Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Has anyone dealt with a narcicistic relationship?

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reallyME:
Amen blue.  I think I stayed in the relationship with the N, because I like challenge maybe.

natman:
I am a man that has been in a 8 year marriage witha beautiful, brilliant female N. Red flags didn't appear until about year 2. I now know she is incapable of a mature inter-personal relatiopnship.

First get yourself out. NO CONTACT. They will never give you what you need.
 You mean nothing to an N. Taking the time to heal yourself is the only answer. You will no longer seek out or attract emotional vampires to yourself.

Don't have time today to do a longer post. Go on and have a good life.

Certain Hope:
Hi natman,

  I'm sorry. It's a rough situation, I know. I only lasted 3 years. I hope you'll be able to come back and get whatever support we can offer here. How long have you known about npd? Do you have children with this woman? Again, I'm very sorry you've had this experience, but glad if you're out and able to practice no contact. I agree, that is the only way.

Hope

dandylife:
It's all about HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. I know that it's hard to deal with things in the moment. You have to step back. SLOW THINGS WAY DOWN. And assert your boundaries. If someone is yelling at you, you say, "I will respond when you are speaking quietly and respectfully." Obviously if the person is physically abusive, you GET YOURSELF OUT OF THERE. Any situation has a counter-point. If someone is crazymaking, you say, "We can return to discussing this after we've had a chance to calm down." Even narcissists respond to logic. When it is firmly stated as a boundary and you are sounding CERTAIN OF YOURSELF.

Take control. The N in your life is all about control. Shift the ground beneath them by responding in a different way than they are used to. You will have amazing results.

You can always leave the person. Or your other alternative is to become in control of the situation.

An amazing book and resource: Destructive Emotions, edited by Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence)

natman:
Hope:

I moved out of the house 3 weeks ago, but we own a business together, a situation that may last about another 3 weeks before she leaves to go on her own. She already has man she is "in love with" so at least she is not coming to me for her narcisstic supply anymore. But a crazymaker is the only way to describe her. No contact will be the only way to be.

No children. I am in therapy and in 2 different support groups that meet regularily. I scoped her out as narcisstic over the last few months, and settled on her being "Destructive narcisstic pattern."
This is a syndrome being like NPD but less traits and less severe than full NPD.

I am moving on quite well and optimistic about my future.
Thanks for your concern.

natman

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