Frustration with a Friend

[Ami]

Dear Lighter,
   I wanted to add something that I think helped to make   my kids empathic, I let them know how I was feeling-- in an honest way. I let them know that I was frustrated , insecure, etc. I did not just hide my feelings or displace them on to them or something else
   My kids are very empathetic about  hurting people. My younger one(golden) works in soup kitchens, and Habitat for Humanity,  while he is in college..My older one  gives money to help single mothers or other hurting people at work.
  I think that I,intuitively, did this right -- with them                             Love  Ami

[BonesMS]

Bones...I'm very touched by your feeling a commitment to an elderly woman with Alzheimer's who a family friend but not a relative.

Can I come live in your village when I'm old? We all need to look out for each other like that.

love
Hops

   Thanks, Hops!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

Bones..... I'm curiouse.

What was your friend's mother like, in your opinion?

The song...."if ya want nice kids.... be nice to your kids" comes to mind.

She seems to have raised some very selfish N'ish children.

From where you sat as a child, and with some hindsight, what happened?  In your opinion.

I'm raising children now.  I want them to be confident and strong.... able to create and defend healthy boundaries.

I don't want them to be pushy and mean, selfish and unable to form loving human bonds and unable to feel  appropriate responsibility towards loved ones. And require it for themselves.

My feeling is that people are born with a certain character and parents either minimize it or make it larger.

What do you think?

From what I know over the years, the father was VERY N-ish.  He might have had full-blown NPD.  He refused to be involved with his daughters and only turned up when he wanted to take something...leaving his family to fend for themselves.  (This was years before the law required deadbeat dads to pay child support or go to jail.)  The separation was never legal.  He just came and went at his own whim.  When my friend was about to get married and asked her father to give her away, he told her that he couldn't be bothered to waste his time on her.  That was the last time she had any contact with him.  When the father died, he died alone.  My feeling is that the daughters saw N-ish behavior modeled by their father while growing up and they, in turn, display the same kind of behavior.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Looking back at this situation, in light of what NDoofus did afterwards, a LOT of things make better sense now!

Bones

[Ami]

As we understand N behavior, hopefully, we can get free from it's effects, Bones.                  Ami

[BonesMS]

As we understand N behavior, hopefully, we can get free from it's effects, Bones.                  Ami

Thanks, Ami!

I'm hoping that NDoofus will continue to leave me alone.

Bones

[Ami]

Yes, Bones
It is hard to know how to defend ourselves,but we must--bleh. I wish that none of this pain and angst existed in the world.
                                                Love    Ami

[BonesMS]

Yes, Bones
It is hard to know how to defend ourselves,but we must--bleh. I wish that none of this pain and angst existed in the world.
                                                Love    Ami

Thanks, Ami.

I agree!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Looking back on the behaviors of NDoofus has finally made me realize that she is definitely an N and I've reduced contact with her to near zero.  Occasionally she will send an e-mail, which is ignored, or call and she is informed that I do not wish to speak to her.  With my health the way it is now, I don't need her brand of aggravation.

The bad thing is that it leaves her mother in a vulnerable situation.  UGH!   

Bones