EVER.... as he is still messing with her life.

Love
Izzy

[axa]

Hello there Izzy,

I am so pleased to read about you and your daughter.  There was a lovely gentleness in your post along with the honesty.  Thanks for posting about it.

axa xxx

[teartracks]

Hi Iz,

I'm so happy for you and your daughter.  It has been an honor to be here with you.  You've done the board good!

Love,

tt

[Izzy_*now*]

Thank you axa and teartracks

I appreciate your responses.

I recall when I was young that my mother made unkind remarks about her sister, my Aunt, in my presence although I cannot remember if she was addressing me. I do recall feeling uncomfortable about this because I liked my Aunt.  Some of the remarks were about her being ;dirty; but she was a farmer's wife and worked just as hard on the farm as my Uncle did, or than Mom ever did and mom did alot of hard work I expect, until we girls could all walk.

Also my Aunt began to put on weight from the time she married, so when she was 39 she looked 'odd' to Mom who then asked if she was pregnant., and suggested she see a doctor. Sure enough! She was 8 months pregnant and had a baby in a month. She thought it was menopause. Mom ridiculed her for that. I felt uncomfortable about that as well, as it felt as though this was an unwanted child.

I remember John with his Mom and one could tell they loved one another very much....something one couldn't see in our home.

So to ever say anything against my siblings, my D's Aunts and Uncle, was out of the picture for me.

Now I have let her know some things they did thay I had never told before, and realized that her understanding the truth, whatever she thought of it in the long run, was more important to me than leaving them on some so-called pedestal.

She wrote this, and it is something we all believe" I think you have done the right  thing in creating some distance from them, because it's important for us to surround ourselves with people who are good for us. "

Thanks again
Love
Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

hi again,

Something I wanted to point out, if I haven't, is that the 4 years living with the N out here are nothing now. I have barely referred to him with this Therapist.

My life then with N rages was so like being a child again. I noted this a number of times, how my insides just pulled all of me into a ball in my centre and I had no response, was not able to fight back, just like my fear of my father.  I was filled with confusion.

That was a 'meant-to-be" period that brought back to me the full force of my childhood so that I could better examine it and reach my conclusions, and better know what my D went through with her N husband.

So the upshot is that all is still focused on my family and no one else. It was they who I, in trying to please them and be loved, faced and they were all dysfunctional too. I was even nervous as a mother, as I felt I would receive criticism there as well.

I expected criticism even to bake a pie to take to a family gathering.  I also recall one sister telling me that I was a mother now and ought not to wear my baseball jacket and slim jims.

Well she is a mother too and I have seen her looking sporty in her ski outfit, sheesh!

Some things just come to mind when I hear from friends back there. D's caregiver back when just wrote and my reply reminded me of things again.

Izzy

[lighter]

You seem to have a pretty clear vision of your life, Izz.

About your sister's skinny jeans and ball jacket comment...

do you think she wanted you to fear criticism, and doubt yourself, as a parent?

Or..... do you think it was about something else?  herself, maybe?


Lighter

[Hopalong]

Felt good to read such a close description of your emotions, Izz:

My life then with N rages was so like being a child again. I noted this a number of times, how my insides just pulled all of me into a ball in my centre and I had no response, was not able to fight back, just like my fear of my father.  I was filled with confusion.

I'm sorry they were such painful ones.

Others are out there, I mean in there.

love to you,
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

 Hi lighter and Hops,
I lost my beginning.................


Yes. I finally feel I am getting a grasp on life, but then I went into a bad coughiing spell on Oct 26---so much so that my brain exploded, so I stopped taking all my meds except for diazepam (been on it for almost 39 years, Feb/70) addicted, but they didn't know, only 7½ mg per day now. (One guy, broken neck, in Rehab was on 80 mg when I was on 30 mg per day in there. Wonder if he ever flipped?)

I now feel more clear-eaded, the 4-6 years of dry coughing has stopped, the dry mouth is gone, the sour taste in my mouth has gone. I have dropped about 10# in 1½ weeks. wks from not nibbling on salsa, B&B pickes and other things to relieve the bad taste.

I FEEL GREAT, but tested my BP on a pharmacy machine and am 199/100 so if I don't get to the Dr. to report all this and die of a stroke or a heart attack, at least I will feel damned good when I go!

Hang in there, both of you. Have read your stuff

Love
Izzy

[lighter]

Get thyself to the doctor, Izz.

Hugs and continued wishes for serenity and health.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

dittos to Miz Izzz...doctor please.

Lighter, I'm sorry I haven't asked in so long...how you are.
How the girls are.

Whatever update you can give.

I've been pretty self absorbed, I'm sorry.

Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

lighter and Hops

I will go to the Dr. I wasn't born yesterday, but....
One med I dropped was costing me $170 + per month, so I have spent over $4,000.00, out of pocket, as it is not covered, as are my others.

Since I dropped the BP meds and this one at the same time, I see I don't need this costly one. No more burning pain in 2 weeks off that med. I am expecting that the BP meds caused the burning pain and this costly med was the only one to stop it.

Dr. never checked out a possible reaction from his choice. It came to me and I must call the pharmacies, do my detective work before I go! Wouldn't you? instead of taking Dr.s word again????????? Pause-to-think is an HSP trait.

Izzy Hs.P

[lighter]

Izz:

I always say a 2nd opinion is a good thing and I always ask the Pharmacist about drug interactions.

I also ask a couple buddies, in medical field, to clue me in about something they might get, that I missed.  I've had docs try to prescribe mixtures of drugs to a friend that would have killed him, had pharmacist not caught it. 

You can't be too careful.

Also, I remember working at a ped office when a doc prescribed ear medicine for a baby.....

the child had an eye infection

Can you imagine the horror the mother felt when she realized she'd been holding her infant down, forcing painful meds into his eyes..... ?

Must be sooooo careful.  ::nod::

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Izz...
These folks are pretty responsible in their approach, and some of these things (the DASH diet of course) might be helpful, as well as waaaaaaay less expensive...

http://wholehealthmd.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?sid=289953EC31774581A350521638E25DDF&nm=Healing+Centers&type=AWHN_HealingCenters&mod=Home&tier=2&id=22B49615684B469E87090E45A01B3668

lots of love,
Hops