Strength to tell N Mom I'm not visiting for Xmas

[Anonymous]

Hi Kate

I agree with all the great advise from everyone.  One thing that hasn't been mentioned is how your husband feels.  My husband put up with so much crap on my behalf.  He did all holidays, some vacations and even bought us a lake cottage 2 doors down from my parents because he loves me and wanted to make my life easier.  In other words, he gave them everything they wanted.

I'm 51 years old and it took facing cancer to finally have the courage to stand up to my parents.  I figured if I could handle CA, I could handle anything.  I stood up for my husband {he was being lied about because my father didn't get his way about something} and gave him the respect he deserves.

If your husband doesn't want to go, DON'T go.  Don't let anyone come between you.  One of their tricks is to divide and conquer.  Your marriage is number ONE.  They'll get over it or they won't. It doesn't matter.  Do what's right!!!!

Be strong and good luck.

Dinny

[katsy1t]

For years I felt like I had to go to my nparents house for Christmas.  Not only did I feel like I had to pay for the plane ticket to get there, but also for all the gifts.

It was find being there for about 2 days - after that I wanted out.  My sister living in the parents area, refused to come over to the house often, and that left just me.

Eventually, my apartment burned down, and I was able to use that as an excuse to stay home.  Ever since then, except once, I have not gone for Christmas.

One year the parents offered to pay for the plane ticket to get there, and that was my Christmas present.  So nope - I have a nicer time with my friends and adopted family in the area where I live now.

Of course, every once in a while, I get the guilty treatment from the parents:  Since no one is here, we're not going to decorate.  We'll just go out to a restaurant and celebrate Christmas ourselves.

Their choice.  Interestingly enough - after the last Christmas I was with them, my migraines stopped!

[flower]

Their choice.  Interestingly enough - after the last Christmas I was with them, my migraines stopped!

katsy1t,
Glad the migraines stopped! They are the pits, those migraines, yes siree, I've had 'em go  status migrainous  once when I had day four of a massive headache, complete with vomiting and noise and light intolerance. I could just sip tiny amounts of water. Had me writhing in bed.  I almost went to the hospital for help but the headache resolved that day. I was so not wanting a hospital bill.    Back in the 90's I  had migraines go three days like this, once a month about. They were reduced with medication, but I've had less problems with them since getting away from the bad situation with N  parents.