Any therapy success stories?

[Ami]

Dear Hops
 I think within the context of the current Board rules, you need to have a No Contact policy with me if you want to make sure that I do not comment on anything or refer to you in any way.      Ami

[Hopalong]

I was reluctant to face it because it feels like a failure but I suppose you're right, Ami.

It may be for some reason the two of us just can't fix this old cycle. Maybe it will create a sense of freedom and safety within healthy boundaries we each need in order for us both to participate here happily. I'd like to post here for years more, knowing it to be a safe and positive part of my life.

So I'll think of it as just meeting a lot of people in a big room, and realizing that for reasons neither of us intends, we tend to rub each other the wrong way. Some people bring out the best in me and vice versa. I'll leave you alone and respect your right to engage with others, and you can continue to enjoy that. And vice versa.

The board's a big generous room; not all circles have to constantly overlap.

Maybe it is the most supportive thing to do for us both. It doesn't have to be a result of anger, so thank you for suggesting it calmly. I can extend compassion while respecting and relying on the NC boundary to feel more safe and relaxed. I hope this boundary will have benefits for you, as well. I genuinely wish you the best as you continue to heal and find your way to a more peaceful, happy future. You have been through unspeakable pain and I hope you will find relief. I'm sure you will.

So. Richard, in order to avoid an old repetitive pattern, I'd like to go NC with Ami. For safety's sake, I should then proactively go NC with Wiltay as well.

To confirm I'm understanding right: I will not enter a thread Ami or Wiltay begins, and although I will freely participate in any other thread they are also on, I will neither mention nor address them or use hints, allusions, suggestions, intimations, asides, etc., about them. I will also not respond to their posts in any thread we're both participating in. Please let me know if I've missed anything.

I'm ready to be corrected if I slip. I will apologize and step back behind the boundary. (Ami or Wiltay, if you notice a transgression, please address the moderator rather than me about it, as the NC rule is reciprocal. Other people, please feel free to help me "steer" if you notice I need that. Thanks.)

I'm sure that although it may be awkward at times at first, with practice our NC will just become an automatic part of the landscape, and I hope living with this boundary in place will not cause discomfort to anyone else.

thanks,
Hops

[Ami]

I agree,  Hops.                              Ami

[Hopalong]

Hi Kusumita,

I apologize for diverting your thread with old business...it's an important one.

If you'd like to start another, that could be good, or just continue here.

Hope you're doing well,

Hops

[JustKathy]

RE: the honesty thing. I can see how the therapeutic enivirnonment might lead Ts to question honesty...It's raw. I can understand patients with some disorders might be very dishonest...

I think this is definitely true. My current T told me that she often has N parents come in with their children, and that after a while of listening to both sides, it becomes obvious that the Ns are lying. My own mother did this to me when I was in HS. She took me to a therapist and told her that I had a drug problem. Unfortunately, that was back in the 70s, and the therapist took the position that I was a problem child, and sided with M. These days, I think doctors are more of aware of emotional abuse, and know what to look for (as least some do). That's actually something good that I learned from my T. She knows from dealing with so many N parents that it IS characteristic of their disorder to lie, and to be very convincing at it. So I can see why some therapists might jump to conclusions, as some people are intentionally deceitful with the doctor.

[JustKathy]

Oh, about the GAD, mine actually started after something my husband did to me. About 15 years ago, his job transferred from my home town of L.A. to a small town in Arizona. He insisted that I quit my job (an executive position), sell the brand new home we had, and move to this hick town. I immediately became sick, and was diagnosed with GAD. The doctor told me that the trauma of the move triggered it, but that it was probably lying dorment in me for years from the parental abuse. It took a traumatic, life altering event to bring it to the surface. Almost a mild form of PTSD. From what I've read about GAD, it's very common for it to be there for many years, yet not show itself until the person is over the age of thirty. That's what happened with me. I was 35 when I got it.

My anxiety is with me every day. I only take Xanax for it, as the symptoms are fairly mild. Most commonly, I feel a generally weird sort of mind-body detachment. I believe they call it dissociation. I get that every day, regardless of my thoughts. When I have a stressful experience, it will worsen to panic, heart palpitations, dizziness, etc. So I essentially live with two forms of GAD. One is the daily feelings that are there because of the chemical imbalance in my brain, regardless of thought process, and the more severe flare-ups, that are directly tied to specific thoughts and events.

Kathy

[Meh]

I wish I could tell you how to find the few great ones among the many mediocre or worse the bad ones. 

I have had a friend who went through lots of therapy as a kid and she said that they just confirm what we already know.
I've been to some therapists and I have to concur that most of the therapists do just say the obvious, common sense things.
If they help or not, they still get paid. 

I guess it depends on the individual.
Therapists get some people up to the level of "functional" but not up above that to "among the living" or higher to living their best life.

I have had therapists get me up to functional but that was just a matter of prescriptions, not behavior work.
Maybe some patients are only fixable up to a certain level.

I think a person has to have a big heart, spiritual disposition and an earnest desire for the patients to improve.
I think there are A LOT of people in the world who do not want to see other people "be happy". I know for a fact that some therapists are not happy themselves. I've known a therapist on a personal basis not as a patient. They are imperfect humans.

Maybe you will get lucky, I wish you luck....

It probably helps if you have unlimited monetary resources to throw at the problem

[Ami]

I wish I could tell you how to find the few great ones among the many mediocre or worse the bad ones. 

I have had a friend who went through lots of therapy as a kid and she said that they just confirm what we already know.
I've been to some therapists and I have to concur that most of the therapists do just say the obvious, common sense things.
If they help or not, they still get paid. 

I guess it depends on the individual.
Therapists get some people up to the level of "functional" but not up above that to "among the living" or higher to living their best life.

I have had therapists get me up to functional but that was just a matter of prescriptions, not behavior work.
Maybe some patients are only fixable up to a certain level.

I think a person has to have a big heart, spiritual disposition and an earnest desire for the patients to improve.
I think there are A LOT of people in the world who do not want to see other people "be happy". I know for a fact that some therapists are not happy themselves. I've known a therapist on a personal basis not as a patient. They are imperfect humans.

Maybe you will get lucky, I wish you luck....

It probably helps if you have unlimited monetary resources to throw at the problem

You have stated it so well, Helen. That has been my experience.                                        Ami

[JustKathy]

But I heard Klonopin is a good alternative for those who use benzos long term.  I'm not a long term benzo user, but am trying to avoid SSRIs; for some reason, anything that aggressively acts on my seratonin has really adverse effects upon my motivation-they actually make me depressed.

My psych is actually switching be to Klonopin right now because it's better for long-term use, and is longer acting. So far it's working well.

I can't take SSRIs for the exact reason you mentioned. They have the opposite effect on me - they CAUSE depression. I've had some horrible experiences with some of them. Lost my job when taking Paxil because it turned me into an absolute madwoman. Almost committed suicide on Effexor. It goes on and on. I had one psych who insisted on using me as a guinea pig, and I probably tried 20 of those drugs, all with horrible side effects. When I got with my current psych, I told her in the first session that I would not see any doctor who insisted on antidepressants. Benzos are the only drugs that work for me, and I just won't agree to trying any SSRIs. Been there, done that, won't go back. Any doctor that tries to talk me into it, I'm gone. I guess they work for some people, but have messed me up BIG TIME.