Never thought I could do this

[flower]

I really am moving on...We received four letters from Nmom yesterday, each addressed to different family members, my children included. I burned the letters in the woodstove, unopened.

celebrating a new stage....

flower - I have a woodstove and I'm not afraid to use it -- even when the house is already 80 degrees inside.

[Curious]

Didn't you post this yesterday?

[Curious no more]

I did!  

[Anonymous]

Hi Flower:

You did what needed to be done and it wasn't easy, I think I hear you saying that?

Now, it feels good to have accomplished doing something so hard for you (from the title of this thread)?

Flower, congratulations!  That's fantastic!  It took guts!  And you did it without getting into some heavy duty self-criticism.  You feel good about your step forward?   And so you should, so you should, Flower.

Good for you.  Next time, if there is one, will be easier, and so on.

For me, I wish so much that I would receive a letter and so to think of buring it, well, that's just a traumatic thought!  So I really see how much courage and determination and resolve, how much logical thinking and how much emotional preparation that took, Flower.

I'm happy for your accomplishment.  That wasn't easy!  Way to go!

s

[Anonymous]

Flower,

Good for you. Just because some nut sends letters doesn't mean you're obligated to read them. Do you open every single piece of junk mail you get? Her mail is the same thing. Out it goes.

Keep up the good work!

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hi flower,

     

Kind of liberating, isn't it?  To think "hey, I don't have to --- ".  

Someone put it to me this way: if you put your hand on the stove and it gets burned, don't do it again!!   This comment makes it so much easier for me to understand my own new actions and decisions.  

Good for you for burning these new invasions.  Peace, Seeker

[Ellie]

Flower, Congrats for the strength!

Today is my Nmom's b-day. I have not sent a card nor will I call. This is my defiance to let her know I will no longer participate in her sick world.

Ndad got upset when I didn't acknowledge his b-day last year. It'll be interesting to see if a family member tries to get me to contact Nmom like a niece did with Ndad last year.

Seeker said:

Kind of liberating, isn't it? To think "hey, I don't have to --- ".

Oh yea - very liberating! Wish I had done this many years ago - but no time like the present! We can't go backwards, but we can determine to control our future!

[Lizbeth]

Kudos to you, Flower.

Maybe you should invest in a shredder, that way you won't worry about having to heat the house up.  It's also a good thing to shred junk mail and credit cards, statements, those unasked for checks sent, because of increasing identity theft and credit card fraud.  

Lizbeth

I really am moving on...We received four letters from Nmom yesterday, each addressed to different family members, my children included. I burned the letters in the woodstove, unopened.

celebrating a new stage....

flower - I have a woodstove and I'm not afraid to use it -- even when the house is already 80 degrees inside.

[Ellie]

OOOH, a shredder would be a great idea! You could shred the cards and letters, then celebrate by throwing them like confetti! That's a celebration!

And if you ever needed to send a package to your Nmom, you could use the shredding for packing material. That would be funny!

[Lizbeth]

You could also shred the unopened letters and mail them back to her.   It bugs me to think these N's feel they "got their message across" by sending letters or whatever, knowing (in their self-centered mind) they would be read (how could anyone dare not?).  Sending things back unopened stops that idea (though I know it probably feeds them N supply in some other way).  

Sending Hubby's N'mother's birthday present back, unopened, with a letter threatening her with harassment charges if she tried to contact him again in any way felt very good, and it seems to have worked.

OOOH, a shredder would be a great idea! You could shred the cards and letters, then celebrate by throwing them like confetti! That's a celebration!

And if you ever needed to send a package to your Nmom, you could use the shredding for packing material. That would be funny!

[ListNewbie]

It was worth noting someplace in the world that yea! I burned the letters and the world was still here the next day and I didn't get struck with lightning. Someone out there might be considering the idea of shredding correspondence and at least they will see that someone else has reached that point. It took me two years of gradual reduction of contact to reach this point.

Yes, and I just want to say THANKS. It's good to see that you were able to reach that point, and there's no lightning. Externally or internally. I doubt very much I could do that yet - but hearing how you dealt with your N's letters makes me think - "Hey! That's a POSSIBILITY! Yay!!"

Having a shredder sounds great though... I have a feeling I'd have so much fun with a shredder, I'd shred things I didn't need to: take out menus, newspaper, my tax return...  
(Not such a) ListNewbie (anymore)

[Lizbeth]

Flower, I like that idea of shredding miserable or unwanted thoughts.  Wish there was something we could buy to do that!

As for physical things, I bought a replacement shredder recently for home office use that not only shreds 25 pages of paper at a time, it also shreds credit cards and CD's/DVD's.

Shredding is a good idea for thos unwanted bank checks and credit card offers that come in the mail, lots of fraud done that way.

Speaking of fraud, I had a $1811 charge show up on one of my credit card statements this month, from a store in florida I had never heard of (a wallpaper store).  I live in NJ.  This card was in my possession, in fact, both cards were in my safe where I keep cards I am not using, I have been paying this one off in order to cancel it.  Well, immediately we cancelled the card (there was still some credit available on it) and have sent in the dispute form after calling the company.  Some sort of fraud was done, probably from an old receipt or on line transaction I did quite awhile back.  Will be interested to see if they find out who did it.  My N son lives in Florida, and I used this card two years ago when I visited him before a cruise.  Wonder if he somehow got a hold of a receipt.  I have no idea where he is in Florida, it could be just a coincidence.  And what a weird thing to buy on fraud, walllpaper.

Lizbeth

Thanks everyone for all the responses.   Liked those shredding ideas.  

I think I'll get a  shredder as soon as I can and have a little fun. Might have a few old N cards or letters around the house.


I want to say that I think MM is one of a few posters that first inspired me that I could someday dispose of N letters before reading. Thanks MM.


What else can we shred..hmm..
I think I'll envision  mental and emotional shredders  to take care of the stray unrealistic thoughts and emotions about my parents that might sneak up on me. heh heh

flower

[mighty mouse]

Hi Flower,

I'm glad the shredding (or burning in your case) worked. I just love my shredder!! And you're welcome.

MM

[Lizbeth as Guest]

Fortunately, I won't be responsible for the charge, especially since I had the cards in my possession.  That is why we must always guard our receipts and check our bills carefully each month.  You only have 60 to 90 days (depending on the company) to dispute a charge.

Have fun mentally shredding.

Lizbeth



.[/quote]

This situation sounds like the pits. Wallpaper... that is weird. That's too bad about your son. We keep having weird circumstances where we can't figure out who did what too. I guess that is just life with an N and life in general. Going to shred the perplexity upset emotion here on the latest strange circumstance a couple days ago...Ieee![/quote]