Job Advise

[Anonymous]

Hi Kelly,

This is the job search process.  Expect rejection.  Expect inconvenience. It isn't personal.  In fact, they may have loved you and loved someone else.  It happens.

Take this as a learning experience to the next round.  What did you get out of this experience?  A practice round to learn how to come in more confidently next time.  After all, how many job interviews have you ever gone to?  In other words, look at this as a journey, not just a black-and-white win/lose situation.  Perhaps there is a better job waiting for you somewhere else.  When you go shopping, do you buy the first outfit you see or look at all options?  OK, so someone bought the first outfit you saw and it's gone now.  

That was Round One.  Eat some ice cream, feel better and keep looking.    You can do it.  We're looking forward to hearing about your next opportunity!

Seeker

[flower]

Hi Kelly,

That's great you had the interviews and all. That is the first step towards finding what you want.   It's too bad you can't just talk with your mom and tell her what you think about things and somehow get her blessing to find another job. Can you involve your dad in this and talk with both your parents with your husband backing you up?  Is there anyway you can "sell" your portion of the business back to your mom? Since the business was bought for you it seems like you should be able to tell your mom it isn't working out for you.  I know its hard but maybe your mom is tired of the business.  These are just ideas and I know our moms are for the most part impossible but maybe you can find an angle she could agree with. Just some thoughts here....maybe you can brainstorm with that aunt of yours that seems to understand. I think I remember an aunt. Anyway, maybe you have already tried to talk to your mom about wanting something different...she doesn't have to know that it is her that is bothering you. Sorry if you have already covered these ideas here.

Take care Kelly

[Anonymous]

Kelly here.......all good advice and thank you!  Guess what?  I had asked someone I trust before this rejection ( ) and they told me I should be up front with my mom and not drop a bomb on her after I got the job.  So i emailed her (can't talk to her - it just gets too yucky...............) and told her I had applied for several jobs and that if a good enough one comes along then I would take it.............................meanwhile my grandmother's husband just died and my mom has been so preoccupied with being a good daughter that it appears (we'll see......) that she is backing off.  

Maybe this job interview was just what the doctor ordered.  It gave me the "get up and go" that I needed.  

I finally did get an email back from their HR person who politely told me they had recently filled that position.  Crazy!  They treat you like you are their next hiree and then nothing.  Oh well, you are right about thinking they are kind of creepy.  Anyone who would be the epitome of professionalism during the process and then drop you like a hot potato doesn't seem like an organization I would want to work for.  

Plus the owners were of a different nationality than I am and although I do not consider myself prejudiced in the least, I wonder if the ethnic differences would have been a detriment?  Don't know.  Sometimes I think certain groups of people have different ideas on work ethics, etc.  Some nationalities work long and hard..................................too long and hard for a mother of three!!

Honestly, I think my mother is backing off.  At our meeting last week she seemed so detached.

I keep looking in the newspaper but nothing really has jumped out at me as a possibility...............I guess I'll just do the best that I can.

[phoenix]

I finally did get an email back from their HR person who politely told me they had recently filled that position.  Crazy!  They treat you like you are their next hiree and then nothing.  Oh well, you are right about thinking they are kind of creepy.  Anyone who would be the epitome of professionalism during the process and then drop you like a hot potato doesn't seem like an organization I would want to work for.  

 This is not so unusual. I have been going through this for a year now. I am quite qualified for my line of work (waitress), worked at one of the top restaurants, have excellent references. I have come away from my interviews feeling full of promise and then - nothing.

 On the other hand, I have been hired at a few establishments this past year, that once there, I knew I did not fit.

Plus the owners were of a different nationality than I am and although I do not consider myself prejudiced in the least, I wonder if the ethnic differences would have been a detriment?  Don't know.  

I have thought this quite possible in my case. At one interview the manager told me that just seeing where I came from previously he knew I fit right in with his menu (East West fusion), that I would require very little training, and that I had experience and the required professionalism that he wanted. But I went away knowing that if some sharp asian walked in with similar qualifications, that my fair skin would be outed. I never heard from him again. Even with a follow up phone call.  This happened again at a popular Mediteranian restaraunt. I went in, saw every employee was dark skinned, and even though the interview was good, I wasn't the least surprised to not get called back.

The process is no fun, but it is important to keep our spirits up and not take it personally. With each interview, I consider it practice.
 Hang in there.   Phoenix

[Anonymous]

Phoenix:  I, too, have had some practice.  I have had lots of interviews.  I left once, and then realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  I had a few interviews with great companies but they couldn't pay me what I have been making so I declined......this was the first company whose pay scale was up to what I am making now.

Well, if I am to leave it is all about the "perfect" job.  I don't think any exist.  Even the job I have now is not perfect even if mom steps aside.  The bad habits that the employees have are going to be hard to break.  Change is VERY hard.  Most are really passive-aggressive!!

Good to know that the ethnic thing wasn't just me.  I think I might have offended the wife and I'm not sure why..........................maybe my psychological exam exposed me as an egomaniac or something!!  Or worse - a narcissist![/quote]

[phoenix]

Phoenix:  I, too, have had some practice.  I have had lots of interviews.  I left once, and then realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  I had a few interviews with great companies but they couldn't pay me what I have been making so I declined......this was the first company whose pay scale was up to what I am making now.

Well, if I am to leave it is all about the "perfect" job.  I don't think any exist.  Even the job I have now is not perfect even if mom steps aside.  The bad habits that the employees have are going to be hard to break.  Change is VERY hard.  Most are really passive-aggressive!!

Good to know that the ethnic thing wasn't just me. I think I might have offended the wife and I'm not sure why..........................maybe my psychological exam exposed me as an egomaniac or something!!  Or worse - a narcissist!

[/quote]

Is this Kelly responding to my post? I thought you had a husband, if so...? Doesn't really change my post but wondering all the same.  Phoenix

[Anonymous]

This is Kelly..................no, what I meant was...............I think I might have offended the wife of the husband and wife owners of the company.....yes, I have a husband and yes I am a woman.............I just saw a bunch of pictures on the wall of the owners with famous people and as I looked over them I just assumed they were all pictures of the owner and his wife...........................so when I commented that she had met the president, she said, "That's not me, that's my sister-in-law holding my son.....................he's the one in our family that met the president...."  And honestly, I couldn't tell the difference..............they had the same haircut and they were both of a different nationality.........same height, same built..................I screwed up.  If someone of a different nationality saw a tall woman with dark hair holding a baby and to me it was obviously not me and they commented that I had met the famous person in the picture, I would probably be offended, too!

Another thing that happened is I mentioned that in the personality test I had taken that they asked questions like "Do you often wish you could be famous and everyone would know who you are?"  And she said, "Do you?"  And I said, "No...............well, I think everyone thinks it would be cool to be famous at one time or another.........................."  She probably thought I was full of myself.......................

Oh, well, live and learn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[phoenix]

Ha ha! Thanks for clarifying.

My dad's side of the family is super sensitive to their nose; something I was at one time overly sensitive too, but time has put thier viewpoint of beauty into different perspective for me. So anyway, I always had the "Rogers" nose (dad's family). One day at my aunt's new home, my mom's  sister, I saw a picture of myself on her shelf. I couldn't for the life of me figure out where she got that picture. I realized it was my couisin, who I had never met! I exclaimed at our likeness. My aunt said, but your cousin always wonders where the heck did she get that nose? My mom and I in unison answered- from the "Rogers" family.    Take care, Phoenix

[Anonymous]

Kelly here.................well, you mean you can mistake one anglo saxon white protestant woman from the next???????????  They all look alike!!

Oh well, it wasn't meant to be.  In fact, I think I inadvertantly sabotaged myself during the last interview.  The first one I was so smooth.....they loved me..................and I could TELL they loved me, so the next one I wasn't as confident and the last one I pretty much looked like a bumbling idiot - but you know what?  I KNOW I was the idiot, no nmom had to imply that I was an idiot................it almost makes me laugh.............