Any therapy success stories?

[Kusumita]

Can anyone share their experiences with therapists?  Has anyone found psychodynamic therapy to be successful? Do psychotherapists normally turn away from people who have an insecure childhood attachment pattern?

How do you know upfront if a therapist is right for you?  I mean, there are clues-but it takes a while to know someone--so how do you go about settling on one?  I'm afraid to trust a therapist.

[Gabben]

Hi Kusumita,

Below is a website link that may help you continue to move forward in finding a therapist.  Like many others here on the board I have had good and bad experiences with therapists/counselors. This website has very clear and good information as well as you can submit a question to the author of the web-site, a psychologist, for his answer.

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/questions/questions.htm

A negative experience with a counselor is what brought me to this board, so I understand.

I've learned over the years that my "picker" of people is not always the best, I have a natural tendency, like many unhealed persons, to gravitate towards the unhealed, we are usually trying to just work out our unfinished unconscious stuff with each other. But to find a therapist that has really done their work as well as is grounded spiritually enough to continue their inner journey is not easy.

For me, I have been blessed to have people put in my life as opposed to me "picking" them out myself, I like to think of it as God knows best so I let him find me someone. How that has happend is a story of learning to listen to my heart. Although, the last counselor I had, a man, I choose and he was one of the best counselors I have ever had, a very solid and loving man. I must be getting better. Also, I chose a priest once as a spiritual director and he was also very healthy too, another good sign of progress.

So it may just be a matter of doing the footwork, trusting in the process by staying open and listening to your heart.

BTW: I suffered from a mild case of BPD as well as very low levels of my own N selfish behavior, I was abandoned at tender ages for long periods of time.

In my late twenties I was lucky, or blessed, to find a safe and very loving psychiatrist that took me back on the journey to that terrifying time, when I was just a small child and left alone or with strangers for long periods, to heal the wounds. Those were some of the most difficult years of my life, working in intensive therapy, but the price was so worth it, from facing that suffering I learned how to love....

[JustKathy]

For me, therapy has been decades of trial and error. I started right after I left home, almost 30 years ago. The first therapists I saw seemed to be completely clueless about NPD. I actually had one who said to me, "Now really, why would your mother do those things to you?" I told her, if I knew that, I wouldn't be sitting on her couch.

Most of the early therapists that I saw were one-time visits. I never returned because I knew they just weren't going to work. I gave up for several years. About 15 years ago, I developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and part of my treatment was to see a psychiatrist. That woman messed me up REALLY badly. This is the one who accused me of being a chronic over exaggerator and "drama queen." At the time, I didn't realize how badly she was hurting me. After several years of this, I actually started stressing out over having to go to my monthly appointments, or would come home stressed and upset over something she said. So I stopped seeing her.

My current therapist is the closest I've come to a match. After almost 30 years, she was the first one to say the words Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She totally believed what I told her about my NM, so I felt a huge relief to have found her. That said, there have been times when I've not agreed with her methods, specifically, advising me to support my codependent father. Though in recent weeks, F has done some very hurtful things to me, and she's now back on my side, so to speak. But for a while, I was considering dropping her. In fact, I had started a thread about it. I think it was called "Can a therapist do more harm than good." If you go back a page or two you can probably find it.

I plan on moving back home to CA end of the year, which will force me to find another therapist. So while the current one is working, I'll have to be moving on. Even though we have had our disagreements, I feel that she has helped me, and that I'm better off for having a therapist than not. She has a lot of patients who are victims of Ns, so she knows quite a lot about the disorder. That makes all the difference. If you end up with a therapist who isn't all that knowledgeable, they won't "get" what you're trying to say. I honestly don't know how to search for someone who is knowledgeable in that area, but maybe look for someone who specializes in family counseling. Odds are, someone who deals with family issues will have experience with Ns.

[Hopalong]

Hi Kusumita,

Dr. Grossman, the moderator of this board, will take requests for therapists in your area and post a notice on this board (the therapists' thread)...maybe that could help?

Don't give up.

Hops

[teartracks]

Hi K,

The last one-I told EVERYTHING-but he did not want to treat me. Should I not tell everything up front and take it slower?

I think it depends on the therapist and the client.   If the therapist or the client are apt to go into information overload easily, then adjustments would have to be made to accommodate either party  for the therapy sessions to be worthwhile.  

I think the burden for starting off on the right foot, so to speak, falls on the therapist, the professional.  

These are my thoughts and they are not meant to represent all the truth that should be shed on the subject.

tt

[Gabben]

"Does transference always emerge, or is it only with therapists who covertly remind you of your parents?"

I can only speak for myself and for me transference HAS always emerged. Due to having spent a great deal of time with a classic Freudian therapist I learned my own transference, meaning that eventually I was able to learn to spot transference in me sometimes before I acted out or got caught in the pain of not facing the transference. A safe therapist helped with that.

Therapy can only work if you are willing to be very honest with yourself, very, it is hard, it means bringing all of yourself to the process and being willing to stare and see as well as admit all of yourself.

Having had a Freudian shrink helped me because it was not about him, I knew nothing about him, he was just this warm presence that every once in a while said something that illuminated truth about myself and helped me further to talk about what was REALLY going on - In the beginning it was ALL about transference. Initially, it was hard, I fought the process for over a year in just loosening up the defenses; there were times when I wanted to run but this very good therapist would help me stay by reinforcing that he was committed to the process, he was not going to abandon me, not even with a negative facial expression when I was in deep pain and pouring up and out my behaviors and thinking that was so shameful to have to face and admit.

The FT worked alot with dreams. Initially, my interreptation of my dreams did not even come close to what the dreams were actually about, the therapist was my flash light at helping me see what my dream were REALLY about, conclusions that I would never have been able to come to on my own because of lack of schooling, training and experience. An example of this was a dream I had about my desires of affection for my father, at the age of 5, and my envy of my mother, desires and unfinished business that had never fully resolved itself. Once the therapist would give me the reasons and insight for my dreams, after my poor interpretations, then I would be able to take it farther in my own self therapy of healing. My therapist would tell me that he was training me to be him, to be my own therapist.

Staying with the process of deep healing in therapy is very hard, our unconscious can put up a fight before we are aware that we are even fighting. I think that those who can stay with the therapy have learned to develop a deep spiritual life and have a bigger picture perspective on realty, a sense of spiritual grounding to help them when the therapy times get rough.

[Ami]

Dear Kus
 I hear the cry of your soul in those lyrics. I have found what you are looking for with what Alice Miller calls an Enlightened Witness. For me it was not a therapist but it can be.In your process of seeking a therapist, Miller has guidelines on her website.
 I think you are 100 % right in your desires for what a therapist should be and how they should lead YOU from numb to alive. I think your vision is 1000% right. Don't let anyone steal it from you. Hold it tight. I think you can find your desires b/c that is what therapy SHOULD be. You should not have to withhold info from the therapist. That is crazy.
 The therapist SHOULD be able to lead you from your numb,unfeeling(dead) state to reconnecting with your life force, truth, emotions inside.
 That is the map I see and it seems that is the map you see.
 The problem is there are not very many healthy people in the world ie people who are connected to themselves . Alice Miller talks about this in her guidelines about finding the right therapist.
 Once you know what you want in a more defined way, you can ever screen them on the phone.
 Your intentions are right,very,very insighful. Trust what you want. It exists.
 I found exactly what your lyrics were saying in a lay person and I am healing in just the way your lyrics said it could happen.
 It can happen for you, too, b/c you have the vision. I had the same vision and it is happening for me.
 Kus, I think you are pretty strong, very insightful, know who you are more than you realize and know what you want. Don't give up right before the sun shines. Keep writing.        XXXXOOOO  Ami



PS The person who wrote that song "gets" you so you are not alone. Your dream exists out there!

[Hopalong]

Kusumita, I don't know much about BPD but that referral source may be a good one.

Good luck on finding help, you are very eager to do the work...that should bode well.

Hops

[Ami]

Dear Kusumita
 I am going to tell you my impressions of you. Reject what doesn't fit.You came in to a group of people  and strongly and confidently stated your reality.
 Then so you could be understood more you wrote the whole situation in more detail. That was assertive and strong about who you are.
 There are many  people who could not have done that. You hold your own and you can do the same thing when you look for the therapist.
  Where did you get your inner strength from ?            Ami

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry, Kusumita, I hadn't read carefully.

It sounds as though you are doing a good, smart job advocating for yourself.

Columbia sounds good!

Hops

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Dear Kusumita
 When s/one questioned the "validity" you strongly stuck to your guns about what you experienced.You did not feel so shamed that you ran away.
           Ami

Hi Ami,

Please name the person who questioned Kusumita's "validity".

Thanks,

Richard

[Ami]

I felt like Hops questioned the "story" which Kus stated as HER reality. I don't think Hops did it maliciously . For me, if I stated a painful truth, I would not want s/one to say some version of "Are you sure that you percieved it right?"That has happened to me in the past with Hops when I told the  story of my M molesting me and Hops asked "Are you sure you percieved it right?"
I erased the sentence . I hope that is acceptable.             Ami

[Hopalong]

Ami, I would like to ask that when I comment to other people, you would not follow my posts by telling the other person that I have invalidated them in some way. You did that in my recent conversation with Lise and now with Kusumita.

You have explained that you felt I invalidated you at one point and I responded. And as I said, I do not want to relive old arguments with you. This is the second time in a week you've brought it up.

If anyone else feels I have misunderstood or offended them, they can speak for themselves. Please don't intervene or supervise my conversations or try to implant doubts or "send signals" about me to others.

thank you,
Hops

[JustKathy]

I have GAD as well-has therapy helped you with this? Has it lessened since your treatment?  How were you able to tell from one visit that they would not work out?  What sensations &i thoughts did you have?

I can't say that the therapy has helped with the GAD at all. My psychiatrists (the ones who prescribe my anti-anxiety meds) have always insisted that therapy be a part of my treatment, but the GAD is no better now than the day I was diagnosed. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that therapy hasn't helped the GAD on a day-to-day basis, under "normal" circumstances. Where it's probably helped is during times of crisis. If I'm going through a rough patch, my anxiety will spike, so having a therapist to talk to during those times helps to keep the anxiety from going haywire on me. During times of extreme stress, having someone to talk to does calm the anxiety. So I would say that therapy is helping to keep the GAD under control, but isn't improving the condition.

As for being able to tell from one visit if a therapist would work out, it was usually just a bad feeling. These were all cases where there was a drastic disconnect, usually the T not believing me, defending my mother, claiming that I was over-exaggerating, passing judgment before hearing everything I had to say, etc.. A lot of it is gut instinct. There were several that I just didn't like, didn't click with, didn't like their tone of voice, etc. A good therapist, at least for me, is one who will sit and really listen to me. All my life, my N mother would cut off every sentence that came out of my mouth, so if a therapist does that to me, it's instantly over.

[Ami]

Dear Hops
    I think I have a responsibility to call s/thing as I see it . I know when a new person comes on the Board, they are very insecure and skittish.I am not saying you are doing this b/c you are not but many people have been run off the Board by hurtful things.
 If I feel that s/one(you or someone else ) says s/thing which could be hurtful, I think I can give my opinion, if I name names as Richard says.
  If I follow Board rules, I think I am free to give my impressions.  If not, I will follow Richards leadings.               Ami