Kell, glad you keep posting, talking and thinking.
I am not sure if I should trust her enough to let my guard down.
Trust yourself, your feelings and thoughts. Do you trust
yourself enough (not
trust her, trust you) to let your guard down? Can you defend yourself against whatever it is that might happen? (What is the worst that could happen?)
If you let your guard down, you might find she doesn’t ‘relate’ at all. That can be pretty tough. To try and let your guard down on purpose, to try and connect – and then find that the other person can’t understand, is unable to understand you. That can be quite revealing and therefore upsetting. If it happens and you can manage to deal with it, it’s a big positive step. Only you know how much hurt you can cope with. You don’t want to drive yourself nuts!
If you did let your guard down, become emotional, cry - she might be confused and frightened and try to get you to stop – to stop her being frightened. Or she might be cold and distant. Note: both of these reactions have
nothing to do with you. It’s all about her and her world.
People can only control us if we let them. We think “you’re controlling me” instead of thinking about what we want, saying it and asserting our needs. In business terms, we want to negotiate a solution which benefits both parties and if we can’t, if the price is too high or the client demands too much, we have to walk away. No point fighting about it.
So she agreed to sit down and talk.
Can you envisage a meeting with her, like a real adult business meeting? Where you have an agenda and you stick to the points you want to resolve (like having a mantra: this is my objective and I’ll keep repeating it until we resolve it).
Then she started giving me advise and I wanted to email back and tell her to butt out but I just let it go. If she continues to push, I'll thank her graciously but tell her that I need to figure ME out without her advise.
‘Letting it go’ is being mature, not reacting straight away, giving yourself time to think. Letting it go is very difficult to do. It is not weakness: it’s strength.
If someone says to you, angrily, “I don’t need your advise!” how do you feel? Rejected and angry yourself? If someone, anyone, offers advise you don’t have to reject it by telling them you don’t want it.
You can say: “thanks for the advise. I’ll consider it.” Then
you have control, you decide what you want to think and what’s more, the person giving the advise knows you are in control. You take responsibility and control for yourself. After all, it is your issue, nobody else’s. You own it, no-one can take it away from you. There is strength in that control of self.
Hope this helps, usual disclaimer from me Lottery Guest - and what about bunny’s question? Could you get therapy on insurance? If so, would you feel okay about doing that? Or is therapy for wimps?! (joke)
