Author Topic: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!  (Read 5802 times)

Izzy_*now*

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Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« on: April 12, 2009, 12:00:10 PM »
In emails with this sister and words of caring and sharing from afar, she answered with odds and ends and then this:

For instance, I dearly love (our brother), yet I have not even sent an e-mail to ask him how he is recovering from shingles, and I have not sent my dear niece, (my Daughter), an e-mail asking about her broken back from when she fell off the roof in January.  That doesn’t mean I don’t care at all.

This is a mind boggler! My mother, me, my daughter, all in a wheelchair ? No one told me, not even she! and I am wondering to her "what is wrong" when she didn't view the albums that arrived after Christmas, and had stopped intermittment writing until she asked for her personal information for a long form birth certificate! She said "Nothing is wrong!"

I need help before I make a move!

She NEVER told me. No one did, until a slip in my sister's email, and we were discussing, Caring and Support from afar.

At this point I do not know if the spinal cord was affected. If not, I know of someone who healed and back to nomal in 8 months. If so, then there will be paralysis of full are partial limitation, when healed and rehabilitated.

Please advise me. I know not what to do!--[Edit--or where she is as she set up a new email and I'm sure it was about this time]

IN SHOCK!
and Concern
Izzy
« Last Edit: April 12, 2009, 12:02:16 PM by Izzy_*now* »
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

teartracks

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2009, 03:03:29 PM »




Dearest Iz,

You must be in a terrible fit of worry.

I can't imagine the depth of the many emotions you must be experiencing.   I don't even know what to say.  It's all so shocking.  There just aren't words to offer up that can touch it all.  Please know that I care and I'm so sorry.

I so hope your daughter is doing OK.  I too have heard of broken backs healing just fine.

How did your sister find out?

You CAN find out where your daughter is with an online search, but surely there's a way to connect with her about this aside from through the back door.

I'm in the reactive mode about this right now.

I'm speechloess, and apalled and shocked at it all.

Love,
tt

Hopalong

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2009, 05:49:43 PM »
Is there a chance your sister is being dramatic?
"Broken back" can mean a broken vertebra that then heals...

Lord I hope so.

I am sure if something has happened your D didn't want to worry you...
but it's awful you didn't know.

I'm just saying you DON'T KNOW whether she's wheelchair bound,
or whether she had a month in bed...

Please ask your sister to tell you what happened.

I'm so sorry Izz...try not to painic over it, you don't need panic.

But Lord, woman. You have had quite ENOUGH to deal with this week.

love and support and comfort---------breathe breathe breathe.

I think meditation is in order. Seriously.

Me too.

love to you,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2009, 06:02:22 PM »
TT

The thing is, I have been receiving emails and just 2 days ago, this short one:
Mom:
 I am glad to hear you are home safe and almost sound, your femur excepted.  I am sorry to hear you are in such pain.  I hope you get well soon.
 A


If she fell in January, and has never mentioned a broken back, I don't know what this means? She's never mentioned.  I am at my wit's end, that she wouldn't want me to know, yet the thing is, I couldn't do ANYTHING there that I can't do from here .....words and worry only.

So I am in denial of a sort, like on a tightrope. If it is a healable break and back to normal, she will be fine, but if the spinal cord is involved there could be temporary to permanent paralysis and I don't know.

My sister let it slip and I replied mentioning this and asked if it were a slip.......... because I hadn't known.

Now I await a reply from my sister, and she will reply but I know is celebrating Easter Sunday. I won't call until I find out if my D wants me to know! That just seems like the right way to handle it if she will be better and KNOWS that I cannot go back there for her and be useless if I did! I have too much respect for people's wishes and if this is hers I will respect them and she will be better before Christmas and tell me all!........?

I feel as though in la-la -land, but if my sister knows, then so do others back in Ontario and I expect all have agreed not to tell me out here in BC.

Do you know why anyone would apply for a long form birth certificate? She emailed me for answers to many questioins on Jan 30 and prior to that was an email that states:

have been busy puttering and swimming at the pool and spending time at the gym... got out of the habit in the fall and am trying to get back into it.

Hang on, new email from sister--

Oh my bad but good!!!!

I sent A. an e-mail that you had been hurt and she phoned me to find out details.  She told me then about her accident.  I believe that there is no neurological damage.  A. is in a body cast and will be able to return to work in August.  She can move about now but gets tired after a couple of hours.

I think the ladder slipped on ice that A. didn’t see and fell out from under her.  She landed in a semi-sitting position, causing a fracture of two vertebrae, T12 and L1.  She did not need surgery nor does she have any spinal cord damage. 

I asked her if you knew, since you hadn’t mentioned it, and she said she hadn’t been talking to you and I asked if I ought to tell you and she had no objection.  I had that uppermost in my mind to tell you when you let me know that you were home, but so much time passed before I heard from you  that I didn’t realize I hadn’t told you.  I apologize for that; it must have come as quite a shock.  Your prayers regarding no spinal cord injury have been answered.  But, as you say, there will be a long healing process and you, of all people, will know how tough that will be for A. and – by extension – for you.
 

Well, by cracky, she is her mother's daughter. We don't waste $$$ on the telephone and to never have hers answered would be par for her busy days. However, to never answer mine would raise a flag, after a few days.

hiya Hops

I saw you get in there. As you can see, it was a slip and with so little info I stayed in denial until I heard. Three hours difference, so Sis is eating dinner with her family and wouldn't be checking emails. now she has cleared it up.

Just as we all would hope for, after the words 'broken back'.

If she had been paralysed, her emails would not have arrived on their semi steady basis. She would have been in hospital on a strycker  frame, and far more distraught than thinking, "This,too, shall heal!"

Thank you both for your kind words. I have to wait a bit so that I don't become overwrought on the phone with the up, down and up of today.

Love all
Izzy




"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

teartracks

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2009, 06:56:07 PM »



((((((((((((((((((Iz & Daughter))))))))))))))))))),

As you shake all of this new and better news out and put it in the best possible perspective.

I feel so helpless to say the right thing.

Love,
tt


lighter

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2009, 10:19:48 AM »
Lordy, Izz.... what a fright.

Glad to hear your daughter will heal.

It would have been nice to hear it in a less dramatic way, however.

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2009, 12:03:57 PM »
Hi all,

This drama was uncalled for, from whomever's opinion. I suspect my sister has heard wrong or switched proper terms,

D's T12 anf L1 vertebra were fractured--to me is different than a broken.

She is not in a body cast, but a brace, and is recovering nicely.

I suspect we can say it was a close call but the need for this drama just made it worse, as she sent a very cool response to me over all the questions and concerns

(I've had a fractured ankle, so hospital wrapped in in a tensor bandage. I've had a broken ankle and it was  casted.)

Heard in a less dramatic, yet nonchalant way---right!
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

sKePTiKal

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2009, 01:11:04 PM »
OY, Izzy.......
just OY.

I'm speechless.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

debkor

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2009, 02:30:52 PM »
Izzy,

First I am relieved to hear that your D will make a full recovery.  Thank God.


You have had a hella two weeks Izzy. 

There is a lot of recovery going on for quite sometime Iz for you Physical and Emotional.  There is also for your D.
It was a terrible way for you to find out what has happened and a Shock and it hurts. 

There is so much damage that has happened All Around and Many things that have been worked out talked about and somethings yet to be.

Inbetween a Trauma/Injury to you both.  You as Mom always will worry and have concern even if your D was 107 years old.  And as strong as you are Izzy so is your D.  You said it, She is her Mothers D. 

She is taking care of her recovery with...I am fine, Cooly..Nonchalant...it is what it is and God Knows what really is going through her (emotions).  I'm sure they are on a daily basis Ups and Downs.  She may be depressed, angry, tired and simply don't want to talk about it.  It's been a Trauma. 

And it feels Shitty to be met so Cooly...and to the point with Facts.. but sometimes that is all they can do.  They just don't want to talk about it and have 2,000  question concerned worried Mom being a pain in thier Ass even though we need to have our Concern's met. They just can't do it at the moment.

Oh Izzy I was told by my S before he was put on a helicopter he Hated Me.  He did not.  He hated everything that has happened to him and I got blasted and had to take it for he was in Great Pain in all Ways.

I was also met cooly with his last recent injury.  I had 8 zillion questions and out of my mind with worry which was a Pain in the Ass to him because he just didn't want to talk about it.  He was still healing and still Injured *emotional* long after he healed physical.

Give it some Time Izzy as Sucky as This Feels at the moment...You both need to Heal from *Shock* alone on top of everything else.

Love to you Izzy
Deb

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2009, 03:02:01 PM »
Thanks
tt
Mo2
PR and
deb.


I copied my D's reply to my sister, noting that I felt it cool.

She replied with:
Well, I am glad that you and A. have been in touch.  One can do only the best one can do at any given time.

Sis told me broken back...cast

A. said fracture..brace

Sis did not mention the difference, nor that A had improved, or anything....................... nothing other than the above.

Are there 'good' people out there who lie, exaggerate, modify, whatever on a steady basis to protect their own image? I expect the answer is yes!

Had Sis repeated correctly, in her shoes I'd have said, "Great! Now that is an improvement since I talked with her".

xx
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

lighter

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2009, 04:06:01 PM »
Izzy.... it really sounds like your sister's emotionally distanced from everyone and everything.

That she doesn't understand it and can't figure it out...... but realizes something's askew.

She probably wasn't listening closely when your d was explaining what was going on.

I can't think she knew how much pain and upset she caused when she flippantly wrote out the wrong information.

I really don't think she's aware of what she does.


Izzy_*now*

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2009, 04:33:15 PM »
I cannot disagree with you, Mo2

...so with all the work I've been doing on myself, I have made the comment on and off. Maybe they (the siblings) are the "off" ones, not me.  Or maybe we were all 'off' and I am the only one ro recognize it.

If Sis is not seeing things from an emotional POV, then that would be why she might have thought it unnecessary to bring A. to me more than once, 40 years ago.

"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

debkor

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2009, 04:35:06 PM »
Izzy,

I am thinking *ditto* with Mof2.

Deb

debkor

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2009, 06:15:50 PM »
Hey Iz,

Yes I do believe that is so. 

I'm starting to think Izzy that her taking care of your D in every day life, food, clothing, ect maybe was what she thought taking care of your * Needs even emotional needs* was.  I know it sounds strange but truly she knows nothing on how to show them.  I don't think she's void of them Iz. 

How do you show what you were not taught you CAN or that you Even know how to get it out there? 

Quote
For instance, I dearly love (our brother), yet I have not even sent an e-mail to ask him how he is recovering from shingles, and I have not sent my dear niece, (my Daughter), an e-mail asking about her broken back from when she fell off the roof in January.  That doesn’t mean I don’t care at all.

I could be crazy here but this sounds to me like *remorse* and the best she can do because she pretty much to (me) as I see it is saying She SUCKS at *emotional support* does not know how to express it and is sorry for this.  And that something is Off with her Expressing iit but not in those exact words.   She is still a long way OFF and distant from Most Probably her own emotional POV never mind anyone else's.

I think you Izzy may be bringing out that it's alright to examine *emotions* as distance they might be to her...Does it not seem that she is starting to think about things?  No?

I don't know. What do I know.

Just thinking.

Love
Deb




Izzy_*now*

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Re: Oh No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2009, 08:20:04 PM »
Interesting Deb,

VERY!


I sure see your point. My 3 sisters are alike. When far younger I had emotional needs, love, caring, support, from parents and siblings, but I was looked upon as strange, became a loner and no one acknowledged me. I was the scapegoat, and thought all along that I was the odd one.

I have gone from therapist to therapist in search of where I'd gone wrong...and a few times wondered why "they had it all and I had nothing but their taunts."

As in my previous post, I wonder if things were crossed up?

I recall another sisiter saying I don't LOVE all of you, but I do care.

Back to this sis, she wrote to me over this incident,"You don't deserve this!" I take that as support.

I'm not quite sure why, but that meant something to me.

"I'm sorry about your leg" is not much, and you wouldn't believe the # of folks who forget that a car----a killing machine--hit me!

MO2 saying something like
I'll be there
to comb your hair
and bring you Ice cream on a stick.
is good. Coming from a distance to make me feel better,

......knowing what someone might need and expressing (or doing) same?

Did she 'love' my daughter for 2½ months in 1969, or just feed and clothe her, and afford her a bed....?

(Blood--don't you just hate it when it's on your apron, then in your veggie bowl, and you don't know the origin.)

A girl-friend coming every week to wash my hair, when I couldn't, knowing how much it would mean to me. Good eh?

Keep thinking deb and keep talking
Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"