Lizbeth. I hear you, too. All the advise from MM and Lizbeth and Bunny and Ellie and Portia, etc. etc. goes into the pot to analyze and examine. But I believe it was Bunny who said, stay where I am and learn to draw boundaries. Probably a better idea than to run to a lower paying job and not have the flexibility, just to prove a point. The point is, to treat my mother at work as I would treat any employer (even though we are partners and she is not technically my employer - she just has more money invested because of bad business decisions that she made (with my help sometimes

.) I also need to learn (through therapy) how to act and not react when she clearly pushes my buttons. And I also have to lay some cards out on the table and push her to commit to whatever it is that we decide upon - in all areas. Boundaries. Communication. And yes, money for children's college. If she tells me she will give each kid $1000 or $10,000 or whatever, at least I'll know what I (and my children) need to come up with to pay for college. It's not that I want her to pay for the whole thing, I just don't want to assume anything!!
My ninth grade teacher wrote ASSUME on the board and circled ASS and then U and then ME. He said whenever you assume you make an ass out of you and me! I'll never forget that way back in 1975.............at that time I considered ASS a cuss word so it shocked me a bit. (Remember I was raised with a "we don't drink, we don't smoke and we don't CUSS" mentality.....................?)
So all I want to know are her intentions. I'm going to tell her that. I am going to tell her that I don't expect a thing from her - nothing. I'm not going to beg or ASSUME!! But I would like to know if she has plans so I can make additional plans..........is that so bad?
I mean, a part of me wants to take a job in another city - get transferred with my husband. It would be good for me. But. Would it be good for my children? My oldest is a senior. If I moved she'd move in with, (guess who?) my mom! The next is in 8th grade and loves her friends, cheerleading etc. The third is special needs and is a very good situation in her school. So to leave now is not a good idea. When they are grown in 10 years? Maybe. But hopefully by then my mom and I will be ok. Although I am not holding my breath because I think she might be getting Alzheimer's and that will make it worse, I'm afraid.
Ramble ramble ramble..Kell