My Truth

[sKePTiKal]

OK, that's OK by me...
How's your aim with a cannon? Should I duck?     

[Meh]

Ok, fair warning.

Today I'm kicking peas at everyone.

And I'm wearing a shirt that says sweetpea. I'm drooling and rabid. A rabid baby brat with peas as ammunition.

Don't come near my cage.

Rabid baby

Rabid baby


I just kicked myself in the face accidentally.

[Meh]

OK, that's OK by me...
How's your aim with a cannon? Should I duck?     

I won't shoot the cannon at you Phoenix only peas. Maybe some of those gross little mini hotdog things that come in little jars.

[Meh]

I'm going to put a spell on some animal crackers and turn them into living animal cracker bed bugs. Animal crackers that bite with their little teeth.

Gonna mash up some crackers and make cracker balls and put those into my cannon.

I'm going to shoot bed-bug cracker cannon balls. All of the little animal crackers will bite you all over.


I'm delirious. This must be my fear and depression speaking.

[Hopalong]

Ahhh.

I sense that a Norman Rockwell-meets-Mother-Theresa-with-Florence-Nightingale-and-assorted-saints gathering featuring peas and oceanic love is not quite the ticket for you...

(Yet.)

I almost burst out laughing (bummer, at work) at "I don't initiate glaring!"

Helen, you're a caution.

Completely loveable.

Just consider this, if you're not in the mood for peas:
It really is amazing how much better life can get.

It's the intentional repeated exposures to love and positive community that defeats pea allergy.

hugs,
Hops

[Meh]

Now I'm mashing the peas under my toes mash smoosh mashy mash. Now the pea mash is in my hands and I'm smearing it all over the walls. I have peas on my fingers and I paint green lines of pea warpaint on my face.

The world record for biggest pea-pit. Baby mud wrestlers in pea mash.

If you have ring side seats you are going to get pea in your hair.

[Meh]

I would like to mud wrestle my co-workers. This elbow in the face thing.

[Meh]

I'm tempted to go cry and then get really drunk for the rest of the day.
I feel that bad, I have that much fear, that much self hatred. That much desire to not be conscious.
I could smash a wine bottle over my own head like in a movie.  (I'm not alcoholic this IS the FIRST wine bottle I bought this year)

That's how I feel today. I feel like a frightened screaming angry pissy baby.

I'm not going to do it cus I don't act out all of my impulses.

I'm going to go take a shower, drink more coffee, put my big-girl face on and work.

On second thought maybe I will mix a batch of coffee and wine and peas and then bath in it. And run around the neighborhood covered in it.

I'm going to invest in gentically engineered peas that are a monstrous size.

[Ami]

Love you !     WHY???  You are sweet and real. You give others permission to tell their deepest truths cuz you have the courage to tell yours.You did that for me.                                  xxxoooo                       Ami

[sKePTiKal]

Here. I got one for ya in the WTF?! category....

Back in March, I was told I'd need a physical for buy-sell insurance, 'coz I inherited 50% of this company (actually 2; now it's 3).
So, while I was still working - and had health insurance - I scheduled a physical with my doctor. Shortly thereafter, I found out that the insurance co. would send their own person to my home to do the exam. So I didn't follow up on anything, suggested by the poor PA who was trying guess what tests they might request.

OK - everyone makes mistakes, right? I was trying to be pro-active & git R done...

Well... this has become an insane thing. First glitch - I had to ask the PA to write a letter saying, that I'd misunderstood the instructions about the exam and that there was no medical reason she knew of for recommending the tests she did.

NOW... I was refused temporary LIFE insurance coverage (the buy-sell insurance) because of this reason:

I'd seen my doctor in the last year.

uh..... aren't we SUPPOSED to have a physical every year?? Why does having a physical trigger "no coverage" for life insurance??? It's not like having a physical means I'm at high risk of dying, you know???

It's all cleared up now, thankfully. Supposedly a "clerical error". But ya know... I think I'm gonna join you on the "glaring eyes" side of things, Helen. This is just so flat out stupid & rediculous that it boggles the mind.

It's the rest of the world that "has something wrong with them", dear... TRUST ME. It ain't us.

[Hopalong]

You are positive community, btw, imo, xyz.

Freethinker, truthteller, wrestler, brave enough to be afraid.

This could be your Native American name:

She Who Spits Peas From Eyeballs.

(Better than the gooey stuff?  )

Oh, forgot. Peas are gooey.

xo
Hops

[Meh]

( (((( Phoenix )))) )


( (((( Hops ))))))) )


( (((( Ami )))))))) )

[Ami]

( (((( Phoenix )))) )


( (((( Hops ))))))) )


( (((( Ami )))))))) )

LOL.

[Meh]

Blue October - Into The Ocean
 
 
 
I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life that's sadly stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

You're floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jets, I'm sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
So thought no end my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)

[Meh]

For as much as I write on this board, there are things that I don't write. Things that I suppose I keep for myself.


Today I was thinking of how my heart is like a pulverized hockey puck.

I should have so much compassion for my little heart but sometimes I do want to just kill my heart.

Life is so weird and confusing.

I think some people have emotions like a soloist, a single instrument.

I have emotions like a whole fricken orchestra, so many parts, so many pieces but it is an orchestra where things are out of tune and notes are out of place. The conductor doesn't know what the F he is doing.

Ok, I see my hands holding my heart like it is a pollywog. Between my hands my heart and pink light and I hope it will be ok.
Maybe like a bird with a broken wing. I HOPE it will be ok somehow, some way, some day... maybe.