Author Topic: home, brother  (Read 1371 times)

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13621
home, brother
« on: July 03, 2009, 10:11:51 AM »
Hi everybody,
Thought I'd do a brief update on where things are in my life.
Some of you may recall I made a conservative (but well reasoned) offer to buy the house from my mother's estate. It's practical (I already live there) and it's the only thing holding up the settling of her estate. But, since my Npath (N + sociopath) brother has a 1/3 share, it has to be done through the courts. We (my lawyer and I) conveyed a real offer in April. He ignored it. Then we gave him a deadline of July 1, he ignored that. He won't even respond to his own attorney's requests. I got approved for financing in April, but that may be moot.

Meanwhile, I've done all the executor functions anyway. But since Nmother left us as CO-executors (against my express pleading that she not leave me legally entangled with him in any way), neither of us is officially executor. To be official, you have to go to the courthouse with documents and be "registered" first -- and, since she made us Co-executors--trying to force her sentimental vision of a sibling relationship, which she helped to destroy with all the manipulation-- we'd have to both go to that appointment. Difficult to accomplish with someone you fear and who isn't responding to anything and who lives halfway across the country. He didn't attend her memorial and there hasn't been a syllable from him since she died (and since he received the auditor's report emphatically in my favor).

I have adapted to her death (a relief to us both) and am at peace that he is out of my life. That peace will solidify when he is also LEGALLY out of my life and can never re-enter it on any pretext.

So. Now we have to petition the court that I be made sole executor, or if there's any objection as to conflict of interest (selling myself the house), that a 3rd-party executor be approved (the same woman who did the audit) or nominated by the court. That means, more money to lawyers, more time lost as it's months before you can get on the docket. However, this time my attorney is going after the legal fees not to come from the estate, but from my brother's pocket. And, since my brother has shown no interest in helping, responding, or behaving like an adult, the judge may respond in our favor.

All that said, I'm okay about it, most days. I am still in limbo, but instead of freaking out about all the uncertainty, I am trying to float in it. I am planning to use this time to pare down my belongings (that have been stored for 10 years in the basement), simplify simplify simplify...and that way, whether one day I find out I can stay in my home or must sell it and move...either way I will be okay.

Slow progress, but progress.

I am otherwise focused on trying to rebuild my health. The fatigue is deep and it will take a few years, I think, before I am a healthy animal again.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5441
Re: home, brother
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2009, 11:32:25 AM »
Quote
I am trying to float in it

Learn to surf it, sweetie... ride it to shore.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Lupita

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2457
Re: home, brother
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2009, 04:36:39 PM »
Just hope that we can find some peace. We need some peace. We deserve some peace.


debkor

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1070
Re: home, brother
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2009, 07:45:32 PM »
Hey Hops,


One word, Believe.....Believe.....Believe..............just Believe........one word said over and over.....

Slow progress but progress....Believe.....

You will be ok....

Love
Deb

mudpuppy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1276
Re: home, brother
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2009, 10:16:02 AM »
Quote
simplify simplify simplify

Wouldn't it have been simpler if you just said it once?

Sorry Hops, old Bob Newhart joke at Thoreau's expense. Couldn't resist.

mud

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: home, brother
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2009, 01:56:43 PM »
This is the last leg of a long journey.

Soon..... NB will be out of your life, and Hops' world, sans FOO, will begin fresh and new.

The idea of paring down and simplifying appeals to me deeply.

Sounds like your brother's actions are making it easy for outsiders to see his real face.

I hope the Judge is appalled by his absense at your/his mother's funeral.

I'm appalled just reading it: /

((((Hops))))  Keep spinning in the garden and enjoy the clear uncluttered sunny spaces, that editing your home, will bring.
Mo2


CB123

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 883
  • It's never to late to be what you might have been
Re: home, brother
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2009, 07:46:21 PM »
Hopsy, you sound so good.  Weary to the bone, yes...but so calm and centered.  I love reading your posts.  Something has shifted in you since your mom has been gone.  I think that finally you dont have to take care of anyone but you. 

Your decision about your gennulman seems so wise and right.  I sometimes wonder what the criteria really is for a life partner---romance?  Stability?  Material steadiness?  Ability to understand? Seems to be so much to ask of one person...I hesitate to even demand it of myself.  Most I can do is try to pick 2 out of 3 of the options at a time :?

I love it that you are just enjoying what he is able to give and what you are able to receive.  I love it that you are opening your hands with regard to your house.  I can't imagine what will pour into those open hands in the years ahead.  I love it!

I will never be able to thank you enough for all you did to help give me a jump start on my new life.  The cornerstone of your help is still holding steady...you can read the update on Axa's thread. 



Love you muchly,
CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010