Deeply Distressed

[genuine]

Hi all,

My mother is the cruelest bitch I know. Some of you may be familiar with the fact she forced me to have an abortion at 19 years of age. Now that I am 28 I finally came to terms with it all, till the other day when I heard her message on my answering machine proudly announcing my brother's wife had given birth to their second child. She just loves rubbing it in my face. She knows full well I despise my brother and his wife because my brother physically and verbally abused me my whole life and his wife is another heartless bitch.. every time she bought me a birthday card etc. she made sure there was an infant on the front and she constantly put me and my partner down. My whole family thrive on mind games. Is my mother sick? does she get off on hurting me like this? How can you want to snuff out one grandchild's life and want to welcome another one? How can a mother not ring her daughter (me) in weeks and months and then just ring to announce the baby's arrival? isn't that weird?

genuine

[Moonflower]

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[Anonymous]

Hi Genuine,

I can hear the pain and anger in your post about the terrible hurts given to you by the people who should love you most.  Awful.

Just a guess, but the toxic waste your mom heaps on your head is really about her.  You are the girl, a most-like-mom clone, so you get it.    Your brother is a boy, a not-her, so he gets the good stuff.  Interesting that he married someone so much like your mom.  They will all reap what they sow.  I already feel sorry for the baby!

Have you considered grief counseling for the loss of your own baby?  It sounds like you could use lots of support for these tragic experiences.  I agree with Moonflower.  The things that need aborting are these poisonous relationships.  It's up to you to bring love and positive things into your life that you deserve.  

Peace, Seeker

[Lizbeth as Guest]

Sounds like it's time for you to "abort" the whole lot of them.  Why continue to have toxic relatives in your life to make you miserable?  Freedom can be yours.  

Lizbeth

Hi all,

My mother is the cruelest bitch I know. Some of you may be familiar with the fact she forced me to have an abortion at 19 years of age. Now that I am 28 I finally came to terms with it all, till the other day when I heard her message on my answering machine proudly announcing my brother's wife had given birth to their second child. She just loves rubbing it in my face. She knows full well I despise my brother and his wife because my brother physically and verbally abused me my whole life and his wife is another heartless bitch.. every time she bought me a birthday card etc. she made sure there was an infant on the front and she constantly put me and my partner down. My whole family thrive on mind games. Is my mother sick? does she get off on hurting me like this? How can you want to snuff out one grandchild's life and want to welcome another one? How can a mother not ring her daughter (me) in weeks and months and then just ring to announce the baby's arrival? isn't that weird?

genuine

[bunny]

genuine,

I agree with Seeker. Your mother is sick. She projects her self-hate and loathing into the child with whom she strongly identifies (you). This is all sadistic stuff and it's how she feels about herself. You can't stop her from projecting, but you can make yourself inaccessible. Change to an unlisted number, discard all mail from her unopened, etc. She is extremely destructive.

{{{ hang in there }}}

bunny

[genuine]

Thanks everyone, I will end up getting a silent number when I can afford it and become inaccessable. Thanks for all your advice and kind words, Love genuine

[Dawning]

Genuine,

I understand how you feel.  My mother has the same inner-hostility that she has projected on me for half my life.  She has told me countless times since I was a teenager that " getting pregnant will be the worst mistake you will ever make."   I came to doubt myself as someone who would be fit to be a mother even though people said (including and heartbreakingly my ex partner) that I would make an excellent mother.  

My mother's fear is so obvious though I never wanted to admit it until a very insightful person actually wrote it out for me: her fear was and *is* (even though I am approaching middle age at this point) that she would be exposed as a bad parent if she saw me being a good parent and she would finally have to admit that we were separate.

I think you need to pull back from her.  I have been doing this since March of this year and her histrionics are incredible.  Its not easy.  She finds any reason to run away and pout, thinking that I will become afraid again and go seeking her out for love and comfort but I am standing my ground now.

I hope you can stand your ground too.

((((Hugs))))

[Ellie]

Hi Genuine,
I sympathize with you so much. I haven't suffered the loss of a child, but loosing your family puts a lot of hurt in your heart - no matter what causes the loss.

I am very much like Dawning, said bye to the whole lot of them this spring/summer and am much better off for it!

But, I still get depressed and angry over what has happened over the years. I get angry at myself for having allowed them as much power as I gave them. I did it all out of fear, but I still allowed it.

I allow it NO MORE! And you have the right to do the same for yourself. Your Nmom has bestowed on you a terrible crime! Forcing a child to abort their child is criminal. The act of abortion is not criminal, but one person forcing another against their will is criminal! Your Nmom will pay for this. I feel it in my heart that these cruel and unloving Ns will get their just do someday. I can live my life knowing now that I make my decisions and I refuse to be a party to their lives.  I do not want to be within 1000 miles when they are forced to pay for their evil deeds.

It's time to escape sister! Time to run free. The old saying "If you love it, set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours....." rings true here. Set yourself free from your Nmom, and if the relationship is ever meant to come back together, it will and you will own it - not your Nmom controlling it. Otherwise, be happy you are free and she can no longer hurt you.

I have always wondered why my Nmom thought getting pregnant was the absolute worst thing in the world. But it's not - it's just how they feel at that moment. Get them upset about something else that is one of their No Nos and all hell breaks loose again! My Nmom and Ndad always said I would end up pregnant when I was still a teen. I didn't and THAT made them angry. My lil sis got pregnant at 19 and they forced a shot gun wedding. She divorced  4 years later and they took her child from her. They said she didn't deserve a child!

I started my family at 30 and Nmom got angry THEN that I was having a baby. She said I had to give it to her because I waited so long she didn't think I wanted kids. I have 3 kids and they tried many times to take them. Moving over 2000 miles away has been my sanity saver. But this year I told them I was not Afraid of them anymore, they can't take my kids, they can't beat me anymore for smoking and drinking and they went balistic.

So, see, it doesn't matter what you do. The act of doing something Ns say you can't do will stay with them forever. They will never let you live it down.

Get out now so you don't have to continue living with your Nmom's evilness. Stop taking her dumping on you for her inadequacies.

I always wondered if maybe my Nmom got pregnant prior to getting married - maybe that is why it's such a bug issue to her! She'd never let us know. She still lies to the world that my sister was married before she got pregnant - like anyone even Cares anymore! This is 2004!

[Moonflower]

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[Anonymous]

Hi Moonflower, just noticed your name there, are you okay, want to talk?